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I haven't seen Dakota Fanning in a movie since that Dreamer shit. Don't you dare fucking judge. I had an awful case of the sicks, so I was high on NyQuil and feeling vulnerable. Needless to say, that horse poop made me sicker.

Because I haven't seen Dakota do acting shit in a movie since 2005, I'm not really sure what her skills are. So when I read that she is going to play Cherie Currie in The Runaways movie, I wasn't sure whether I should fall down and cry or co-sign it in my blood. I can already confirm that Dakota will be a million times better than ScarJo, HoHan, Taylor Momsen or any of those other hos, but that's not saying much. And at 15, Dakota is the right age for this mess. But can her hair look like it was cut by an angel's wing the same way Cherie's does? That is the fucking test. They better not use wigs on this shit. If Dakota's hair can't look like that naturally, then don't bother!

Variety also confirms that Kristen Stewart of that Twilight crap will play Joan Jett. And by "play," I mean just stand there and look glazed over. Kristen always looks like she just spent 5 hours sniffing glue before coming up with the idea that eating it my give her a better high. They should've cast a piece of wet plywood as Joan instead. It would've given us more raw emotion.

Dakota and Kristen are both shooting the sequel to Twilight next and will probably make The Runaways movie after that. I feel like no matter what it's still going to look like a really long American Apparel commercial.

Damnnnnn. Kanye West needs to tell his girl to turn down the brightness on her leggings. Tell her in all CAPS. Those leggings are my breaking my MacBook eyes!

I feel like I need to drop acid to deal with this shit. Seriously, Amber Rose looks like something my imagination would create while riding on an acid high at a desert rave or some shit. She's like a giant glowstick. Actually, fuck acid. Drop the E, drink some orange juice and make her bounce around. That trippy shit would take you to another dimension. Another dimension where Kanye's blog posts make absolute sense the first time you read them.

Here's Kanye and his bought-and-paid-for robot girl at the Stella McCartney show in Paris.

There has been so much talk about Brit Brit's pussy today that I'm starting to get a craving for microwaved pig gristle covered in melted down puffed Cheetos and creamed beef.

And now there's a video of Brit Brit declaring that her shaved possum has tried to escape. My new voicemail message is at the 0:30 mark. I'm sure ten million remixes will follow. It's Britney's pussy, bitch.

Here's a few pictures of Brit Brit keeping her poon tucked in while shopping in Miami yesterday.

This actor has long been a target of speculation about his sexuality. Although he’s had several girlfriends, everyone is generally convinced he is G-A-Y! We have some information that makes us sure that he isn’t. He is indeed very straight. But perhaps his girlfriend should be less concerned about being in public to make him appear straight and pay better attention to his phone bills and who he’s calling for a little kinky conversation. He’s not calling men, if that’s what you’re thinking. (BuzzFoto)

Ja-Ja-Ja-Jakey? I almost couldn't write it. You know Reese's pr whores wrote that shit!

Which pop diva just got her second boob job? Bet you didn’t know about the first one, either - it’s that good, and that out of character. (Gatecrasher)

Mimi? And yes we all knew.

You probably might know his name, and he works hard in B roles in film and television. Here’s a clue. He has been in a movie with Emile Hirsch. A comedic role. Anyway, our actor has been recently using coupons like mad. Oil changes, restaurants, and the word is that he makes his significant other use them when she does the grocery shopping. Not sure why our actor would need to save so much. He makes pretty good bank. He tells friends its a hobby, and maybe it is. But we still think it’s a little weird to see our tall & hot actor whip out a coupon for 10 bucks off his meal. (BuzzFoto)

I love a hot bitch who knows how to cut a coupon. My guess is Timothy Olyphant after a quick IMDB search.

This movie is in the final stages of production but has hit some big delays. The movie stars this A list tween star (A list only refers to his tweenness) as he attempts to break out into completely different roles. The problem the production is having is that they keep trying to get songs contributed for the movie and every artist just laughs and says no when they find out who the movie stars. At this point, the movie is just going to be filled with songs of anyone who says yes no matter who it is. (CDAN)

Cover Girl Zac Efron and that 17 Again movie?

Which celeb was so caned on ketamine at a party she began dancing with a plant? (3am Girls)

This seems fucking tame compared to the shit I've done on that mess. My guess is HoHan? And I'm sure right after she danced with it, she was caught sucking on its leaves thinking she was giving it a blow job.

Birthday: 2000 or 2001 (I can do math!)
Age: 8
Birth Name: Ugly Bat Boy

Original Date of HS of the Day: March 1, 2009
Claim to Fame: Uggs (not to be confused with you know what) has always been a hometown star in Exeter, New Hampshire, but the world has started taking notice of his beauty and now the pussy is internationally famous.

Where is he now? Uggs holds it down at his owner's veternary hospital, but he might hit Hollywood soon. His owner said they just got an offer to do Ellen Degeneres' show. After that will be a spread in Elle Magazine, then a Cover Girl contract and then he'll be announced as the new host of America's Next Top Pussy.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because beauty like this doesn't come around too often. But keep Beyonce away from him, because she might try to make a wig out of his fur.

Beyonce needs to officially replace her Single Ladies videos with this. Sasha Fierce who?! - Just Jared

9021-hos in bikinis - Egotastic!

When Ditto met Karl - Lainey Gossip

A porn star takes a caca on camera.....and she didn't wipe. Have some class and wipe! (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Megan Fox is still fucking with Long Dong Silver - Hollywood Tuna

A Survivor gaymance - Towleroad

Jacko doesn't even know what dimension he's in, let alone what time it is - Hollywood Rag

Bronx Mowgli the moment he realized what his name is - Popsugar

Every ANTM season hasn't officially started until Rich publishes his first recap - FourFour

Attack of the man hands - Cityrag

Finally tonight, Jesus is fucking everywhere - Videogum

If you're something called a Hayden Panettiere, don't go around acting like you're hot caca. Because you're fucking not. Apparently, at some event in Hawaii this past weekend, the angry Gremlin brought her cunt show to the red carpet.

UsWeekly says that at a benefit for the Rehabilitation Hospital of the Pacific Foundation in Honolulu, Hayden flipped out at photographers and reporters. Before posing for pictures, she yelled "Back up!" When a TV reported touched her on the shoulder to get her attention, Hayden screamed, "Don't you ever touch me!" Hayden finally had enough, but before she stomped off, she told reporters, "You all make my life miserable!"

She's even making the whales cry!

Somebody stick this troll on the end of a pencil and shove her into the bottom drawer. I swear. She should have stomped into that rehab hospital and checked herself in. Bitch needs to eat a large piece of Valium pie (delicious!) and chill out in a Calgon bath. But I'd probably be all sorts of cunty too if I was no longer riding the Milo peen express.

Here's the angry troll arriving at LAX yesterday with Darin Brooks from Days of Our Lives. How does she keep landing sort-of hot dudes? These dudes must have a fetish for mutant gymnasts or something.

W Magazine should have spent less time making Drew Barrymore's face look like it's made out of porcelain and sold on QVC, and more time Photoshopping some VO5 hot oil on her mop. If you want hair like Drew's, just visit a damn barn. Shit.

If Drew ever finds herself in the same room as Pony Parker, she shouldn't be surprised when Pony starts snacking on her straw nest.

Barbie turns 50 years old and the ho hasn't aged one bit thanks to all that plastic in her face. Barbie was a major part of my childhood. In case you couldn't tell, I played with that slut when I was a young homo. In fact, one of the first things bitches say to me when they meet me is, "You played with Barbies as a child, right?" And how!

I had one main Barbie. I stole it from my sister and that skank went everywhere I did. She was also the biggest slut on the block. She effed every G.I. Joe and Transformer doll in the neighborhood. She would sex them without even knowing their names! After a couple of months of doing slut shit with dudes, my Barbie started humping on other Barbies and even my Catra doll. A little while after that, I turned her into a full-on punk dyke by chopping off her hair and using a marker to color it bright green. She met her demise when one of the dumb whores in my neighborhood ran her over with a lawnmower. Poor skank. But she did pass down her life motto to me: Fuck everything and everyone!

I'm sure you all have your own Barbie stories, but that skank spread her no-crotch everywhere!

Below are some pictures of a life-size Barbie cake in Sydney. That thing still looks more life-like than Nicole Kidman!

I'm totally still in a booze haze from the weekend, because when I first saw the thumbnails of these pictures, I thought it was a topless Skeletor Anthony for a quick second. It wasn't a surprise to my that the police were chasing his ass, because a half-nekkid Skeletor is illegal. I was afraid that when I clicked for the full size, my stomach would pop out of my ass. Luckily, it was Gavin Rossdale instead.

43-year-old Gavin aired his sexy shit out while filming the music video for "Forever May You Run" in Los Angeles yesterday.

It goes without saying, but I'd jump on Gavin's machine head so fucking fast. However, I'd have to talk to that pube bush on his chest first. They shouldn't be commiserating in one place like that. Spread the hairy love!