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Monday, April 13th 2009

When Someone Says They Are Going To Pass Out, They Are Probably Going To Pass Out


Glenn Beck, a crazy person who has a show on Fox News, is so powerful at presenting that he makes hos pass out! Today on his show, Glenn was talking about some shit called the "Path to Destruction" (sounds like a party to me) when one of his guests, David Buckner, was ready to check out. David said to Glenn, "I'm going to pass out." Glenn must be used to making hos dizzy, because he practically ignored his ass. He just smiled like he was letting out a slow fart. Glenn finally gave David a hand when he realized the dude was about to go BOOM. When David was on the floor, one producer slowly approached him like he was a rabid animal or some shit! He's not going to bite, he's fucking out cold!

Glenn later said that David was fine and receiving medical attention. Can you imagine if the last image you saw was Glenn Beck's face? There's no way David was going to go out like that!

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

It's That Good

Popeye's is some good shit. You can't lie. It makes people do wrong things for it. A young mother in Jacksonville, FL knows all about what kind of effed up crap a bitch will do for some deliciousness.

The young woman, we'll call her Crystal, was closing up a Popeye's with her boyfriend when a few dudes in a Pontiac started following their asses. Crystal had a box of chicken which made the men go crazy! Crystal says they started shouting at her, "GIVE US THE CHICKEN!" Aw. I remember in the old days when strange, creepy old men in cars would shout that at me when I was walking down the street. I'd just stick my ass out and pucker. But that's not the kind of chicken they wanted from Crystal, they wanted her Popeye's! Crystal wasn't about to give that shit up, so she kept on walking.

After a few minutes, the dudes sped off. Crystal and her man kept on walking home thinking they were gone, but the dudes reappeared and this time they stepped their shit up. They pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot Crystal if she didn't give up the chicken! Crystal's boyfriend begged them not to shoot her ass, because she's two months pregnant. Crystal and her boyfriend got on the floor and that's when the poultry robbers stole her chicken and her purse. They only took her purse, because they probably thought she had some dirty rice and biscuits in there.

The police are currently looking for the chicken thieves.

The police of Jacksonville should really cruise over to West Palm Springs, FL to knock on the door of Latarian Milton. This story has "hood rat stuff all" over it. Latarian probably can drive like a pro by now and you know how he loves his chicken. He will beat his grandma over some chicken fingers, so I'm sure he would pistol whip a trick over some Popeye's!

Source

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Do They Have Blowdryers In The Chokey?

Phil Spector was just found guilty of second-degree murder in the murder of Lana Clarkson in 2003. Lana was found shot to death in Phil's home in Alhambra. Phil was tried for her murder in 2007, but the jury couldn't come up with a verdict. They did this time however and now Phil will have to find a way to cut his hair with a plastic spork in the big house. You know how he feels about his mop. Phil could get at least 18 years.

Ding, dong, the shaggedy-haired troll witch is finally getting his. Phil shouldn't be too weepy though. He's a shoo-in for Miss Inmate USA '09. His luscious locks will win him the top prize.

Source: LAist

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Hot Slut Of The Week: Scotland's #1 Male Barbie

Birthday: 1989ish
Age: 20
Birth Name: Ross Somethingoranother

Original Date of HS of the Day: April 9, 2009
Claim to Fame: Ross is the self-appointed #1 male Barbie in Scotland. Ross believes that you can never be too orange (that might be Xtina's personal motto), you can never wear enough fake gold jewelry and your coochie cutters can never be too short. Because of this, the BBC came to visit Ross in Aberdeen for an episode of Snog, Marry, Avoid. I think it airs soon.

Where is he now? Ross is either doing himself with a bronzer stick or he's at the free clinic being treated for foundation poisoning. It's also possible that Ross is working the day shift as the main Oompa Loompa fluffer.

Why is he HS of the Week? Basically, because of the trailer below and because of his Bebo page. Seriously, check out his amazing page. How many wonders does one cavern hold?


Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Kathie Lee Pounces On Zac


When Kathie Lee Gifford is coming your way, you better hide the booze and run for you life. Zac Efron didn't know this rule when Kathie Lee ambushed him on Today this morning. Kathie Lee strolled up in hair curlers and a cougar face to tease Zac for making fun of her sweet precious Cody on SNL this past weekend. Kathie Lee told Zac that her Cody is way cuter than him and that he needs to stop wearing his mop like that. Kathie Lee also handed Cody's phone number over to Zac and said to call him. Cody's number my asshole! Kathie Lee's after-hours phone number was totally on that piece of paper along with a sketch of her cougar pussy.

Kathie Lee totally reminds me of THAT mother growing up. You know, that mother who drank wine coolers all day, wore Payless high heels with her sweats and talked about how she hopes her cooze can get wet again for she gets vaginal rejuvenation surgery, because it's been feeling so itchy lately. Then she strokes your hair and asks you if you want a butter and sugar sandwich. Seriously, one of my friend's mother was just like that. She later told me that the best way to pretend like you're swallowing after a beej is to spit in a beer bottle, so he thinks you're washing it down. The lessons of life.

Skip to the 5:15 mark to see Mama Kathie trying to get on Zac.

And the bestest part of the video is at the end when Kathie Lee almost breaks Matt's fucked-up shoulder by leaning against it. She doesn't even care!

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Afternoon Crumbs

The Photoshop Awards: Chelsea Handler almost baring her "Pikachu" in Allure. But where's Chuy? - Egotastic!

Jessica Simpson looking busted while wearing a dress made out of Mr. Furley's loin-cloth - Hollywood Tuna

Dykes on bikes - Just Jared

Easter chirruns - Lainey Gossip

Blohan's new drug of choice that also can double as a dildo - Popsugar

Just a little mother/daughter bonding over how to fuck with 7 dicks at the same time (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Creepy shit you find at the Dollar Store - Gawker

Kathy Griffin has puss warts on her throat now - Towleroad

SamRo has already replaced her old partner in pussy with a Blohan look-alike who has dark hair. WAIT!? That sounds a lot like The Curious Case of Ali Lohan! - Hollywood Rag

Celebwhore gun battle. No, the first one is not Iggy Pop - Cityrag

Bobby Trendy's regular ole' Easter Sunday outfit! And you know where he hid the bunny. - Best Week Ever

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

STFU Miley

This one again. Miley Cyrus is doing that thing everyone has told her not to do: TALK! In the new issue of Teen Vogue (via Page Six), Disney's #1 whore is gnawing at the hand that feeds her sugar cubs and carrots. Miley gave her thoughts on Alice in Wonderland, "It's such a perverted movie. It's all about Ecstasy. I swear! Look it up online."

Well, I looked it up online and found that Lewis Carroll wrote the book in 1865, the movie came out in 1951 and Ecstasy didn't start making the rounds until years later. Miley Cyrus is a stupid bitch. I swear! Look it up online.

You know what's really perverted? The fact that this pork rind dust for brains hillbilly is making trillions of dollars. That's what's really perverted.

And I'm not a professor like Miley, but I'm pretty sure the Hannah Montana movie is all about CACA. Again, look it up online if you don't believe me.

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Open Post: Hosted By Señorita Botox Face

This is really some "La Isla Bonita: 30 years later" shit!

Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas played dress up while watching an Easter parade in Malaga, Spain yesterday. I love how everyone around Melanie isn't wearing a costume. Actually, this is probably how Melanie always dresses when she's in Spain! Her crazy ass probably thinks this makes her look like a native!

Melanie should really replace the current picture on her fucking amazing website with the picture above. It would take it to new levels of ridiculousness.

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Where's Demi Moore When You Need Her?

Let's say someone broke into your house, destroyed your living room, locked your dog in your own car and then logged onto your Twitter and posted a message that they offed your ass. What would you do? Most of us would call 911, 411, 311, 211 (all the fucking 11s) while Twittering Demi Moore for help! Not Tila Tequila. That's what she claimed happened to her last night, but she refused to get the cops involved.

It all started, when the messages above went up on Tila's Twitter early this morning. About an hour later, Tila logged in as herself saying that someone broke into her house and her Twitter. The twatter Twittered that a mad stalker got into her house while she was gone and kept her dog prisoner in a car trunk! Here's some of the messages she left:

Pt.3 too much has happened. I am scared, exhausted and drained but I am ok! Want to apologize to my fans who were worried about me"

"Im moving into a different house very soon because I have a stalker who is very much so endangering my life at the moment....I love u all."

"They Broke everything in my living room....EVERYTHING IS SHATTERED! I'm so sad right now....this sucks."

"I dont want to call police because media will get involved and im an emotional wreck right now and dont media will make it worse. Going away

"Then I found my dog locked in the trunk of my car!!!!!!!!!! I've been crying all night. THis is fucked up. I'm sad and shocked and bye"

Tila doesn't want to call the police, but she'll announce it to the whole Twitterworld?! Demi must not follow Tila, because if she did, she'd have a Swat Team on her roof in a quick minute.

There's no way I'd be typing away on Twitter after some crazed maniac locked my dog in a car. I mean, wasn't Tila afraid that the loon was still hiding her house, waiting to cut her ankles or some shit? You know how they do it in horror movies. Seriously, something in the milk ain't clean about this.

VIA ONTD

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, April 13th 2009

Marilyn Chambers Has Passed Away

Former porn star and Ivory Snow model, Marilyn Chambers, has died at the young age of 57. AVN says Marilyn was found dead yesterday inside of her trailer in Santa Clarita, California by her daughter. The reason for her death isn't known right now, but an autopsy will be performed.

Marilyn was the star of one of the most legendary fuck films of all-time and forever Behind the Green Door. I think I've seen it a dozen times just for the glorious scene starring soaring semen. All jizz should glide through the air like that.

I learned all sorts of things about Marilyn while reading her Wikipedia page. She was the Ivory Snow girl while she was filming Behind the Green Door. She was also one of the only girls who could fully deepthroat John Holmes. And Marilyn was the first porn star to completely shave her private areas.

Marilyn tried to break into the mainstream by starring in David Cronenberg's Rabid, but a Hollywood career never happened for her. In 2004, Marilyn ran for VP of the United States On the Personal Choice Party ticket.

She is survived by her daughter McKenna. May Marilyn rest in peace.

Posted by: Michael K