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This is why we need to keep freon away from our children. Inhaling massive amounts of freon produces fuckery like this. Actually, the word fuckery doesn't even begin to describe this mess.

20-year-old Eddie McCrazy of Estero, Florida is soooo obsessed in the brains about reality mega whore Megan (Rock of Love, Charm School, I Love Money, Trophy Wife) that he got a tattoo of her pancake face and retarded chihuahua (her words) on his arm. A few minutes after Eddie got this tattoo, his crotch started itching, his no-no started leaking smegma and he had a rash on his taint. Infected by The Megan!

You know, I figured this dude just got the tattoo so he could lick her tittays whenever he wanted, but after investigating his MySpace, I found out he dances on my team. This OctoMommy crazy.

But seriously, this doesn't make my idea of getting a "DJ Lady Tribe drank a buttery nipple shot out of my asshole" tattoo on my ass cheek seem so bad.

Source VIA ONTD

Socks, the official White House pussy during the Clinton years, has gone on to the great big q-tip in the sky at the age of 20! Socks' time was coming since he was diagnosed with cancer of the throat back in November.

After holding it down in the White House for 8 years, Socks and Bill Clinton's sex-a-tary, Betty Currie, became roommates. A family friend of Betty's told People that Socks was put to sleep this morning in Maryland, because he couldn't eat or stand anymore. Betty took him for a last walk yesterday. She plans to have him cremated.

The Clintons issued this statement:

"Socks brought much happiness to Chelsea and us over the years, and enjoyment to kids and cat lovers everywhere. We're grateful for those memories, and we especially want to thank our good friend, Betty Currie, for taking such loving care of Socks for so many years."

Now Socks is in heaven showing Buddy who is the real HPIC (head pussy in charge).

Rest in peace, Socks....

On the day of her 21st birthday, RiRi's rep has issued a first statement regarding the beat down she allegedly got from Chris Brown. Basically, she's not going to say shit on the matter, but she wants to thank all the hos who sent her good thoughts and such.

"At the request of the authorities, Rihanna is not commenting about the incident involving Chris Brown. She wants to assure her fans that she remains strong, is doing well, and deeply appreciates the outpouring of support she has received during this difficult time."

It's to the point. Not like the eye-rolling shit Chris Brown put out.

It's that time of year again where the skanks of Hollywood squeeze their egos into sparkly satin and we all make fun of their stupid asses while getting tanked. Weeeeee! And I'll be here this Sunday starting at 8pm easy coast time, so that we can all hold hands and feel the torture together. It's going to be a million hours of non-stop ass fuckery (hosted by Hugh Jackman, naturally), so bring a comfortable dildo.

I feel like we need some kind of drinking game. How about we drink one McNuggetini every time St. Angie Jo makes a cuntface and whoever gets rushed to the emergency room last WINS! Yay!

Click here to refresh your ass on who is nominated this year. SPOILER ALERT: Brangelina lose again. AHAHAHAHA!

Image: Pacific Coast News

The grand dame of everything, Susan Lucci, made the young skanks weep at themselves as she strolled the beaches of the Island of Money (aka St. Barts) with her big daddy husband today. Bitch is 62! La Lucci has the crotch of a toddler, the skin of a fetus and the breasts of a sperm!

One of the things on my cum bucket list is to get slapped by Erica Kane just once. And hopefully, she'll wear that 80s bikini while doing it.

Which TV personality is “too white” for a Spanish-based program? He test-ed well, but execs were worried because he doesn’t really speak the language. (Gatecrasher)

AC Slater 4 Evah?

Which divorced celebrity parents should both be taken to task for saying nasty things about the other in front of their kids? Neither parent is acting very adult here. When talking to a friend over the phone (with the kids in the room), Mommy reportedly called her ex a diseased male whore. Daddy tells the kids that their Mommy is a psycho who should be in a mental hospital. (Blind Gossip)

Charlie & Denise? I'm surprised she doesn't called him a disease male cunt. That would be better and her kids need to learn the cunt word early on.

Which celebrity couple will be quietly tying the knot in a remote location very soon? They are a bit of an odd pairing. One is primarily film, while the other is primarily television. One is older, the other younger. One is A list, the other B list. One has multiple children, while the other is more known for their siblings. (Blind Gossip)

Indy Jones & Ally McEatAMeal?

This C list film actress from a former hit television show who has B+ name recognition has been going around from tent to tent begging designers to give her free clothes and has also asked every celebrity she runs into if they have a place she can stay for the night. Maybe if she wouldn't spend so much on the drugs she is sniffing constantly she would have enough money for a hotel room. (CDAN)

Mischa, Mischa, Mischa?

Put a Hazmat bag over this wonk-eyed, jizz-lipped skank ostrich - Hollywood Rag

Heidi Klum is still naked in GQ Germany - Egotastic!

Brit Brit's Fe is at the wheel again - Popsugar

Halle Berry is wearing my aunt's wallpaper as a dress, but she's still hot - Hollywood Tuna

Steve Wilkos better be playing Roxy (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel is going straight to DVD. Where the bitch belongs - Lainey Gossip

And the Best Nippie Slip goes to.... - Cityrag

OctoMommy is not buying a million dollar house. She was just there to shoot Dr. Phil! Ugh - Just Jared

I think I've given a handjob to each one of these self-hating gays - Towleroad

"Hey, man! I'm crazy bag head and I want some caaaaaaaaaaandy!"

You know Lady CaCa and Basement Baby are at Loehmann's right now buying clearance bin purses so that they can recreate this epic fuckery Isaac Mizrahi sent down the runway yesterday. You thought trying to find shit in your purse was torture, wait until you wear this mess.

Isaac should also make an extra large version that goes right over the damn face. I'll empty out my anal bleaching fund to buy one for Tori Spelling.

Mimi and Nick Cannon's marriage will turn 1-year-old on April 30th. This is 363 days longer than I thought it would last. I feel like I should lick the crotch of a Hello Kitty doll as punishment.

You know, even if Mimi wanted to get a divorce, she'd have to drag her mantoy's ass with her to the lawyer's office, because he can't let go! The money is on his hands at all times! Gold diggers of the world, this is how it's done.

Here's Mimi and Nick leaving Mr. Chow last night in Beverly Hills. How many dudes does it take to get the unicornie rainbow butt plug princess into a car?! Is homegirl filled with hot air and in danger of floating away? Oh, wait.

Mickey Rourke's face may look like a Michael Myers' mask marinated in boric acid and then charbroiled over an open flame, but he's the first one to admit that. Mickey said his face got all jacked up from boxing and the plastic surgeon he went to butchered it even more.

Mickey said, "Most of it was to mend the mess of my face because of the boxing, but I went to the wrong guy to put my face back together. I had my nose broken twice. I had five operations on my nose and one on a smashed cheekbone. I had to have cartilage taken from my ear to rebuild my nose and a couple of operations to scrape out the cartilage because the scar tissue wasn't healing properly. That was one of the most painful operations, but the worst was hemorrhoids."

I will never forgive Mickey for the last part of that last sentence. It's bad enough that his face already looks like a puss-filled roid sprinkled with curry powder, but now I'm picturing what an actual Rourke roid looks like. That shit probably looks like an over-microwaved piece of gristle covered in La Victoria chunky hot sauce and garnished with pork rind bits. The devil made me do it. And then for some reason I imagine him sticking a roid needle in his actual roid....and then... I think I'm going to blackout.

While I go and find some smelling salts, look at these pictures of Mickey Rourke arriving at LAX yesterday. Rourke's roid... Not today!