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"Nadya got real greedy. This woman is nuts." This is the shit OctoMommy's former spokeswhore said to UsWeekly after quitting her insane ass on Friday night.

NUTS doesn't even begin to describe the craziness that bitch is made out of. If you took the word NUTS, wrapped it in straitjackets, threw it in a padded room and treated it with electroshock therapy while a chorus of Nurse Ratcheds danced around it, it still wouldn't look as half as crazy as OctoMommy.

This is the second time a publicist crossed OctoMommy off their client list. Her first pr whore couldn't take all the death threats. Victor Munoz, her second spokesbitch, didn't seem to mind the death threats, he just couldn't take the fact that his client doesn't have the sane gene in her whole body. Victor went on to say, "It just got to be too much. It's pretty much a free for all over there right now. They are freaking out right now. Not to sound arrogant, but those people depended on me for everything. You have no idea what I’ve had to do for these people. This I can say: what ultimately destroyed the business arrangement was personal reasons."

What ultimately destroyed it was that you can probably have a more reasonable conversation with a fucking burnt rutabaga than with that bag of crazy.

You know, OctoMommy is running out of options. Somebody, preferably a psychiatrist, should introduce her to Heather Mills. The two have one major thing in common: they are both certifiably motherfucking INSANE. They've got backwards brains! Together they can open up a pr agency for wackos. I'm sure there's a loony bin that will give them free office space with a gorgeous view of a padded wall.

The term "star" means absolutely fucking nothing to the producers of Dancing with the Has-Beens. This shit show needs to change their name to Dancing with the WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?! Because apparently Melissa, the ho who got her ass dumped by that troll Jason on The Bachelor, has replaced Nancy O'Dell. As you might know, Nancy had to quit that bitch because her knee pulled a Tony Harding on itself.

A source tells People that 25-year-old Melissa Rycroft started rehearsing just a few days ago. She will dance during Monday's premiere. Yeah, and I'm sure she'll be laid up in the hospital by Tuesday morning after the voodoo witch CHERYL BURKE gets a hold of her.

Hugh Hefner's former concubine Holly Madison is also expected to shake her plastic titty sacks tomorrow night in place of Jewel, who also busted her knee.

If Melissa shoved the entire Orion constellation up her ass, she still wouldn't be worthy enough to be called a star. Come the fuck on. If they were going to choose a bitch from that fake ass show, they should've gone with Stephanie. Fuck, even Stephanie's gorgeous eyebrows are more deserving than Melissa.

Emma Watson from those Hairy Potter movies left Bungalow 8 in London the other night with "Be Emma" written on her chest. This is the kind of shit that happens when you pass out drunk and your friends think it will be really cute to graffiti your ass. That's why when you're about to fall into a booze coma, try your best to hide every pen, Sharpie, eyeliner or anything else they can use to write on your ass. Shit, I'd hide any dude dog you have in the house too, because those hos can use his lipstick. It's true! Bitches are cruel when the Boone's Farm is flowing. I've been a victim before.

Actually, Emma could have done this shit to herself while sober. She's a teenager in the age of texting, IMing, e-mailing, Twittering, flittering, blah...blah..blah. She probably just discovered all the fun things you can do with pens.

This little ball of utter adorableness is now prancing around the fields in heaven after a horrific fire took his young life. Martha Stewart delivered the heart-killing news via her Twitter. Martha barely got the Chow puppy she named Gengis Khan a few months ago. According to Martha, some kind of freak propane explosion is to blame. This is what she wrote:

And then about one hour later, she Twittered this:

I swear, only fucking Martha!

But seriously, this is fucking sad. Puppies aren't supposed to go to heaven so soon. Especially not like this! The sads in every way. Rest in peace, Gengis and all the other doggies who passed away in the accident.

VIA Valleywag

Mayor Pat Ahumada of Brownsville, Texas -Mayor Pat is a massive pet lover and in a crazy, crazy way. The overzealous superhero for all animals has been known to go above and beyond for a furry friend in need. A few days ago, Pat got a call from a local TV station that a dog was stuck on a balcony in a home. Pat called the fire department and arrived at the house. He saw the dog lying on the balcony with its paws hanging off the side. He climbed a ladder, broke in and saved the dog! Everyone cheered, however the owner wasn't fucking thrilled. Bitch was home and found Mayor Pat standing in her kitchen. The best part is that the dog was just trying to get some damn sun. It was sunbathing! Damn. A bitch can't sun their ass in peace anymore.

The owner is pissed and said her dog is well taken care of. Mayor Pat said, "I didn't know the condition of the dog or if the building was abandoned. ... The animal's paws were hanging out from the railing and he was struggling to get up."

In 2007, Mayor Pat got into some trouble because he took a dog thinking it was a stray and gave it to a family. The dog belonged to someone and the whole thing ended up in court. In 2004, Mayor Dog Lover was charged with thieving after he stole a dog from a shelter, because he said the bitch wasn't getting proper treatment.

Mayor Pat's heart is in the right place even though his brain fucking isn't!

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