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This magical fairy right here! When I finally eat the death dick, look up Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard in the directory of crazy, because this enchanting pixie needs to bring her brilliance to my funeral!

The 25-year-old pranced into the funeral of a man she didn't even know in Laurens County, SC. Nicole took center stage in front of the service and proceeded to dance around while waving a magical wand over the casket. Tinkercrazy then opened the casket, touched the dead man and threw flowers at the audience. After her grand dance of the insane, Nicole fluttered away and flew off in a burgundy Toyota.

You know the audience gave her a standing ovation. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even the dead man came back to life, clapped and then died again.

The cops pulled her over on a nearby highway and she admitted to everything she did back at the church. Nicole said she didn't know anyone at the funeral, but "felt it was the right thing to do at the time."

Tinkercrazy was charged with disorderly conduct and disrupting a funeral.

Seriously, even crazy ass OctoMommy wants to hug Tinkercrazy with a straitjacket and calmly tell her to stop listening to the Peter Pan voice inside her head. Whatever kind of kitchen-made bad shit she's on, she needs to keep taking it.

By crashing one funeral at a time, Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard is making the world a magical place.

Source

(Thanks Vinyl Villager)

When Elle Magazine asked Vanessa Lutz about her best homegirl Jakey Gyllenhaal, she said, "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy."

Fabulous? Reese might as well have said that the bitch is feir-feir-feeeeeeirce. And that he's so glittery that she just wants to wear him as a dress while skipping along the rainbow trails left by his ass.

Reese went on to talk about how she's made of sugars, “I’m made of cookies after the holidays. Everything inside me is made of sugar and flour and a little red wine–a lot of red wine.”

This bitch might be gayer than Jakey. Might be.

Visit Elle to read the rest of Reese's interview if you give a shit.

I was about to write that this is the gayest season of American Idol, but then I remembered Gayken's season. Gayken has the power of ten thousand gays inside him. So this is the second gayest season! One of the bitches you can thank for that is Nathaniel Marshall and his PP-inspired headband. I just want to take that headband, stretch it back and then release. If it hits him in the head hard enough it might make his eyes pop out. Bitch always has those beady mole eyes!

Nathaniel really should have sang "Let's Hear It For the Boy," but he did Meat Loaf's "I Will Do Anything for Love." You know, I feel like Nathaniel stumbled into the wrong reality show. Bitch should be on RuPaul's Drag Race. While watching him skip around last night, I kept thinking that I really want to see him with a wig on his head and a big dress on his body. The gods above might have brought him into this world just so he could play Edna Turnblad in Haispray. He could play that role now until the end of his days. Bitch doesn't have a chance in Simon Cowell furry chichi hell tonight. He's out. Well, he's already out OUT (his wrist did the honors), but he's not going any further.

It's obvious that the two whores the judges popped jizz balls over are going on. Lil Rounds and Blind Scott sealed it up. They were both just alright. Not amazing. Just, eh. I had a hard time concentrating on Lil Round's voice, because I was so mesmerized by that ASS! I could serve Thanksgiving dinner for 12 on that ass. It's fucking amazing. As for Scott, he could have sang The Most Offensive Song from South Park and he would still get through. By the way, Paula Abdul has no idea he's blind, right?

The third spot will either go to that chick with bangs who was brought back from the dead or Jorge from Puerto Rico. If Jorge goes on, can they please bring a chola into his life to fix those eyebrows. It looks like Vadge's vintage sascrotch sat above his eyes. I just want to take an Epilady to those things!

And I am so over that Kara Dioguardi bitch! She doesn't open her mouth all the way when she talks and she always says, "I don't know what kind of artist you are." BITCH! They are going to be whatever artist the American Idol evil lords want them to be. They don't have any say. Ugh. Someone please sprinkle Vicodin dust on her, so Paula can throw her up in the air, catch her with her mouth and swallow her whole!

The girl crush of many, Mariska Hargitay, is laid up in the hospital for the second time this year due to a fucked up lung. Back in January, Mariska spent some time on the surgery table when her lung partially collapsed. It was rumored that was in some kind of ski accident. Mariska went back to work on Law & Order: SVU a short time later.

According to People, Mariska was put back in the hospital last night after suffering chest pains. Her spokeswhore hasn't said shit and it's unknown why her lungs are being like that.

Mariska needs to take some time out, lay down and watch some stories. Law & Order will always be there, waiting for her. You know, I have an idea! DING! Since Ice-T's #1 prostitute, CoCo, did so well on SVU the last time she was on, she should temporarily fill-in for Mariska! She can play the same character and everything. Not many will know the difference! CoCo is a true chameleon! That will give Mariska time to get better.

Who will saaaaaaave Jewel's knee?! Apparently not much will, because she might be out of Dancing for Relevancy. Alaska's favorite snagtooth has been struggling in rehearsals because of tendinitis. UsWeekly says that Hef's former colostomy bag changer, Holly Madison, is joining the cast and may be Jewel's replacement.

Jewel will be on the show's season premiere this Monday, but announce that she's quitting that bitch because of her jacked up knee. Fuck that mambo crap, how is Jewel going to give impromptu blow jobs in parking lots and alley ways? I'd be more concerned about that than skipping around in sequins. Did I just say that?

CHERYL BURKE is really something else for starting the curse early. The show hasn't even begun and the witch is already taking out her competition. Yes, Mop Head's partner, Gilles Marini, pulled his groin, but she did that to throw everybody off. And she really wanted an excuse to rub her mop head all over his crotch. She told him it's some special kind of massage.

The other contestants better stay indoors and keep a Swiffer close, because CHERYL BURKE is coming for them next. She can't stand Swiffers.

Tom Brady with his titties out does nothing for me. Okay, I'd motorboat - Popsugar

Malin Ackerman almost pulled a HoHan - Egotastic!

And now I've suddenly got a craving for turkey and gravy - Hollywood Tuna

Jessica Bile looks fucking thrilled on her birfday - Just Jared

A Brit Brit song made IT furious, so she took it out on Baby Jesus by forcing him to make out with her - Towleroad

Another reason to love Thom Yorke - Lainey Gossip

Still trash: HoHan & SamRo then and now - Cityrag

Wonky McValtrex and her herptits (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Lily Allen makes ribs look gross - Hollywood Rag

This shit basically speaks for itself. There are no words..... I am Spaghetti Cat speechless. But before I go and cuddle up to a plate of chicken cutlets, let me officially declare Phoebe Price as "Hot Babe of the Millennium!"

Vanilla Ice is apologizing for EVERYTHING he's done to this planet in this viral video thing for Virgin Mobile. This bitch doesn't need to say sorry for shit! I should be the one thanking his ass, because Ice Ice Baby changed my life. Sort of.

In school, a group of cholas and I danced to this mess during the annual talent show. We didn't win a damn thing. In fact, my ass got booed during my big solo. These motherfuckers not only booed, they also shouted shit like, "You go, girl!" and "Fag!" Up to this point, I was pretty much blind to shit like that. But there I was on stage, exposed. It was then that the cunt switch in me turned on and I realized that I hated people. So, thank you, Mr. Ice. Thank you for being a huge part of the moment where I saw the light.

(Thanks Izzy)

In the new issue of Glamour, the "biggest stars" (their fuckery-laced words, not mine) pose as female icons throughout history. Even with the newest version of Photoshop, Blohan doesn't pull off vintage Vadge. Bitch should have done current day Vadge instead. They look about the same age. Plop a curly wig on SamRo's head and she could easily pass as Baby Jesus after getting the youth sucked out of him by Vadge's roidy cooze. Now that would have made sense.

The other skanks in the magazine are: Camilla Belle (as Mary Tyler Moore), Emma Stone (as Carrot Horseshaw), Emma Roberts (as Audrey Hepburn), Alexis Bledel (as Rosie the Riveter), Ugly Betty (as Dolores Huerta), Alicia Keys (as Michelle Obama), Kim Zolciak's wig (as the Obama dog), Elisha Cuthbert (as Brandi Chastain), Hayden Panatroll (as Amelia Earhart), Paula Patton (as Billie Holiday), Chanel Iman (as Althea Gibson) and Odette Yustman, Spencer Grammer and Tater Head (as the hippies of Woodstock).

The picture with Tater Head is borderline babeh abuse. That tortured baby is trying to unsee what he's just seen. I hope his parents are paying attention, because if they ever get him a Mr. Potato Head for his birthday, that kid is going to take shelter under his bed and never come out. They better not make that mistake.

Here I was thinking that Megan Fox's vagina was going to chomp its way through all the peens of Hollywood. I was wrong, because it looks like she's back to riding Hi-Ho David Silver, but who knows? Maybe they were caught on their way to ex sex. Dickmatization does that to a slut.

When you break up with good dick, at first you get all empowered by telling yourself you don't need to bust nuts in order to be happy. Then before you know it, you're laying in bed and all you can think about is that good dick. It doesn't matter the dick is attached to a major bag of caca. No. You don't even think of that. You just think of that peen opening its lips and softly telling you how much it loves you. That shit make you call the dick owner and tell him how much you miss him, blah.. blah.. blah... When really you just want to hit that dick again.

That's probably what happened to Megan. Or maybe this was just one of those publicity stunt things fameswhores can't stop themselves from doing. Yeah, after all that, let's go with the latter.