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Jerry O'Connell isn't exactly the most fascinating or glamorous dude in all the land and I know why. His parents kept all the glamour for themselves! Feast your eyes on them! Why doesn't Jerry bring them to the house more often? They should go everywhere he goes, because they actually make him look more interesting than a plate of steamed jicama.

Can you imagine spending time with them at their house? It would be like taking a hit of acid and then reading a Ghost World comic while an Alfred Hitchcock movie plays in the background. All their upholstered furniture is probably covered in plastic. Mrs. O'Connell serves you table crackers and tap water while Mr. O'Connell introduces you to their collection of taxidermy animals wearing glasses. You know they are crazy obsessive about their glasses. Mrs. O'Connell will slap a trick in the mouth if you even think of touching her glasses. I love them and want to party with them. I won't touch their glasses. And you know Mrs. O'C is wearing nipple tassles and a leather g under that coat. Homegirl has a wild side.

No, she's doing a documentary series that will follow her babies around 24-hours a day for long periods of time until they turn 18. It will air on TV. It's NOT a reality show. That's what OctoCrazy herself claims anyway.

She finally confirmed to Life & Style that she's going to pimp those babies out for a dirty dollar, "Yes, it is official. I'm going to be doing a show, but it's not a reality show. What I'm doing with this TV show is basically creating documentaries about the lives of my children. It's going to be an ongoing thing, and it will follow them from now until they are 18. It's being done by Eyeworks; they're in the UK. It will air in the UK and then we'll see if the US is interested."

If it looks like a reality show, walks like a reality show and talks like a reality show, it's really a documentary? Whatever. She says "potato," we say "YOU A CRAZY HO!"

OctoCrazy continued to defend the whoring out of her babies by saying the reality show will also provide her with professionally shot home movies, "It will give me the opportunity to have incredible home movies that, believe me, I don't have the time to make myself. Having this documentary crew allows me to focus on raising my children and still have great movies of them."

You've really got to slow clap for this crazy. Her mammoth mountain of delusion isn't crumbling anytime soon. Don't tell her that, though, because then she'll start selling hiking packages to her mountain of delusion.

And because of her reality....I mean...docusuckery show...OctoMommy has filed for trademark of the name "OctoMom." Not only does she plan to use it for her show, but she also wants to slap on the name on a bunch of stupid shit including diapers and clothes.

Like it or not, OctoCrazy is the biggest baby pimp in the game! She will turn any baby out.

Um...Hugh, yeah, you've got a little penis milk above your lip. You might want to remember to look in the mirror after leaving the glory hole - Just Jared

Fuggie Fug keeps the paps from taking a picture of her diaper - Hollywood Tuna

What not to wear when you have a concave ass: these jeans - Popsugar

Two of Domino's greatest employees will be arrested for assault with a greasy booger - Towleroad

If Tater Head and Dita Von Teese had a broken condom baby - Egotastic!

Finally a real fucking sport (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

A natural beauty in every way and I'm not being sarcastic (insert side-eye here) - Hollywood Rag

The glowing Saint Vadge is here to save the miserable and destitute people of Malawi - Lainey Gossip

I see nipples!!! - Cityrag

But my teabagging party has nothing to do with that economy shit. No, this is a party for two on a bearskin rug with a roaring fire in the background and The Isley Brothers playing as our soundtrack. Because it sounds to me like Mah Boo needs to learn more about the art of teabagging.

Last night on his show, when talking about that tax crap, Mah Boo's guest said, "They still haven't found their voice, Anderson. This happens to a minority party after it's lost a couple of bad elections, but they're searching for their voice." To which my Silver Fox looked into the camera, pouted his cum catcher and said, "It's hard to talk when you're teabagging." He followed it with a double eyed-wink which is his way of saying that was just for me. No, it wasn't a blink, bitch! It was a double eyed-wink just for me!

As much as I know that Mah Boo has dipped his tea bags into a pot or two, he probably hasn't been with the right one. I've had many stimulating conversations while getting my bowl filled with nuts. I'll be willing to give Mah Boo a private demonstration. He brings the tea bags and I'll bring the kettle. I bet his tea bags taste like hummingbird juice and Patron Silver.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

The closest I came to ever owning a Beanie Baby is when my mom brought home a bogus one she bought at the Swap Meet. I think it was called a "Bean Child" or something. My mother thought it was the real deal, but thankfully it was not. There's no way I ever wanted any of those evil demon creatures in my house. I even knew then they were whoring it out for the devil! Beanie Babies were obviously Satan's minions, because bitches would skin each alive for one! I went to one wedding where the bride had them in her bouquet. Were they filled with crack?! Or the crumbs of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies? I don't get it! People became Beanie-matized! I bet you some hos sold their ass for Beanie Babies! Don't let their little cutesy faces fool you. They were pure EVIL!

Above is a little video confirming my claims. Beanie obsession affected all walks of life, even creepy child touchers in Hawaiian shirts.

VIA Giggle Sugar

Simon! Oh, how I just want to fuck his fur tittays with a suppository (in a good way)! On last night's American Idol, Simon was like a big bowl of meth-spiked punch at the bore prom! If I got a penny for every time he rolled his eyes during one of the other judge's comments, I'd have enough money to replace Adam Lambert's tired old not-so-skinny jeans! Or Lil Rounds a new wig (we'll get to that later). More after the jump. JUMP!!!

JOKES! Now if Fishsticks Paltrow was wearing that net, I'd mean it!

Even though she has a kitchen strainer over her face, Drew Barrymore still looked hot at the premiere of Grey Gardens last night in New York. Drew totally ransacked the costume closet to put this shit together, but she gets a lispy kiss for a job well done. However, I must say that I already conquered this look aaaaaages ago.

Let's travel back to Halloween a few years ago. For some reason (*cough*too much Ecstasy*cough*), I thought it was a hot idea to dress up in drag as a blonde dominatrix from the 20s. We went to several clubs that night and despite the fact that my peen passed out from being squeezed into tight panties, there weren't any major issues. Well, I shouldn't say ANY. My stupid ass bitch of a cousin decided to kill my thunder by ripping off my wig off while I was busting it to an old Crystal Waters song. Besides that, everything went according to plan until we got home.

They all went inside to pass out in their own vomit, but I stupidly stayed in the front yard to get some air hoping it would stop the drunk barfs from coming. Yeah, well "getting some air" lasted fucking hours, because I passed out with my face smashed into a chain link fence. I'm sure I looked just like the picture above! Well, except my wig was on the grass, cigarette ash was smeared on my face, one of my eyelashes was stuck on my nose and the putty I used to cover up my eyebrows had gotten in my eye. The chain link marks didn't go away for hours! My finest moment.

Here's more of Drew stealing my look with The Mac Dude, Jessica "What Happened To Your Old Face" Lange and Jeanne Tripplehorn.

The mixture of roids and peroxide has fried most of Hulk Hogan's brains including his filter, so that's why fucked up shit tends to come out of his mouth freely. In the new Rolling Stone (via Page Six), Hulk says that after seeing his estranged wife Linda Hogan fuck on a young piece of jerky, he understands why OJ went on a stabbing rampage. If the bandana don't fit, you must acquit!

Hulk said, "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

I'm sure Hulk's Brooke Hogan look-alike girlfriend is there to lick the tears of pain off of his erect clit nips. I know what Hulk is saying, but he's too stupid to word it the right way. I mean, what if Linda and her mantoy were out hiking in the hills and some coyote with blonde hair mauled them? The police would see two bloody bodies covered in raggedy blonde hair and point directly at Hulk!

Besides, if Hulk really wants to do harm to someone he doesn't need to stab them. Just make them watch Mr. Nanny.

Give it to him, Zac! Smack that ass! Show him how pretty pretty princesses do it! - The Bastardly

If Shia LaDouche never played Annie when he was in the 7th grade, I will be really disappointed - ICYDK

Jennifer Aniston might get a baster full of Schwimmer sperm - SOW

Cunty Mills is on an impossible mission - Holy Moly!

Your chance to win an "I Love Jesus Juice" sippy cup has ended - Socialite Life

Kelly Osbourne might have eaten a booger and pube pizza the other night - I'm Not Obsessed

Mel Gibson's maybe mistress kind of looks like Pete Burns - Celebitchy

More like "Are you trying to make us barf through our eye sockets, Ms. Rinna?" I really wish Playboy made this a SANS FARDS issue. And by "fards," I mean farty turds, because then 45-year-old Lisa Rinna would never have been allowed to be on this cover.

This cover is like the scary basement door in a horror movie. You know that when you open up it, you will be violated to the point that your organs will shrivel up and die, but you can't help yourself. You want to know if the hemorrhoid lips match. Put some Prep H on it, please! I can't... I really can't...

(Thanks Ted in LA)