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Small woodland countries and birds already stay away from Mary-Kate Olsen, because she's an evil little troll who has been known to pick at them with her claws and chew on their nails. But now you can add bats to the list of creatures who aren't flying near that bitch, because she has the face of the Prince of Darkness. Seriously, MK is one chewed-off-bat-head away from becoming a tiny Ozzy Osbourne.

Here's Ozzy Olsen riding through the East Village in NYC yesterday with her boyfriend, Duckie from Pretty In Pink (aka Nate Lowman).

I'm originally from Southern California, so In-N-Out is the native food of my people. Whenever I go back, I slip on my scuba gear and dive into the middle of a double double. I don't ever come out. I just smother myself in its deliciousness until my caca even smells like something off of their menu.

Because I consider a serious In-N-Out-aholic, I'm a little ashamed to admit that I've never heard of fries animal-style. It's not on the menu, so you have to ask for it. Now, I've eaten a cheeseburger animal-style, but didn't even know you could get that mess on your fries. I didn't know until a reader we'll call Rachel let me in on the secret today.

Just like the burger, they top the fries with melted cheese, grilled onions and gallons of Thousand Island dressing. After staring at this picture, I don't know whether to bite at my screen or cry into a toilet. It kind of looks like something you'd find in the dumpster outside of an abortion clinic. Like something Vadge would smear her face with. I think I see something moving. That's never stopped me before, so as soon as I land back in my homeland in a few months, I will drive up to an In-N-Out and ask for my fries abortion-style.

Sad Clown Baby's daddy j'e' was about to get his ass on a British Airways flight to London on Sunday when an employee told him to cover up his face all ten million of his arm tattoos or else he wouldn't be able to fly. Joel Madden Twittered about the whole ordeal. Eventually, Joel gave in by covering up, so he could make his flight. British Airways hates tattoo people. Yes, discrimination still exists today. Fight the man!

British Airways tells TMZ that they are flab-flab-flabbergasted about this ridiculousness. They have called for the head of the employee who forced Joel to cover up his art and made him cry in the corner. A rep said, "We don't understand why the employee took it upon himself to enforce regulations that don't exist."

In the employee's defense, he probably recognized Joel Madden as Benji's brother. The same Benji Madden who used to stick his peen into Wonky McValtrex's toxic dump vagina. Unfortunately for Joel, in some countries guilt by association will land you in quarantine. The employee was just thinking of the innocent people on the plane! Or maybe the employee's ex-girlfriend told him she was fucking his brother while a Good Charlotte song was playing and now he has hate in his heart for the band forever. Yeah, probably the latter.

This top celebrity makes a big deal out of talking about motherhood and how much time she spends being a good mom. She would lead you to believe that she dotes on her children and takes an active role in their lives. Not so. When the kid/s were little, she only changed about one out of every hundred diapers. The kid/s are being raised by a small army of nannies. Our star has limited contact with them except during photo opportunities, which are always staged with her carrying the child/ren, even if they are big enough to walk on their own. Why? Because she thinks that carrying a child makes her look motherly and “likable”. (Blind Gossip)

Okay, okay it's not OctoMommy. The day she is considered a "top celebrity" and "star," is the day the entire media needs to shut down and we should all go back to living like the pilgrims did. Anyway, my guess is Vadge?

Which alcoholic songbird wears her sunglasses even inside her hair salon so no one can see how sauced she is? (Gatecrasher)

Susan Boyle or Jessica Simpson?

This dirty older star tells airport security that he has a pacemaker, so he has to be hand screened. The real reason? He enjoys the personal attention from the lady that does the screening. He’s careful to choose the line with the woman he finds most attractive. He must get off on the kinky side of it, because our star could definitely afford to buy it if he wasn’t getting it at home. It’s not Bruce Willis! (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

The bigger question is have you ever seen a hot security bitch at the airport?! And they usually look like they want to rip off your genitals with their eyes. My guess is The Hoff, Alec Baldwin or James Woods?

This B list actress/singer tweener is a little older than the characters she portrays. She is tired of studios, managers, and agents telling her what to do and so as her first order of business with her new self she kicked her "boyfriend" to the curb. Oh, she likes guys, she just didn't want the arranged "boyfriend" any longer. (CDAN)

Vanessa Hudgens? She was tired of sharing her MAC Lip Glass.

This tweener actor on a hit show needs to get off the coke that was introduced to him by a former tween actor, and now, unemployed drug addict on the same network. (CDAN)

I have no clue. Kelly Taylor's baby, Sammy, on 90210?

Birthday: September 19, 1942
Age: 66
Birth Name: Fred Charcelia Payne (she should've gone by Charcelia)

Original Date of HS of the Day: April 23, 2009
Claim to Fame: Freda is most known for singing that "Band of Gold" song. The song that is probably in every single romantic comedy. In addition to her music career, Freda has acted in movies and on Broadway. Freda even had her own talk show in 1981 called "Today's Black Women." She was Oprah before Oprah!

Where is she now? At the bar. Call. She'll be there.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because I never knew Freda was one of us (a drunk) until I saw her tear it up on American Idol last week. I'd do a pussy shot with her anytime, anywhere.

The lady in reeeeeeeeeed - Just Jared

Meg Ryan could make guacamole with that chin - Lainey Gossip

When Cristiano Ronaldo takes his top off, the heavens shine upon him - Towleroad

This is how the swine flu started - Popsugar

Speaking of swine flu... - Hollywood Rag

Fried herp nips - Cityrag

Nicole Scherzinger thinks the second time will stick - Crunk + Disorderly

Diora Baird is hot - Egotastic!

I'll take Katie Price's precious shirt in every color and every size - Hollywood Tuna

SCENE STEALER: Tila Tequila's self-cleaning dog (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Dlisted and Logo have joined forces for the Feel This Bitch Award which will be presented at the NewNowNext Awards. Click here to vote. Kim Zolciak's roadkill wig better put on its party dress, because I have a feeling it's going to take this shit.

You know Suri Cruise spends her days running around a table in her playroom to prepare herself for the moment when she'll finally be able to make a break for it. Can't you picture homegirl stretching and working on her breathing? Well, Suri's going to have to keep working at it, because one of her first escape attempts was thwarted! I guess chasing all that ass down in his Scientology dungeon, has made Tommy Girl pretty fast. Suri, that was just a test run. You'll get it next time.

Here's more of Suri trying to quit that bitch while out for a walk with Tommy and Connor in Beverly Hills.

When Brit Brit's pussy isn't hanging out, it's trying hard not to let a tampon wiggle out of its grasp. And that tampon is one persistent motherfucker, because it looks like it chewed through her hose It doesn't look like it ever got away, but it's going to try harder next time. Brit Brit should have LoJack installed in that bitch.

(Thanks Ben and all for sending this nastiness in)

Just slip a pair of platform flip-flops on HoHan and she'd look exactly like a sun-damaged day-shift hooker trying to trade handjobs for a gram outside of a Super 8 in Gainesville, FL. I mean, what is going on here? What is she doing? Why is just lying on someone's lawn? They need to turn on the sprinklers to wash down her skank. Maybe the cold water will also wake up her narcoleptic tittays, because they are OUT.

Over the weekend, HoHan took a break from her oh-so stressful life to get in a few photo-ops in Maui with The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and some friends. Homegirl needs to take herself to a luau (just don't eat the pig), because her flat back beaver tail ass has a serious case of the hongries! Bitch's ass is trying to devour her bikini bottoms. Give it some pineapple or a macadamia nut or something.

Three wonders of the world, the Brangie holy family, Dunkin' Donuts and Niagara Falls, collided over the weekend and Earth managed to survive!!

While visiting the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, Brad, Maddox, Pax and his parents tried to camouflage their greatness by wearing Maid of the Mist ponchos, but it didn't work. Tourists went crazy. Some threw themselves into the falls, others just dropped dead and one crazy found the nearest zoo and fed herself to the polar bears. Brad and the boys tried to enjoy the falls, but it was kind of hard, because every time they got too close, the water started going up instead of down. The drops wanted to be closer to the deities.

Earlier in the day, Brad and the boys went to Dunkin' Donuts! How long before that Dunkin' Donuts goes on eBay since it's filled with holy oxygen now? Shit, a hardcore Brangaloonie would sell their babies (I'm talking to you, OctoMommy) just to own an Apple Fritter covered in Pitt saliva.