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We haven't heard much from Jamie Lynn Spears lately. I guess homegirl has just been down in the south, raising her baby, eating jerky and laying low. Well, unfortunately this isn't the greatest update on Jamie Lynn. You see, at around 1:30 this morning Jamie Lynn's baby daddy (I'm trying so hard to slowly retire that phrase, but it's hard), Casey Aldridge, was driving back home from a fishing trip with his friends when he lost control of his F-250 truck and it flipped over. Moonshine was not involved. I think.

Casey reportedly got pretty messed up in the crash and he was immediately airlifted to the Riverland Medical Facility in Ferriday, LA. TMZ says he's stable condition now, but that it could've been pretty fucking bad. Some reports claim Casey suffered a major brain injury and had to undergo surgery, but one of his family members told TMZ that wasn't the case. Casey did suffer a minor skull fracture, but he did not go to surgery. They are keeping an eye on him and will hopefully release him in a few days.

Casey's three friends also got fucked up, but not nearly as bad.

Jamie Lynn is currently with Casey, feeding him Jello, watching Monster Truck rallies with him and making sure he's all better for court shit. After the crash, the cops charged Casey with careless whisper operation of a motor vehicle, a misdemeanor.

Some whores (including this one) think Oprah's hair is made out of the fringe they use to trim Oriental rugs with, so she went on Twitter and her show to proclaim that her shit is totally real.

Oprah showed off this picture of what she says is her natural flowing locks. Why do I think that hair is attached to that early 90s headband? And why do I think Bebe Zahara Benet owns the deed to that mop? And does Oprah's eye get wonky when she's lie-telling? Okay, okay. Oprah's hair is 100% organic deity hair. I will become a believer! Besides if I accuse Oprah of lying, the government will automatically find me guilty of treason. Punishment: wash The Mighty O's REAL hair nightly with a mixture of holy water and Gayle's tears.

VIA TMZ

Bea Arthur really did tango off to heaven yesterday. My soul is still weeping. Mostly because it hit me out of nowhere. And also, Bea was a true talent in every sense of the phrase. The simple fact is that Bea just wanted to entertain and didn't give ten shits about being famous. A born performer who didn't take herself too seriously. There really aren't many like her left.

Yesterday, both Betty White and Rue McClanahan released statements about the passing of their friend.

Betty told ET, "I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know it would hurt this much.. I'm so happy that she received her Lifetime Achievement Award while she was still with us, so she could appreciate that. She was such a big part of my life. I have dearly loved her for a very long time. How lucky I was to know her."

Rue told Radar, "Thirty-seven years ago she showed me how to be very brave in comedy. I'll miss that courage and I'll miss that voice."

I'll miss her voice too. It always lulled me to sleep. I raised a dozen glasses to her last night and I'll raise a dozen more today!

File this under: Why am I even wasting bandwidth on this hot-blooded douchery? Yeah, brilliant question. I'm just doing this crap to get it out of my inbox and into the compost pile where it belongs.

Yesterday afternoon, those of you that live in the Los Angeles area were probably wondering why the air smelled like a dirty tampon lying in a dumpster on a scorching hot August afternoon. The answer is simple: Heidi and Spencer got "married" in Pasadena for like the ten millionth time or something. Surprisingly, the activists that believe marriage should only be between a man and a woman did not picket this wedding! I mean, this was not a wedding between a man and a woman. Shit, it wasn't even a wedding between a human and a human.

I won't make you dry heavey with the details. I'm sure you just want to know if either a) they both turned into a pile of ass dust after kissing in a church, b) a flock of doves pecked their eyes out as they left the church or c) instead of tossing the bouquet, both Heidi and Spencer tossed their reproductive organs into a pit filled with hongray wolves. None of these things happened, because the world is a cruel and ugly place.

If you are really hating yourself this morning and want to see pictures, just google "I should be shot for googling this" and VOILA!

Jo Ann Castle - The Queen of Ragtime Pianists! Jo Ann has been featured on The Lawrence Welk Show (bitch is hardcore) and was one of Liberace's best homegirls, so you know this chick is down. But really, Jo Ann is receiving this title because of her hair. This is the hairstyle most of us should have. Sadly, I am not glamorous enough to pull this off, but I would if I could.

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Tom Welling (32)
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Kevin James (44)
Jet Li (46)
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Debra Wilson (47)
Joan Chen (48)
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