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So it looks like Blohan is off the snatch which means every peen in Hollywood should be crawling up in between its owner's ass cheeks to keep safe. Blohan might be back on the prowl after SamRo quit her crazy ass for good. SamRo really means it this time you guys, because she even changed the locks on her front door and everything!!!! Yeah, this must be SamRo's first time dealing with a lunatic with nothing else better to do than find ways to break in. Changing the locks won't do shit!! Blohan will squeeze her skanky bony ass through the air conditioning ducts if she really wants in.

Obviously, she didn't, because she took her ass to the Chateau Marmont, where I'm pretty sure you can order the bad shit through room service. Blo was photographed there yesterday with The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and White Oprah. Oh, of course White Oprah was there. Blohan had a case of the lezzie sads and nothing makes her feel better like a bowl of her mom's home-cooked Xanax soup. The paparazzi also caught Blo giving me a case of deja vu while riding up to her hotel early this morning.

At this point, some whore just needs to leave a trail of coke from the Chateau Marmont to Casa de Cheeto, so Daddy Spears can sort her the fuck out with his cheese grits. Because if some shit doesn't happen, Blohan is going to go "shave your head" crazy. Although, the bitch kind of needs to shave her head since that weave is looking like something Kim Zolciak's wig queefed out.

If you watch So You Think You Can Dance?, then you know one of the show's choreographers Alex Da Silva. Well, you don't know him THAT well since I'm sure you never thought this motherfucker has rapey hands. Allegedly. The LAPD threw Alex into a jail cell after four of his dance students came forward claiming he had sexually assaulted them between May 2003 and March of this year.

The four women said Alex lured them back to his house in North Hollywood, tricked them into going into his bedroom and then raped them. The LAPD also said they think there's other victims out there.

Alex was arrested on Saturday and is currently marinating his sick ass in a cell on $3.8 million.

You can't trust a bitch with fugly eyebrows who teaches salsa dancing on reality TV. This is so fucking random and gross. I feel like I should burst into one of Mary Murphy's signature screeches of terror.

Source: Associated Press

Normally that horse would throw the monkey off his back, but I think he got contact high from Wino's crackie-laced fumes, so he's rolling with it. Horsey looks so high that he probably thinks he's galloping through Manhattan in Manolos with Mr. Big riding his ass. Go with it, horsey. Go with it. Feel it.

So, Amy Wino is back on the island of St. Lucia! It looks like her crackhive got stopped in customs. It's not happy that it has to sit in quarantine while Wino goes and bongs it up on the island.

And should I be concerned with what's going on in the sixth thumbnail below? Where is Wino taking those children?! Eh. I guess you gotta learn sooner or later, so you might as well learn from the master!

I really don't like jokes! Viggo Mortensen says he might be pulling a Joaquin Phoenix sans the whole dick butter-covered hobo rapper thing. Viggo tells The Times of London (via Page Six) that he is thinking of quitting the bitch known as the movie business. Oh fuckness, let's not do this, Viggo!!!

Viggo said, "No more movies. I haven't said yes to one in over a year. If it all dries up now, I've had a good run."

No. Viggo has not had a good run yet. There is still more acting to do. And by "acting" I mean getting naked. Seriously, I feel like the movie going public has not spent enough quality time with his peen. Think of all the genitals that will be left sad and distraught over this news. Viggo is just talking silly! He just needs to take a Calgon bath, nuzzle up to a bong, take a nap and re-charge his peen. Viggo is not done. There's still more peen-flashing to do!

Shitty news for a Sunday morning. Farrah Fawcett has been in a Los Angeles hospital since last Thursday and is in critical but stable condition. That's what sources tell Radar anyway, so who really knows. Friends say Ryan O'Neal is with her and she's currently unconscious.

Farrah was diagnosed with cancer in 2006. She later said her cancer went into remission. Farrah just got back from Germany where she was undergoing stem-cell treatment.

Last week, I was watching one of those entertainment shows like The Insider and Farrah was on bitching about the paparazzi. She looked good, so hopefully this is just a tiny little setback.

Healing thoughts to Farrah!

Image: Splash

Meredith - One of the spokesbeauties from Thinny Hair Holder! The excellent production values paired with Meredith's impeccable skills really make this shit one of the greatest masterpieces in the history of commercials. Why, I was almost tempted to get one of these Thinny Hair Holders so that I can have sexy elegant full hair in minutes, but it is a recession. So I think I'll just go down to my local grocery story and get some dried noodles instead to stuff into my hair. Meredith will understand. She just wants the entire world to have full sexy hair like a Texas beauty queen after getting tasered! And I think the character of Becky Ann Leeman from Drop Dead Gorgeous was based on Meredith.

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