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During the whole press tour for Grey Gardens, Drew Barrymore has been looking like the kind of bitch I want to enter into a drag queen lip-synch contest, so she can win me two drink tickets and a bag of Wet 'N Wild cosmetics. That's a positive thing. Seriously, Drew has been looking really hot and you know I don't pass around compliments the same way I pass around my ass.

At last night's L.A. premiere, Drew brought it again...almost. The Fuckerella hair, the Valley of the Dolls dress, it's all doing good things to me. That's until she smiled. Now, I don't like it when teefs look like giant gleaming white Chiclets, but I shouldn't want to drop her teefs into a baked potato either. That is some Parkay shit! Homegirl just needs a little Wite-Out and she'll be good to roll.

Horsey Montag, Spencer Twatt, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Janice Dickinson, Geraldo Rivera and Rob Blagojevich are doing a reality show together. Unfortunately, it doesn't take place in the ninth circle of HELL! Shit, it doesn't even take place in the Congo, but they are going to the jungle.

So far, the six of them are part of the cast of NBC's I'm NOT RELEVANT A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. They will be dropped in the middle of the jungle in Costa Rica and forced to compete against each other. The fuckery starts airing on June 1st.

By the looks of the cast, this wreck should be called CUNT STEW. Who's next? Ann Coulter and the Hipster Grifter ? Actually, that's not a bad brain idea! Throw in a pack of hongray tigers, a few Somali pirates, the crazy Polar Bear stalker and we've got ourselves a real show!

VIA OK!

This B list television comic actor was at a party very recently. At the party he was overheard offering a female reality tv host increasing amounts of money to sleep with him that night. At one point the offer was $20K. She declined everytime and said she was faithful to her very talented celebrity significant other. (CDAN)

Shit, I would've done it for 20 chicken wings from Popeye's! Okay, for 2 wings. My guess is Charlie Sheen, Heidi Klum and Seal? Charlie doesn't care about a little thing called "baby in the womb."

This D list movie and television actress with A+ list name recognition keeps auditioning for teenage and early 20’s acting roles. The problem she hasn’t realized yet is that all the meth she keeps consuming is making her look 40 and as a consequence hears one no after another for decent roles. Producers don’t want to tell her that though for fear of making her angry or upset which could be very bad for future business. (CDAN)

Bloooooooooooooohan? But could very well be Mischa Barton too.

This young and pretty television actress is a pro on the set. Always on time. Always know her lines. But that may not last long. She has started drinking on a regular basis. It doesn’t take a party for her to pour a little something extra into her beverages. A shot in the afternoon coffee, some vodka in the water bottle. Girl, you’re not hiding it as well as you think. Please get help. (Blind Gosssip)

One the tricks from Gossip Girl? I'm going to guess Blake Lively or Little Jenny? And vodka with coffee is nast. Bitch, use some Bailey's, whisky or a little rum. Don't be sick!

Women aren’t the only ones who are occasionally in denial about their age. This West Coast actor in the forty-ish range is planning on playing a teenager in his next film. No, it’s not like one of those “Big” or “17 Again” scenarios, where the character knows he is one age but is pretending to be another. This actor really thinks he can still pass for a teenager. Those around him won’t tell him to his face that they think he will look like a fool trying to play a character twenty plus years younger, but they sure are talking about it behind his back. Dude, get a clue. (Blind Gossip)

Please let it be Tommy Girl! Please! And please it be for the title role in the remake of Teen Witch!

Which rap titan sweats so profusely during shows that even hard-core female fans won’t go near him until he changes? (Gatecrasher)

Diddy? It's just his body self-moisturizing the sexy.

Every drugstore in Mexico must have been out of SPF: Famewhore, because Kim Kardassian managed to scorch the fuck out of herself sans for the little spot where her OctoMommy sunglasses usually go. I bet her hotel room permanently smells like charred piss. Kim needs to fill her tub with some aloe vera jelly, get in and stay there for a few months.

Although, if she wants to make this work, all she has to do is get herself some of Blohan's liquid diarrhea. Once she does that, she should apply a lot to the unburned areas, bleach her hair blonde, bathe herself in glitter and change her name to California's #1 Armenian Barbie! Ross who?!

Source: Kim Kardashian

Lisa Rinna is naked. I cannot be held responsible if you chew your finger down to the bone and use it to stab your eyes out (NSFL) - ONTD

Up close and personal with Mel Gibson's new favorite pair of sugartits - Egotastic!

This didn't happen to Endora when she first wore this dress. SLUT! - Hollywood Tuna

Oprah needs to step away from the caps lock key. Kanye owns the copyright on that shit. - Just Jared

Thanks to POOP, the paparazzi care about the original Wino again - Lainey Gossip

Pink does have a hot body...for a dude (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

The Great Shitsby - Popsugar

Prince is a fancy lesbian - Towleroad

Amy Wino makes a funny - Holy Moly!

Computer virus or celebrity baby name? - Cityrag

Hugh Laurie defends the common man! - Celebitchy

I guess it's legal in California for a used tampon to marry a lame horse - I'm Not Obsessed

Blame the recession on Janice Dickinson - ICYDK

JLove and Jamie Kennedy are so fucking sweet that I could just fart - Hollywood Rag

Upon seeing a horsey whore approaching, an orange killed itself - Socialite Life

DJ AM will help out crackheads and boozfiends in a new MTV reality show called Gone Too Far. The show will follow young hos who are hooked on the wrong shit and need an intervention in a bad way. DJ AM, a former drug slut himself, will work along with an addiction specialist to help friends and family get the crackhead they love into treatment. Does this shit sound familiar? That's because there's already a show like this and it is a fucking masterpiece!

MTV really just needs to shuttle the junkies off to A&E so Candy Finnegan, Ken Seeley and the pepaw with one of Susan Boyle's eyebrows on his upper lip (his name escapes me) can dry them out! Nobody has the touch like them! Seriously, nothing can come close to Intervention! What other show has given us LOLgems like "Waaaaaalken on sunshine" or (NSFW) "I'm a lay-deeeee of leeeeeisure"? None!

You know, every time I'm about to watch an episode of Intervention, I say to myself, "Don't you laugh this time. This isn't a laughing matter." But I do laugh. Every single time! This makes me a bad person. And you have my permission to make funny remix of me when I eventually end up Intervention in a few years.

VIA UsWeekly

These nut-tingling pictures of purdy Zac Efron didn't make it into his GQ spread, but I'm sure the picture above will make it into thousands of Photoshop programs where a giant peen will replace that parking meter (I'm talking to you, Tommy Girl). Actually, Zac probably Photoshopped a couple of versions himself. One with an enormous concealer stick and the another with Leonardo DiCaprio's head since he basically wants to swallow him whole.

And no matter how hard they try to make his hair look like Robert Pattinson's magical forest, no unicorns will ever frolic in there! Unicorns don't like the smell of pressed powder!

The walking performance fart that is Lady CaCa censored her titty dingles and walked the streets of London while taking pictures of the paparazzi with her sunglasses still on. That X would look a lot better over her face rather than on her droopy colostomy bag titties. Aw. I'm just angry, because I'm too simple to understand Lady GaGMe's undeniable genius. Not since Andy Warhol has the world been graced with such a true artiste.

Now that the teddy bear version of Little Voice is a worldwide star, shit from her past is creeping out. No, not sexy lingerie pictures of her holding Pebbles. Old recordings! This is a recording Susan Boyle did back in 1999 of "Cry Me A River." Unfortunately, it's not the Justin Timberlake "Cry Me A River." That would've made my pepperoni Hot Pocket taste so much more delicious.

Now that we have a new Susan Boyle recording to slobber over, can she stop singing "I Dreamed a Dream" now? That song has been playing on a loop inside of my head for the past few days. It's making me want to dramatically die into someone's arms. I dreamed a dream I never had to hear that damn song again!

And Suz, please get to work on your version of Justin Timerblake's "Cry Me A River."

VIA ONTD

At first glance, I thought that a twink power bottom was peacefully asleep in Kanye West's lap. If you squint your eyes and play with your ass lips, this could look like the cover of a gay porn. SOME BENJAMIN BUTTFUCK'S SHIT!

The robot lezzie tranny known as Amber Rose took off all her panties to pose in ad for Kanye's new line of sneakers for Louis Vuitton. Bitch is just peddling that ass for a dollar. I can't hate. But it's going to take more than a little Amber Rose ass crack to sell those fugly shoes! If CROCS made sneakers, this is what they would look like. BITCH BOGUS!