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RuPaul's Drag Race is over! Just when I was starting to compile my daily vocabulary (i.e. - Cameroooon and Extra-va-ganzaaaa) from that show, it goes away.

Whenever I watched it, it really felt like I was in church, because of that damn frosty effect on everything. Ru straight up looks like she was beaming in from heaven. It was like a religious experience. I wanted to throw holy water on my forehead and nibble on those bland ass Communion wafers they made me eat during service. Seriously, can't they put some Lawry's on those wafers?

Anyway, it came down to Bebe Zahara Benet, Nina Flowers and that other one. I can't even with her. Rebecca Glasscock needed to take her "I'm not here to make friends" act to America's Next Top Model, because that shit wasn't amusing. Yes, bitch has a face that Papa Knowles would kill to whore out in a House of Dereon ad, but Rebecca could never compete with the Queen of Cameroon and Nina Loca. Did you see that trick's outfit in the finale?! Rebecca was tardy to the party in an outfit that should only be worn on the ho stroll. When wearing shit like that, the only sentence that should come out of your mouth is, "$20 for a blow, $30 for a lay." It was pretty damn priceless when Ru told Rebecca to sashay away. Happy Ass Drag Queen to Angry Ass Drag Queen in 2 seconds flat! Rebecca stepped on the bitch pedal and didn't let go. Even her kitchen ass wig frowned.

Bebe and Nina Loca were left to battle it out in a lip-synch showdown. Now, I'd sell tamales in the back of a pick-up truck on the beaches of Ensenada (I've really done that) with Nina Loca any day, but Bebe crashed the runway with her lip-synch extra-va-ganzaaaaa! Doves cried, died and came back to life again to die for a second time. When Bebe got on the floor, so did I. She scares the shit out of me! I don't know whether to hiss at her or blow her an air kiss. And is it just me or does Nina Loca kind of look like the tranny first cousin of Billy the puppet from Saw?

In the end, Camaroooon prevailed and Bebe won a glittery crown, a box of sunglasses and some other shit. Nina Loca ended up winning viewers' choice during the reunion show. Which leads me to Ru giving Dlisted a little titatty tickle.

Ru asked Tammie Brown what she thought about being named Hot Slut of the Day. Tammie, wearing some Tammy Faye Bakker shit, wasn't pleased with that shit! Tammie says I could have used a different word, because she's not a slut! Who does she think she is?! Phoebe Price? There can only be one Hot Babe. Besides, it's not like I mean she's pulling a Blohan and scrounging back alleys for any asshole to suck on. It's just my way of saying that I'd tag team a dick with herany day. Yeah, I gave Tammie a side-eye for a second, but she had me back on her side when she got into a bitch fight with Ru.

Below is a clip of cunt battle royale between the judges and both Shannel (who should really headline The Real Housewives of Las Vegas) and Tammie Brown. Ru gets all Ty Ty Banks on Tammie after she accused the judges of being so fucking negative. Tammie goes on to say, "You call called me losers and I don't see you out there walking children in nature." What the fuck does that even mean?! It doesn't matter. I'm copy and pasting that shit to the inside of my brain, because it's a keeper. Walking children in nature?! THE FUCK?! Hell, I'm going to miss this shit. Til next season! Now I have to go walk some fucking children in nature!

Complex Magazine posted a pre-Photoshopped picture of Kim Kardassian on their website and Animal NY caught it before it was switched out.

These are always fucking fun. There's a few differences I noticed right away. First, they bathed her ass in a little bleach. Then they rubbed out the vein farm and fromagerie on her thighs. After that, they sucked her in a bit and also sent her baby hairs to school for the day. While they were at it, they should've used the "sparkly eyes" tool to make her dead eyes (aka trying to be sexy eyes) look fucking alive.

Kids these days. They spend a few hours watching TV and it starts to give them ideas. Ideas which lead them to the roof of their parents' house with a can of white paint in hand and a big dick on their mind. That's how it went for 18-year-old Rory McInnes of England.

After watching a documentary on Google Earth, Rory was inspired to spend 30-minutes painting a true-to-size homage to Prince Hot Ginge's peen (I wish) on the roof of his parents $2 million house. Rory based the mega peen on the Cerne Abbas Giant. Rory never told anyone about the peen on the roof, in fact it took his parents a full year to find out.

A helicopter pilot spotted the giant wang, took pictures of it and contacted The Sun. The Sun in turn contacted Rory's dad and let him know that he's been living with a juicy cock over his head for the past 12-months. Bitches were getting teabagged and didn't even know it!

Rory's dad immediately called his son, who was traveling in Brazil, to yell at his ass. Rory cocked, I mean, copped to it and just shrugged it off. Rory agreed to wash off his masterpeen when he gets back.

You know, Rory gets a taint lick for effort, but he could've spent more time on the nutsack. It's a huge, thick cock with tiny shriveled up prunes. Not right. If you're going to do it, do it right. Put some low hangers on that dong.

It's also a good thing that Parasite Hilton never flew over that house within the past 12-months. That skank would've thrown herself from the plane and landed on that dick. They would've had to rent a crane to pry her pussy lips off of it!

It's about that time for your weekly eyeball calisthenics, because Blohan is speaking from her farts again. Reading this whole interview she gave to E! News seriously gave me a major work out. My eyeballs are fucking buff now and I almost have a damn six-pack from laughing so hard.

Eff the gym today, just read this mess. Just make sure you aren't eating a sandwich or sucking on a dick, because you might choke on it. The lil' cokey fauxmosexual lays it on thick. I bolded the truly hilarious parts for you to tell your friends at Happy Hour tonight. They'll cackle until they barf.

On fighting with her partner in pussay :
"They need to stop saying we're fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I'm really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work. The only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal."

On being a cracked out, boozed up piece of trash:
"I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie. I love to act and write and be creative, and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it."

On growing up:
"I move forward and I change. Life's too short not to. If people would just leave my personal life alone—because it's really not that interesting—then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting."

On the future:
"I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, ake music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be."

On being a classy, tactful...I can barely type this shit:
"With everything that's gone on with my family, my parents still taught us how to have tact, class, respect for others and how to follow our dreams and never change who we are for anyone or anything. No. 1 is perfect, and perfect is impossible. You have to make mistakes to learn so that you can grow up and live your life the right way. Things happen, and you have to move on, be strong and believe in yourself. It would be really nice if people would believe in me."

Oh, I believe in you. I believe that you're a crackwhoreslutbitchskank who will suck off a squirrel who suffers from halitosis of the peen for just one meth hit. But that's your charm!

Seriously, that interview had so many great lines. It's like Christopher Guest wrote that shit! CLASS?! DON'T DO DRUGS?! FANS?!

Oh, someone's been cutting her bad shit with a little of that delusional dust.

Celebwhores riding invisible bicycles thanks to Photoshop. Well, except for Jakey G, he can naturally float like that - Holy Taco

Google Nay Nay Semel, you dumb fuck and it will tell you the Muppet is in rehab - Scandalist

When Morrissey rips his shirt off, the teenage Emo chola inside of me passes out - Towleroad

Orlando Bloom chopped his mop - Popsugar

Nasty piece of bacon fat in Complex - Popoholic

Bree Olson freaks out on the radio (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

American Idol's Bikini Skank should just get on the Bang Bus already never come back - Egotastic!

Did Nicole Richie get knocked up just to help her new ugly ass maternity line? - Lainey Gossip

Blake Lively & Penn Badgley's dinner threesome with Harvey Weinstein - Just Jared

Hayden Panettiere gives us a view of her troll pecs - Hollywood Tuna

Cheetoling in two - Hollywood Rag

Madamism on the rise - Cityrag

When Dreamboat Doherty is sitting in front of a broken mirror, he softly weeps to himself, because he's expecting the hand of Kate Moss to cut the lines or lick the residue off one of his crack sores in his nose. And Kate's no longer there. And that's sad. Dreamy was hoping to woo Kate back at Lily Allen's show, but Lily's whores put a stop to that fuckery! Dumb bitches got in the way of crack's favorite couple getting back together.

Dreamy told Q Magazine that he was upset about it, “I wanted to see Lily Allen play the other week. But her label EMI got in touch and said, ‘We don’t want you there because Kate Moss will be there and it will take attention away from Lily. Can you not go? I was so insulted. I don’t know. I think I would have been courteous enough. Then I’d probably have headbutted her new boyfriend, put her over my shoulder and run off. I miss her. And I would like to speak to her.”

Jamie Hince has been warned. A headbutt from Dreamy will give him a permanent case of hair maggots. Bitch better wear a bar of soap around his neck at all times to ward off The Doherty.

Fuck Lily, fuck Jamie and fuck Kate too! Dreamy doesn't need that shit. Kate is a bad influence on him! He's as pristine as my no-no on a Sunday now and the last thing he needs is that drunk ass snagtooth whore to fuck up all his good work!

In a few months, she'll be back on her knees, begging Dreamy back. I hope he carefully puts the bible down, excuses himself from the sick orphans he was reading to and kindly tells Kate to fuck the fuck off!

VIA MTV UK

Okay, Hollywood can now stop remaking shit, because here's an epic original story that's begging to be turned into a silver-screen trilogy. It has everything you need: a lost midget, a chihuahua, a forest, helicopters, friendship and true love! And it happened in real life! Mary-Kate Trollsen, call your agent!

It all started when the 45-year-old tiny lady who goes by the name of Beverley Burkitt decided to go for a morning walk with her chihuahua, Pebbles, near the camp site they were staying at in North Wales. Beverley went deep into the forest before realizing she dropped her cell phone somewhere. She also realized she was fucking lost! Instead of getting lost even more, Beverley sat her little ass down with Pebbles and waited for help to come. They weren't found until the next morning after a ground team and helicopters were sent out.

3'8" Beverley thanks 7" Pebbles for keeping her safe and warm through the night. She told The Sun, “Pebbles lay across my legs overnight and kept me warm. I was wearing a coat but it wasn’t as warm as Pebbles. I wasn’t too worried as I knew I’d be found sooner or later."

Don't ask me how Beverley got lost in a forest. I was under the impression that little people knew their way around every forest. Like it was a gene they were born with. But thankfully, Pebbles was there. This is why you should bring a chihuahua with you wherever you go. They SAVE lives! Although, something tells me after a few hours Pebbles was starting to look at Beverley like she was a little delicious chicken wing.

(Thanks Fay)

According to the paps, this is Jennifer Aniston wearing some kind of KKK/Orko from He-Man hood while leaving her hotel in NYC today to go shoot that movie about a bitch who makes love to a turkey baster or something.

I'm proud of my fingers, because I know they have the intense urge to type "This is the hottest she's ever looked!" Oops. They failed.

Who knows why Jenny decided to cause a mass amount of attention to herself by trying to look like she's hiding her chin from the cameras? Botox gone wrong? Her $60,000 hairstylist wasn't able to pass a blow dryer through her mop. Or it could be something simple like homegirl just has a herp sore on her mouth. Wait. You usually get those from mouth kissing another human being, right? Yeah, can't be that.

Speaking of herpes, when doing research for this non-story (I SWEAR), I found this question on the hilarious bible of all things hilarious: Yahoo Answers!

Can i get herpes from kissing a girl if she ONLY has it on her vagina?
ok me adn this girl were going out for about a week or so and we started kissing like a regular couple does and then i heard she has herpies i thought it was a rumor but i asked her and she said yeah she thinks, only on her vagina not on the mouth or cold sore and im worried cause im allergic to the metal on ur pants button and now my stomach itches is that the allergicness or acn herps spread even if not touched please help

Anne Hathaway got so close to licking Oscar's head, so now she's got a craving for him in a bad way. Which explains why she's going to play Judy Garland in both a film and stage version of the biography Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland. Anne will obviously do anything to an Oscar including getting her legs chopped off, because she's like five hundred feet tall and Judy was only like 4'11"! Unless they are going to pull some BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT and CGI Anne's head on a little body. That would be entertaining.

The Weinstein Company, who is producing this mess, issued this statement of words: "We are thrilled to have the brilliantly talented Anne Hathaway portray stage and screen legend Judy Garland. I have worked with Anne on projects in the past and have known her for many years. She will be a true class act in this challenging role."

Why does Hollywood feel the need to do this again?! Judy Davis already conquered this shit a few years ago. I don't hate HATE hate Anne Hathaway, but she's not the one.

If Hollywood must do this again, they should at least make it interesting by casting Liza Minnelli as Young Judy (she was born to play the role) and Tammie Brown from RuPaul's Drag Race as Older Judy. Now that would be worth sneaking into with your friend using one paid ticket. I got caught doing that once and my dumb ass response was, "Oh, we had to buy two?"

VIA Coming Soon

Star Magazine (via SS) thinks they know the real reason why the fartytale romance of this generation was flushed down the toilet. The reason is TWITTER! Jennifer Aniston was apparently completely over John Mayer choosing his Twitter over her twatter.

Jen apparently would flip out and punch her bagina bone with her Blackberry whenever John updated his Twitter without calling or texting her ass. John would take hours upon hours to return her calls and when he did, he would tell her he was too busy. But he obviously wasn't too busy to spread the gospel according to douchebags on Twitter.

A source said, "Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he'd update with some stupid line. And in her mind, she was like 'He has time for all this Twittering, but he can't send me a text, an email, make a call?' He didn't even deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she called him on it and ended things, he just said OK, and that he was sorry it didn't work out. He took the break-up like a man."

Basically, he wasn't into her ass anymore and would rather rub his limp dick all over his Twitter page (you know he does that) than call her. But bitch should really count herself lucky that John dropped his douche nuggets on Twitter rather than drop them on her.

Now whenever Jenny sees a blue ass bird flying by, she's going to throw a rock or shoe at it. A damn bird stole her man!