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When I first heard Amy Wino was going to shower her meth loogies all over Coachella, I was more than willing to fry my ass lips off to get a glimpse of her heroin shake. Then it was announced that America wouldn't let her in, so I put my coochie cutters away. And look at everything I missed!

I mean, I could have witnessed The Hoff doing gross mouth things with some kind of creature who may still have a nutsack dangling down below. Also, I could have marveled at Kate Bosworth attempting to eat a piece of pizza, but not quite getting it. Methinks the skinny bitch forgot how to swallow. Even Reese Witherspoon and her main homegirl were there drinking out of coconuts! Well, I think just Reese was. Jakey knew it was kind of cliche for him to be sucking milky liquid out of a long tube.

But for those of us that didn't go, it's a good fucking thing, because that skankwhoreuglytrampbitchcunt Wonky McValtrex was there to put the HELL in Coachella. Those poor fools who were within a 2-mile radius of Wonky engaging in illegal acts (i.e. tongue fucking her dildo boyfriend) better take a trip down to the free clinic before their pores start leaking toxic pussy fluids.

Here's more celebwhores at Coachella yesterday including Kristin Cavawhogivesafuck, Tara Reid, Evan Rachel Wood's doppelganger and the ghost of Kurt Cobain.

Well, here's a truly fucked up and sad story for a Sunday. The News of the World (I know, I know) claims that 9-year-old Rubina Ali, one of the stars of Slumdog Millionaire, has been put on the auction block by her daddy Rafiq Qureshi. OctoMommy, don't get any ideas.....

The News of the World got all Dateline NBC on Rafiq and sent an undercover reporter to pretend to be a sheik (Why am I picturing Ann Curry as the sheik?) interested in buying Rubina for around £270,000. They did this after finding out a deal between Rafiq and a family in Dubai to buy Rubina fell through.

Rafiq told the fake sheik that he has no choice but to sell his daughter, because the producers of Slumdog never made good on their promise to buy the family a house and get them out of the slums. Rafiq told the fake sheik, "They haven't looked after us. They gave some money at the start but they gave us nothing afterwards. They gave us around 150,000 rupees (£2,040). They've been talking about giving us a house, but all they do is talk. What they showed in the film is exactly how life is here. The government doesn't help us. We get nothing. We live in one room, seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what's best for me, my family and Rubina's future. We haven't got anything yet, it's all supposed to come later!"

Danny Boyle and the producers of Slumdog have already said that they set up a trust fund for the kids to pay for their education and housing. In addition to that, a sound engineer who worked on the film bought each of the kids an apartment in South India. But Rubina's daddy still claims they haven't seen shit.

After finding out about this fuckery, Rubina's mother showed up to Rafiq's house this morning and demanded that her daughter be removed. Rafiq denies trying to sell his daughter, but his second wife said a foreign woman offered to buy Rubina and they turned her down. This led to Rubina's mother and her stepmother punching and choking each other out in front of the house!!

Save the Children was quick to respond and asked India to sign up to to the International Labor Organization's convention to help stop the selling of children to the highest bidder.

And somewhere in the world, Angie Jolie is raising her hand and asking, "Does he accept PayPal?"

Sources: News of the World, Daily Mail, Times Online

Vadge was galloping through Steven Klein's South Hampton, NY estate on a horse yesterday when the paps jumped out of the bushes to get a picture of the two. Obviously, the horse didn't want to be photographed with Vadge on his back, so he threw her ass off!

Vadge got fucked up just a bit and had to be shuttled off to a nearby hospital. Lucky for her ass, Vadge was wearing a helmet and riding gear at the time. Vadge's spokesbitch said the hospital released her after treating her for minor injuries bruises. She will be fine.

Her spokesbitch issued this statement: "The accident occurred when the horse Madonna was riding was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of the bushes to photograph the singer, who was visiting friends on Eastern Long Island over the weekend. Madonna will be having further tests and will continue to remain under observation by doctors."

This isn't Vadge's first time at the "Dropped By A Horse Rodeo," back in 2005 she broke a ton of ole' bones after falling off a horse in England. Damn that Osteoporosis!

So, basically, horseys don't like Vadge very much. Maybe she should start riding something a little closer to the ground. Giant bunny rabbits? Elderly Mastiffs? Morbidly obese pigs? Naw, none of those animals would appreciate a giant roid wart on their back. Vadge should play it safe from now on and stick to riding Baby Jesuses.

Source: UsWeekly

Chicken Joe from Animal Planet's Groomer Has It - For the love of cat cookies, why am I watching this stale dingle of a show?! I can't help it. There's something entertaining about watching a group of crazies carefully cut the hair around a dog's butthole. Blame it on the weed and booze. Anyway, this pepaw who loves tattoos, eyeliner, detachable pony tails and poms is my favorite. It's like if Mr. Furley finally let the big queen inside of him come out and play. This bitch is hot.

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