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Miley loves the pappies so much that when she misses them something fierce, she calls them up for a visit. Well, a visit that they have to pretend they weren't invited to. You see, while the pappies were taking pictures of Miley getting juice with her mama je'e Trish, they were asked by some broad how they knew the hillbilly prostitot was there. They answered, "They called us." Yeah, slap me with a dildo made of DUHS, because I'm shocked.

But if Miley went out to get juice and the paparazzi didn't get pictures of it, did it really happen? Hmmm.

And Miley's mother totally reminds me one of those bitches you try to avoid at parties, because you know that once you get stuck with her, she'll will never let you go. Of course, after you've had too many white wine spritzers, you find yourself right next to her. Then you quickly realize why you tried to steer clear from her ass, because all she talks about is star signs, her extensive collection of Beanie Babies and her hundred different recipes using Cool Whip.

How do you know your imagination is just a long gutter canal filled with filth and smut? When you see pictures of James Franco wearing glasses and your first thought is (NSFL)this site(NSFL). Sadly, James is not filming a scene for that site. He's in Long Island City, Queens to shoot some movie where he plays Allen Ginsburg.

And that dude gazing at James is totally thinking what I'm thinking.

Some bitch with a slippery tongue who works on American Idol is reportedly jumping around telling everyone and anyone the final 4 on the show have already been picked, picked and picked. The loud mouth says that Jane Mancini, Glittery McWentz, Lil' Rounds and Danny "Makes Me Wanna Pokey My Own Eyes" Gokey will be the chosen four. When asked if this was just speculation, the crazy bird said, “Those ARE the people." Damn. Okay, okay...

She went on to tell the NYDN that the producers really want Gokey or Alexis Grace to win, because they "think they’re very commercially viable, have a good image and a great story.”

Fox refused to say shit about this mess.

So who's the babbling bitch? My guess is that Paula Abdul found the key to the medicine cabinet again, right? Give the crazy a barbiturate and she'll blather on until you shut her up with a Vicodin lolly.

Asking the question "Is Idol fixed?" is like asking the question "Does Simon lick his own furry nipples when he's alone in bed at night?" MAYBE (but probably yes)! Actually, I don't know. Does it matter at this point? We've already wasted ten million hours of our young lives, so we might as well keep on suffering. As long as the contestants keep sucking shit nuggets so that we can make fun of them each week, I'll be happy.

George Clooney might be on some of the best shit Chad has to offer in this vlog for NBC. Or maybe he's just got a bad case of the tireds because the gross bathroom next to his bed area is keeping him up all night.

While in Chad, George gives us a tour of the bathroom that makes him "ewww" inside. I'm sure George is used to solid gold toilets and bidets that squirt Evian up his ass, but that bathroom isn't that much of a horror show. My bare nalgas have touched worst toilet seats than that one (SHUT UP). And you haven't lived until you've flushed a toilet with a bucket. I had to do that for a whole year, because our super was a lazy boozer who told me just to "destroy the poop logs with my own piss." No joke.

For the finale of this video, George does his best Andy Rooney impersonation. George does a good Rooney, but there's also a little Jack Nicholson as The Joker in there.

And OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG, I just realized those walls have seen George Clooney's wang. They'll never wash themselves again. Not that they were planning to.

The walking lollipop known as Christina Ricci is engaged to that giant beast of a man so says UsWeekly. Christina has been dating director Owen Benjamin for a few months. How many times do you think a waitress has asked him, "And what would your daughter like?" If he put her in a stroller and pushed her down the street, there wouldn't be a side-eye in sight!

Christina is 5'1" and he's fucking 6'6"! His ass can really pick her up and lick her ass like a real lolly! If he wants to hit it from the back, Christina has to get on all fours on a platform or some shit. They probably have swing sets, slings and ladders in their bedroom. Freaky ass bitches!

That wedding is going to be some good shit. Christina is going to have to stand on a stack of phonebooks and Owen will need megaphone so she can hear him when he says his vows. But I'm mad at her that during their first dance, she'll be able to give his peen a little tongue bath without any bitches noticing. That's a special thing!

Reggie Bush & Kim KardASSIAN cheesing it up in GQ. These pictures would look a lot hotter if Reggie pushed that giant fart bubble in heels out of the frame - Popsugar

Aubrey O'Day whores it up in a car magazine. Why so classy?! - Hollywood Tuna

Out of all the fucking things, a wedgie almost ruined Dreamboat Doherty's career? - Towleroad

Anna Faris needs to let go of this "slutty sorority girl" look - Egotastic!

Julia Roberts is a bitch and I like it - Lainey Gossip

Kristin Cavallari calls acting like a dumb tramp on the beach "working" (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Call Hulk Hogan and pour your feeling out...or just call him a cunt - Celebslam

AC Slater and his hag go to dinner - Just Jared

DJ AM wants $20 million over the jet crash - E! Online

Jacko's face is going to look like a paper plate with two eyeballs drawn on it with a Sharpie - Hollywood Rag

The many faces of coked-out Blohan - Cityrag

Ever year on St. Patrick's Day (aka St. Drunky Day), I post this classic news report from Crichton, Alabama of a bunch of bitches who claim they saw a fucking leprechaun in the tree. No St. Patrick's Day is complete without two barf bombs in the toilet and at least three viewings of this piece of YouTube history. Why hasn't that police sketch been on eBay yet? I would sell one of my nipples to own high-art like that.

And whatever the people of Crichton are sniffing, they need to export that shit to other cities. Share the high!

Guy Ritchie was all smiley while leaving a restaurant in London last night. Yeah, I know that look. It's the "I'm about to get my dick sucked" smile. You know his peen lips are practically whistling in excitement. And a few minutes later, Elle Macpherson came out....also smiling. The two apparently had dinner together.

While Guy's ex-master, Vadge, is slapping dicks with a piece who can be her grandbaby, Guy is playing with bitches his own age. And it must be a nice feeling to do sexy times with a woman without worrying about her biting your peen off with her vag of destruction. Not to mention that when he cuddles up on Elle, it doesn't feel like he's hugging a broiled piece of chicken jerky.

Friends of Natasha Richardson have told the New York Post that she is brain dead after falling in a tragic ski accident at at the Mont Tremblant resort outside of Montreal yesterday. This hasn't been confirmed by her or Liam's reps, so I'm hoping they are completely wrong.

Natasha's husband Liam Neeson rushed from a film set in Toronto to be with her. TMZ says Natasha is on her way to a hospital , possibly one in NYC, via a private jet. A medic team boarded the flight with her.

The story is not only tragic, but very bizarre. Natasha reportedly said she was fine after she fell and tumbled down the beginners slope yesterday during a ski lesson. She even laughed and joked about it. After the accident, her instructor immediately called the ski patrol. There were no visible signs of injury. They escorted Natasha back to her room. About an hour later, Natasha complained that her head hurt. An ambulance was called to the hotel and she was taken to a local hospital and later transferred to the Hôpital du Sacre-Coeur.

UPDATE: The hospital has told TMZ that Natasha isn't brain dead. They said Natasha is currently sedated and her brain is swelling. She's traveling to another hospital for treatment. I'm going to choose to believe TMZ.

To celebrate West Side Story's return to Broadway, Vanity Fair shot an homage to the musical starring Camilla Belle (as Maria), JLo (as Anita), Rodrigo Santoro (as Bernardo), Chris Evans (as Riff) and Ben Barnes (as Tony). Other whores including Brittany Snow, Jay Hernandez, Robert Pattinson, Ashley Jizzdale, Cam Gigandet and Drake Bell also make cameos throughout. If you're trying to spot the sparkly vampire, just follow the flying unicorns to the back of this picture where he's glittering it up with Brittany Snow.

The acting faces in these pictures are worthy of a million Razzies. While Camilla Belle is purdy, she looks like an unlit candle and has the emotional depth of one too. And JLo. JLO! JLo as fucking Anita. I think I'll go back to San Juan, because if I stay here I'll slap a baby newt over this fuckery. Was Rita Moreno previously booked? Or Chita Rivera? Or Iris Chacon? Or Salma Hayek? Or Charo? Or Skeletor? Or La Pequena? Or any bitch but JLo!

And where in Officer Krupke hell is Anybodys?! That boygirl was always my favorite. All Vanity Fair had to do was ring up Rojo Caliente. Rojo already has the looks and attitude to pull it off.