Tomorrow will be declared the saddest day ever in Los Angeles, because County Supervisor Michael Antonovich will announce the start of No Cussing Week. So all you gutter-mouthed bitches in L.A. better carry a bar of delicious-tasting soap with you, because you're going to have to suck on that shit when a dirty word spills out of your mouth!
Little 14-year-old McKay Hatch of South Pasadena High School is to blame for this. In 2007, he started the No Cussing Club after he became bothered by his friends' dirty ass mouths. He challenged them to stop using filthy words. Some of his friends accepted his challenge. Almost 2 years later, McKay's website has 30,000 members in over 30 countries.
McKay writes on his website that those who accept the challenge "won't cuss, swear, use bad language, or tell dirty jokes. Clean language is a sign of intelligence and always demands respect. I will use my language to uplift, encourage and motivate. I will Leave People Better Than I Found Them!"
FUCK THAT CUNT SHIT!
Okay, I commend McKay for standing up for shit that bothers him, but count me the fuck out! It's not even an option for me. You know, some whores have told me that I would get more advertisers and less offices would block me if I stopped writing such dirty shit so much. I don't give a fuck! It's impossible for me to stop using the most beautiful words ever spoken. Curse words are my best friends. They are always there for me. They know me so well. I can always count on them to lift me up when I'm feeling down. If I could fuck the word fuck, I'd fuck that fuckity fucker until I couldn't fuck no more.
Not being able to cuss is some Twilight Zone shit. That's like a damn nightmare come to life. Honestly, I would probably suffocate to death, because I can only exhale if a curse word is attached to it. My body would quit this bitch if I didn't say some kind of nasty ass word every minute on the minute.
For those of you who are taking the challenge, good fucking luck! I will make sure to quadruple my normal cuss word usage to make up for it.
Source: L.A. Times
It was whore business as usual on last night's Rock of Love Bang Bus. Kelsey, Ashley and Farrah got "shit your pants" wasted in the ultra-classy VIP section at Bret's show.
Honestly, that section consisted of just a rent-a-center sofa with a broke ass Kinkos-made banner hanging over it. But those whores didn't know the difference. They probably thought they were in Europe, because that shit was so refined and classy. It was obviously too elegant for Kesley and Farrah, because those whores got kicked the fuck out for smearing their skankness all over the joint. Basically, they were too drunk according to Big John. Yeah, too drunk! This boggles my mind, because I'm pretty sure the Rock of Love Bang Bus runs on booze-filled fumes coming out of their snatches. It's green like that.
After Kelsey got kicked the hell out, she she had a meltdown and collapsed on a speed bump in the parking lot where she cried for about an hour. Kelsey later waved that fuckery off and said a lot of girls have probably passed out on a speed bump. Au contraire! A lot of DUMB girls maybe. Why the fuck would you pass out on a speed bump? Think about it.
Say you're passed out on a speed bump and some bitch who isn't paying attention drives over you. Bitch is just going to look out his window really quick and see the speed bump. He's going to shrug it off and go on his way. That leaves you laying there, with your guts spilling out and all the booze leaking out of your system. There goes your buzz.
A drunk whore with brains will pass out in the middle of the street far away from a speed bump. That way if a bitch runs over you, they will look to the side, see no speed bump, get out of the car and investigate. They will call you an ambulance and a doctor at the hospital can patch you back up, so the booze doesn't leak out. Buzz saved! Seriously, Kelsey doesn't know shit!
This week's episode would not be complete without an Ashleyism: "People who eat basil are lame!" Bitch wouldn't think basil was lame if it was dipped in Red Rooster 21 and wrapped around a hard cock. In addition to give her thoughts on basil, Ashley also tried to cook a microwaveable dinner. I can't wait for Chef Ashley's show on the Food Network. Clip below:
This morning on The View, crazy old Barbara Walters said, "Why do people want to be on MyFace?" Because your Twatter is always down, Babs.
P.S. - Pouring a mixture of industrial-grade bleach, OxiClean and Ammonia on a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, then rubbing it on your forehead doesn't kill the mental images. I tried.
Did K-Fat eat the chirruns?! Every time I blink, the bitch added more chunk. Soon, a bitch is going to have to roll him around Violet Beauregard-style.
Getting sexy with KFed could be hazardous to your health. He would need to hit that shit on stilts, because if he laid right on you, your ribs would crush down into dust. If he hit it from the back, he'd have to lay his gut on your back and that could crush your poor tailbone.
On the positive side, if you motorboated his big ass moobs, you might find a McDonald's french fry in there. And I bet he eats out like a damn dyke on speed. Just pour some hot sauce and gravy over your private area and let him chomp away. He might accidentally suck out one of your vital organs, but that's a chance you'll have to take.
That being said, I'd hit it at a Hometown Buffet sundae bar.
Which mega-star's reputation is being trashed by a tranny in Miami? The endowed lass is telling anyone who'll listen all about his embarrassing sexual positions. (Gatecrasher)
I'm getting a Colin Farrell vibe from this shit, but his dick isn't that much of a star. (NSFW) Click here to see it if you haven't. It looks like an overstuffed taquito on a bed of wild rice.
Which young hearth-throb dumped his girlfriend for hitting on his younger brother? She's not as pure as she seems - she shared topless pics with her man's mini-me! (Star Magazine VIA ONTD)
Cover girl Zac Efron and that Vanessa tramp? I don't know why she had to send pictures. A bitch just needs to google to see her Mickey Mouse bush.
Which bulimic Hollywood star is worrying film bosses? She scoffs a three-course meal every three hours... then chucks it back up... (3am Girls)
Bulimia is so out. It's all about chewing your food and then spitting it out into a Dixie Cup instead of swallowing.
This C list television actor who has really done nothing since his hit ensemble comedy television show went off the air, only dines at restaurants when his "valet" is there. At about ten places he frequents, our actor calls ahead and will only patronize the restaurant when his favorite valet at the place is available to park his beloved car. Oh, and while he used to tip $100 each time, he is now down to tipping $5. I guess he needs a new show soon. (CDAN)
Matthew Perry? And I'm sure he was getting a special baggie filled with the bad shit for that tip.
One of our favorite actors is having a wardrobe problem on the set of his latest film. What kind of problem? Well, our actor was measured for his costumes when he first committed to the film, but over the winter he may have indulged in a few too many Happy Meals. Now he’s sporting love handles that would put the Michelin Man to shame. Perhaps if he cut down on one of his recreational habits, he wouldn’t have the munchies so often. (Blind Gossip)
Russel to the CROWE?!
Image Source: Flickr
Birthday: August 18, 1915
Birth Name: Clara Bonfanti
Original Date of HS of the Day: February 24, 2009
Claim to Fame: Clara grew up during the Great Depression, so she is taking her knowledge of turning caca into delicious meals and sharing it with all of us on YouTube! I'm still waiting to see what she can do with Top Ramen and a bag of moldy bread from the Wonder Bread outlet.
Where is she now? Clara is working on a DVD and it's only a matter of time before she judges a Top Chef challenge. Actually, Clara should compete on that shit. She would win, for real.
Why is he HS of the Week? Because 2009 is the year of the memaws and Clara is going to lead the pack. Click here to join her Facebook group.
This feels illegal: The Jonas Brothers go topless - Towleroad
Basement Baby doesn't know her own strength, might have killed somebody - Scandalist
Michelle Williams' bare boobies went straight to DVD - Egotastic!
Annalynne McCord's roasted H.A.M. face - Hollywood Tuna
Brit Brit's Cheetolets are pretty in pink - Just Jared
Jennifer Aniston wants to be a Bond Girl. And I want to be Daniel Craig's official dick cleaner. It's nice to dream - Popsugar
Cate Blanchett has better things to do - Lainey Gossip
Who the fuck are these tattoos supposed to be? - Cityrag
My inbox has seen more of Amber Rose than a motherfucking bottle of peroxide and a clipper. I'm getting emails from bitches that say everything from "Bitch is a truck stop stripper!" to "Bitch is a cunt licker" to "Bitch has a wang!" And so on and so forth. All I know is that bitch will be deaf soon from Kanye West's epic yelling fits. And she already might be partially blind, because that's the only thing I can think of to explain this outfit. I didn't know Osh Kosh B'Gosh also had a line of day-shift prostitot clothes. The baby hooker look is not for Amber Rose.
Paul Rudd is really giving me fever in this picture for Vanity Fair. His chest hair is speaking to me. It's saying, "Brush me... pamper me.... braid me...pull me... pluck me.... wine me... din me..." If only they kept those three former and current fatties out of the picture. They are ruining The Rudd! But at least Vanity Fair spared our eyeballs by putting them in full body peen suits instead of displaying their junk.
So, Vanity Fair's April issue is devoted to Comedy's New Legends! This shit includes whores like P. Rudd, Jason Segel, Jonah Hill, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, Russell Brand and Seth Rogen. Clearly, they left out the real comedians of the year: DJ Lady Tribe, Sarah Palin and Spaghetti Cat. Spaghetti Cat can tell one million jokes with just one blank stare. It's a gift!
Look! It's Madonna and the Baby Jesus on a wintery night! The only thing missing is a fucking manger and some farm animals. How fucking special.
Anythisisborderlinepedoshit, Vadge and her hooker of the moment had a beautiful dinner in NYC last night. I'm sure it was really romantic with him sitting on a highchair slurping on mushy peas while Vadge readjusted her colostomy bag.
And take a good look at Baby Jesus while he's still young and beautiful, because that shit isn't going to last. Vadge is quickly sucking out his youth. By the end of the month, she'll look like a roidy toddler and he'll look like Larry King's freeze-dried dick.