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It's fucking 1993 again for Drew Barrymore, because the bitch got her tongue pierced a few months ago. Drew talked about it while whoring herself for that movie about whiny cat ladies or something. Drew said that after she had it done, she lost a bunch of weight.

Drew said, "They do it and you're like, 'Oh my God, why would I ever think twice about not doing this; this didn't hurt at all.' And then the guy was like, 'What I didn't tell you is that for, like, two weeks, it's just going to be a little uncomfortable. I couldn't eat, couldn't drink for two weeks - great diet in a weird way. I got it and then I've been single ever since... I did it for myself. I always wanted to get one."

Drew must have given that quote through sign language, because I don't know how the interviewer could understand her ass. I mean, the bitch already has a lisp like a flamer with a peen in his mouth (i.e. me), so I can only imagine what she sounds like with a piercing. Every time she opens her mouth to talk, it's probably a "give me the news, not the weather" moment. Just lisp spit fucking everywhere! A straight-up saliva shower.

Anyway, the pierced tongue diet sounds like something that could take Hollywood by storm. But someone should persuade all those celebwhores to take it to the next level. The pierced tongue diet will keep those whores off food for only 2 weeks, but if they pierce their top lips and bottom lips together, they won't ever eat again. And they won't talk either! This is a win/win for everybody!

Source: Showbiz Spy

If decorating every website you go to with glittery rainbows and sparkly unicornies has already gotten old, then why not move on to bacon? BACON! Bacolicio.us does the same shit that Cornify does. When a picture or story on a website is starting to give you the dry heaves, just slap a piece of bacon on that bitch and suddenly it becomes delicious. Well, almost. Take this fug ass picture of Fishsticks Paltrow for instance. With a big slice of bacon over her head, she is almost digestible. The bacon would look a lot better over her face, so I'll aim better next time.

Bacon goes with everything!

VIA Guanabee

(Internal monologue: Resist obvious dick joke... Resist obvious dick joke... Resist obvious dick joke)

Foot-Long Phelps has already lost his big Kellogg deal because he sucked on a bong and now Subway may be next pimp to quit that whore. BuzzNews (via Gawker) says they are hearing rumors that Subway is about to leave the station without Phelspie on their fucking train. Subway has already erased any signs of Neptune's son from their website. Subway's other celebrity whores are still on the website, but Phelps' name has suddenly disappeared.

A source said that legal team is trying to figure out how to get out of the deal and get their endorsement cash back. Phelps and Subway's marriage contract expires in 2012.

Endorsement money back? Please. Phelpsie probably smoked that up a while ago.

I'm not surprised Subway is pulling this shit. They are a bunch of shady bitches. I stopped going to Subway when the dumb bitch making my sandwich gave me the side-eye when I told her to warm that shit up a bit in the microwave. I took my sandwich money to Quiznos and that's who should call up Phelps! It's a perfect match. I can already see the slogan:

"Michael Phelps is always baked, just like our sandwiches!"

Christian Bale phoned in an "I'm so sowwy" to L.A.'s Kevin & Bean show on KROQ this morning and gave a long ass explanation as to why he went on a fuck-filled freak out. Christian said it's been a miserable week ever since the tape hit. Miserable? Well, it's been a non-stop fuck party for all of us! We danced to the remix! We cheered him when he went fucking ballistic on Bill O'Reilly. It's been a week full of FUCKS which means it was a fantastic fucking week.

Christian said he was completely out of line and isn't making any excuses for that shit. Christian went on to say, "I'm embarrassed by it. I ask everybody to sit down and ask themselves, have they ever had a bad day and have they ever lost their temper and really regretted it immensely. Feel free to make fun of me at my expense; I deserve it completely." Christian also said that he kissed and made up with his personal punching bag aka the DP. They worked it out that day and never had a problem again.

You know, Christian's apology was actually kind of genuine. I didn't roll my eyes once! I started to, but then I got sidetracked picturing Christian naked. This made me crave a raw hot dog, so I got up to get one. When I came back I completely forgot to complete the eye roll!

And honestly, I hope that's not the last of Christian's rants. I want a fucking sequel! In the next one he needs to drop the cunt word more, though. That's the only thing the first one was missing.

Click here to listen to Christian's full apology.

VIA TMZ

Um..that wood cart thing is exuding more raw emotion than she is - Popsugar

Tracy Jordan knows how to freak the fuck out the right way - YouTube

Jennifer Aniston found a gray hair! You know what that means? Bitch is going to die sad and lonely! - Just Jared

Isla Fisher forgot to wear pants in Allure - Egotastic!

Strangers with Fantasia - Crunk + Disorderly

Where was a category 5 hurricane when you needed one? - Hollywood Tuna

Solange working it in the basement. No, it really does kind of look like she's in a basement - Hollywood Rag

Hot rugby man meat alert! - Towleroad

Katie Price jogging for the cameras (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Who bonged it better? - Cityrag

Please tell me Posh is wearing stained sweat shorts and a ratty t-shirt underneath her coat - Lainey Gossip

It sounds to me like Jessica Simpson needs to snort a few lines of crushed down Valerian and then take a looooong Calgon bath while listening to some soothing Enya, because bitch is on the verge. Apparently, the big-tittied frog was a mess while opening for Rascal Flatts in Grand Rapids, Michigan last night.

According to Radar and hos who were there, Jessica's fuck-ups started at song #1. Jessica forgot the words to songs, complained about her ear monitor, got weepy in the eyes, said she missed her man, constantly drank water and even asked the band to start over during some shit song called "Pray Out Loud." This is exactly what she did when shit kept going wrong. Jessica whispered in her mic, "Please, God help me through this!" At one point, she apologized to the audience for forgetting the words and said she just wanted to quit that bitch.

Jess' spokeswhore said she wasn't feeling well that day and had an off night.

And I thought the next Brit Brit meltdown would come courtesy of Miley Cyrus. Bitches better keep Jessica away from umbrella and hair clippers, because it sounds like this ho is one "Yooz a FAT bitch" away from going completely nuts. Bitch just needs to push her daddy off a bridge, go eat an entree at Claim Jumper and lay down for a few lifetimes.

Image VIA Radar

(Thanks Kathy)

Salma Hayek is single-handedly feeding the hungry children of the world with her magnificent chichis of wonder! Salma recently went on a trip for UNICEF to Sierra Leone and encountered a starving child whose mommy had no milk. What did Salma do? Well, she whipped out her miracle mammies and let the baby suckle! I want to see St. Angelina do that shit. Yeah, right!

On Today (via CM) yesterday morning, Kathie Lee's drunk ass asked Salma, "You found a child that was starving to death, the mother had no milk - and you nursed that baby?" Salma nodded and added, "It's about women sticking together and we really need to help the children in any way we can."

Chelsea Handler was talking about this shit last night on her show and joked that grown men are going to start dressing up like babies just to lick on Salma's chichis. I co-sign that. I'm about to pull out the ruffled onesie I always keep in my closet "just in case." I'm going to put that bitch on and start goo-goo ga-ga-ing around Salma.

Seriously, Salma's chichis are the new Mother Theresa.

I bet if Salma went down to Wall Street and started shaking her bodacious bitties, the recession would suddenly end!

Bob Marley has floated down on a green cloud from the heavens (where weed grows in the blink of an eye) to host this open post for you. Today would've been his 64th birthday! You must all light up and take a toke in his memory (I'm talking to you Phelps)! Never forget! Well, unless you've had too much of the good shit and then you're excused temporarily. Forever Marley!

This is why Brenda Walsh is needed on that 90210 crap.

Yesterday, that dumb bitch Kelly Taylor and Donna Martin filmed a scene in Beverly Hills where they had to cross the street. Brenda would have never ever let this opportunity pass her by. I mean, Donna Martin near moving traffic? You do the math. Actually, Brenda could've just moved the umbrella off of Praying ManTori. The water would have melted her down into a puddle of buggy eyes and desperation.