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Princess RiRi of the Universe is reportedly back with the bitch who busted two horns in her wondrous tenhead three weeks ago. That's what People claims and they are usually right. Unfortunately.

A source said, "They're together again. They care for each other. While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves."

The source went on to say that they are hiding out in one of Diddy's houses. Wait. Are they the ones having tantric sex with Diddy? That would explain why RiRi took that bitch back. Any kind of sex with Diddy will make you delusional in the brains.

But seriously, WHY?! Why, Riri?! When a dude tells you he'll never do it again. Nine times out of ten, the motherfucker is lie-telling. Majorly. RiRi really needs to rent What's Love Got To Do With It? to see how this is going to play out. Don't eat the cake, RiRi! In fact, walk away from the fucking cake!

Over the weekend, a beautiful note was posted on Kim Zolciak's website saying that her website was on pause, because she failed to pay the bill. Now, I have been waiting for this ho's response. I thought she would say her back alley wig ate the invoice or maybe a K-A-T hacked into her website to destroy her. Kim isn't putting the blame on either those things. Instead, she's saying her publicist is the evil doer! Publicist?! Yeah, I guess she needs one for her spectacular country music career.

The Really Broke Houseskank has requested a restraining order against her former spokeswhore, because she claims that after she fired him, he took over her website, changed the passwords and posted that little blurb about her being a low-budget bitch.

I'm a little disappointed with her former spokesbitch. That's the best he could do? He has to have to some real shit on Kim. Like what is really hiding under Kim's wig of mystery? Hmmm. I bet we'll find out on the season finale of Lost. That's where that dead polar bear really went!

And Kim is an island that needs to be moved NOW!

I understand that IN THIS ECONOMY, a bitch has gotta do what they gotta do to pay off their meth bill and keep the MD 20/20 fully stocked in their trailer cooler. But, if you're going to trade your kids in for some shit, at least be smart about it!

You see, 51-year-old Donna Greenwell of Louisiana, the beauty queen on the left, tried to trade two kids for $175 and a $1500 cockatoo. The bitches she was going to trade with are the supermodels on the right, Paul and Brandy Romero. Cops say that Donna is not the mother of the 4-year-old and 5-year-old kid she was trying to get some coin for. One of the detectives on the case said, "The Romeros had good intentions from what we see. They really wanted to take care of the kids."

The trade was all done by phone after Donna, a trucker with a criminal record, spotted a flier at a livestock barn selling a cockatoo for $1,500. Donna originally wanted to sell the kids to the Romeros for $2000, but when they said they couldn't pay that, she said she would take the bird as payment.

Okay, this is what I don't understand. Why in beauty sleep hell would you trade in noisy for noisy? That doesn't make any sense to me. I'd trade in two kids for a cock or two, but not a loud ass cockatoo. Dumb bitches all around!

Source

Diddy is having tantric sex 24-hours a day, because he's always stroking his own massive fucking ego. Welcome.

Source VIA The Frisky

Lady CaCa needs to work on her tuck game (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

No Bush: Gavin Rossdale's daughter is totally naked - Egotastic!

This dude really, really loves pussy - Towleroad

Robert Pattinson & Hugh Jackman make beautiful music together - Just Jared

Poor Jeremy Piven - Lainey Gossip

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are so in love and so posed - Popsugar

Guy Ritchie's pet name for Vadge is missing an s and an h - Hollywood Rag

Megan Fox is on the prowl - Hollywood Tuna

Celebwhore head jobs - Cityrag

Rachael Ray is as pleasant as a needle in my peen hole, but at least the bitch knows it - Celebitchy

Pamela Anderson's nipples will not be covered - ICYDK

This bitch looks like a piece of luggage - I'm Not Obsessed

I was looking at pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson at the photocall for Marley & Me in Rome today and got a slight case of deja vu. It felt like I've seen this pose from Aniston a zillion times. I decided to do a quick search and found that it's one of her signatures! I mean, there's different variations of it. Sometimes she lightly touches their body, other times she grabs their jacket, and when she's really into it, she side hugs them with both arms. It's probably because she has so much fucking love to give. Or it's her way of saying, "OMG! Please don't fucking leave me. PLEASE! I'm begging you. NO! OMG! NO! Don't! I don't want to die alone. NO! PLEEEASE!" Either or.

For shits, I also wanted to see if St. Angie has done the same pose and she has! A couple of times. Arms down, Angie. That pose belongs to Aniston! Don't take that away too!

When Ed McMahon almost lost his caramel square kingdom last year and his gold digging wife used the shit out of their AMEX card, I figured 2009 would be a better year for him since 2008 was full of suckery. Well, I figured wrong, because Ed is laid up in the ICU and it's not looking pretty.

Pepaw Ed has been in the hospital for weeks with that evil ass devil known as pneumonia sitting on his lungs. TMZ says condition and is really serious and one bitch close to Ed said, "It's not great, to say the least."

I realize that Ed has a case of the olds, so he might have to shuffle off to the great beyond soon to co-host The Heaven Show with Johnny Carson, but he can't go like this. It's just sad. Somebody get your ass down to Ed's bedside with a bunch of balloons and a check for one million hugs. Okay, that last sentence was sponsored by KRAFT. It'll taste even better between two slices of fried bread.

You might remember this AMAZING!!!1!!! (KOTD, see below) clip of Sarah Welch from The Bachelor falling through a hole in the catwalk during a runway show on October 18, 2007. Well, the ho is suing over it.

TMZ says Sarah filed a lawsuit in Santa Monica court claiming she suffered injuries to her body and nervous system from the fall. Bitch is suing for negligence and wants cash!

That hole in the catwalk is pretty big, but the black hole in Sarah's head is even fucking bigger. This dumb bitch! I mean, what nervous system?

In related news, I just filed a lawsuit against Sarah Welch in the court of foolios, because I busted a McRib from laughing so hard at her stupid ass falling in that hole. I am seeking at least 4 items from the dollar menu as damages.

In today's extra special edition of "What Would Kanye Say?", the voice of this generation gives us his words of wisdom on the RiRi/Brown beat down of '09. Previously, Kanye said he was "devastated" and that RiRi could be "the greatest perform in the world." This time, Kanye thinks we should all just give Chris Brown a little pat on the head, because everybody makes mistakes.

During a taping of Vh1's Storytellers on February 13th, Kanye said to the audience, "Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." I know a lot of people that want to give Chris a break. A break in his fucking face!

Kanye went on to say, "Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing. ... He's a real fuckin' person; he makes mistakes. O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing, though?"

A child toucher, a bong lover and a lady killer. What do they have in common? Kanye West thinks they are all AMAZING!

You know who Kanye doesn't think is amazing? Thom Yorke of Radiohead! According to Kanye, SQUID BRAINS Thom snubbed his ass backstage at the Grammys. Kanye said, "So when he performed at the Grammys, I sat the fuck down."

Oh, Kanye. I want you to be great. Help me help you BE GREAT! If you want to be great, just sit the fuck down, torture your MacBook Air....and keep spewing out AMAZING comments like this shit every hour on the hour! Seriously, Kanye's words of crazy make my world (and eyeballs) go 'round!

P.S. - The Kanyeism of the day is: AMAZING!!!1!!

VIA MTV

Jakey Gyllenhaal will finally get the chance to sing and dance his little girl heart out in a big gay musical! My asshole is blowing rainbow-covered bubbles in anticipation! Variety says that Jakey and Jim Carrey in the big-screen version of the Broadway musical Damn Yankees for New Line.

In case you don't take it up the butt, let me fill you in on what Damn Yankees is about. You see, some fat old slob named Joe Boyd who dreams of seeing the Yankees get beat by the Senators at the World Series. The devil appears and offers to make Boyd's baseball dreams come true in exchange for his soul. Boyd agrees and is transformed into the hunky piece of hot meat known as Joe Hardy, a slugger for the Senators. Boyd loves his new life but misses sis hag of a wife Meg. He starts to have second thoughts about the whole thing. Boyd is able to break the contract before the end of the World Series, so the devil sends a hot slut named Lola to try and seduce him into keeping the deal.

Jim Carrey will play the devil and Jakey will shake his nalgas as Joe Hardy. Yes, Jakey wearing a jock strap in the middle of a locker room filled with naked dudes. This shit is one step closer to realizing your dream of Jakey starring a hardcore gay porn. Damn YANK ME!

Basically, Charo was born to coochie coo as Lola. That role belongs to her. Or La Pequena.