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The two horny possums are at it again, so says Star Magazine. They claim that Brit Brit and KFed are bumping hog pits all over the place during her tour. I'm sure Brit Brit just can't keep her Cheeto-covered paws off of KFed now that his chichis are bigger than hers. When he jiggles it, her twatty lips clap.

One source said , "It's like they're newlyweds all over again. Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."

Brit Brit and KFed haven't been too careful, because another source said his girlfriend Victoria Prince "caught him with his hand in the cookie jar."

The source must have heard it wrong from Victoria. KFed's hand was literally in a cookie jar filled with Nutter Butters. He thought he would be nice, so he brought Brit Brit a jar of NBs along with an economy-sized bag of pork rinds and some hot sauce. For old times sake.

You know how KFed and Brit Brit are both serious about their eats, so they got all nekkid, because clothes can be distracting when you're trying to get down to business. Then when a little hot sauce fell on KFed's fat titty, Brit Brit licked it off. It's a scientific fact that hot sauce tastes better to hillbillies when mixed with a little underbooby butter. Victoria didn't see any kind of wrong shit! She just saw too old friends bonding over their favorite pastime!

Image: Fame Pictures

Meet 66-year-old Rev. William Blasingame of Staten Island, NY. Rev. Willie faces up to 15 years in the chokey after he broke the 8th Commandment by stealing $85,000 from St. Paul's Memorial Episcopal, the church where he worked.

Rev. Willie used the money on plastic surgery procedures, Botox shots, car insurance, pretty clothes, prescription meds and club memberships. I know it's hard to believe that Rev. Willie's beauty isn't natural. It looks like Jesus himself put his hands on Willie's face. His stunning looks burn my eyes. He has a face only the red light of an underground bath house could love.

Rev. Willie worked at the church for 30 years, but began stealing from the beautification (HA!) fund 4 years ago.

The New York Post says Rev. Willie obviously only used the money to make himself pretty, because his house looks like the inside of Wino's crackhive. One church employee said there was animal shit and liquor bottles everywhere! They had to use 5 dumpsters to empty all the crap in his rectory. And I bet there's a bunch of nasty crap in his rectum too. It had to be said.

Obviously, Rev. Willie doesn't believing in the saying "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." But he does believe in "Plasticness is next to Godliness."

Well, luckily Rev. Willie has that precious face. It will take him very far in prison. And by "very far," I mean face first into a foam mattress.

And is it just me or does Rev. Willie sort of look like Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds? I know. I need to go stick my head in a toilet.

Peaches Geldof was being her usual useless self at Bungalow 8 in London last night when she got into a little tiff with some douche bag over a pair of shoes. Peaches thought his shoes belonged to her friend when they actually belonged to his friend. Shoes: It's what cokey twats fight over.

Some bitch who was there tells The Sun that Peaches and the dude fought for a while, but then went back to their own corners. Peaches thought it was over, but then the dude came over and poured his beer all over her head. SCORE 1 for the dude! Cue Tiffany from Top Model: "Bitch poured beer on my weave!"

The dude then apparently threw the beer glass against the wall and ran for it. Peaches' friend, Fifi (THESE FUCKING NAMES), ran after the dude. For some really stupid reason, the police arrived to question all parties involved. Peaches didn't want to press charges, so the police left 45 minutes later. And that's where tax-paying dollars go!

The dude totally poured booze over Peaches' head, because he was just trying to speed up the fermentation process. It won't be long before Peaches is nothing but a puddle of rancid alcohol on the floor.

And Peaches should really send the beer thrower a thank you note, because he probably killed some maggots that were living in her weave.

That's really the only way to describe Billy Bob Thornton's interview on the CBC this morning with Jian Ghomeshi. Who queefed in his Malt-O-Meal, because Billy Bob was an asshole from the beginning. The dude was there to talk about his stupid trash band and acted like he would rather be getting his ass eaten by Cujo! When Jian asks Billy a clear question, he acts like he doesn't understand the question. That broken down goat needs to clean the douche nuggets out of his ears if he can't hear the question correctly.

Billy's band went on tour with Willie Nelson and he claims he never met the man. Please, Billy, if you don't want to be there, just slither back down the snake hole you came from and spend your days fucking yourself with the vile of Angie Jo's blood that you always keep up your ass crack. When you go to interviews, they will ask you questions. Imagine that!

For the rest of the interview, Billy Bob continues to be a sarcastic and egotistical piece of shit. Who does he think he is? Joaquin Phoenix?!

Billy Bob admits that he's pissed off, because Jian brought up his movie career when the producers were told not to mention it. Jian wins the prize here, because he kept his cool and didn't kick Billy in the mouth hole.

And Tom Petty should take a restraining order out on Billy, because bitch is obsessed with him. Billy Bob totally has Tom Petty posters covering his bathroom walls at home.

Bono isn't wearing sunnies in these pictures, so that totally threw me off. I thought it was Robin Williams trying to dig out a hairball his peen hole coughed up. Naw, it's just Bono probably looking for the Nobel Peace Prize he's been trying to get for all these years.

Here's Bono with his family shaking those titties in St. Barts. And to answer my own question, yes, I'd hit it....with a sheepskin fur rug from Ikea thrown over his body. That would make it easier for me to imagine that he's actually Robin Williams. I totally have a thing for that Furbee.

Dear Peta, Don't you worry! The animals sacrificed themselves so that they could lay on holy skin - Just Jared

Jewel's wonky tittays match her wonky teefs - Hollywood Tuna

Kate Moss actually has her nipples covered. JOKES! Kate would never do that! - Egotastic!

First, Brit Brit's pussy is hanging out and now she wants your cock out. Someone's going to get pregnant! - Lainey Gossip

Kathy Griffin in a two-piece. Don't flinch! She doesn't look bad! - Popsugar

Brooke Hogan or Vadge's roidy-cooch lips must not be available - Hollywood Rag

Gay porn legend Jack Wrangler has passed away - Towleroad

They must have put a roid needle at the edge of that platform to make Sly Stallone leap like that (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

More of pussies in boobs - Cityrag

When I read the title for this video, I immediately figured it would scar me for life. I had the tongue depressor all ready for me to go into a terrifying seizure over this, but that didn't happen. That's because this video isn't that bad! There's no blood, chocha jelly, baby caca or screams that kill the night. It's just a rubber vagina pushing out a plastic baby. It looks kind of fun actually. Hasbro should sell it as a board game. The OctoMommy game!

I kind of want one for my next party. Instead of a plastic baby, I'll make it push out a butter baby! Or a potato salad baby! Or an ambrosia baby! Better yet, I can make vodka with baby-shaped olives pour out of the plastic vagina.

VIA Videogum

Suri Cruise is already forced to spend hours working the famorewhore stroll with her weepy-bot mother, but that shit only consumes a small part of her week. The rest of the week is filled with lessons! French lessons, Spanish lessons, ballet lessons, tap lessons, jazz lessons and modern dance lessons! Lessons, Mr. Moss! That's what The National Enquirer says anyway.

A source said Tommy Girl has spent $1 million on lessons so Suri can be the best. It's his "little troll trying to compensate" syndrome acting up again. The source said, "It doesn't matter what Suri is doing, Tom wants her to be able to do it better than any other child. All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted. She is learning French and Spanish and has a tutor she sees once a week. Suri has shown a real love of dancing, so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible. She practices ballet, tap and modern dance for hours, nearly every day. She also has private gymnastics lessons and is learning soccer. Katie likes to have Victoria and David Beckham's sons around, since they are older. She thinks Suri will emulate what they do and learn even faster."

Damn. When does she have time to drink?! Seriously, I bet Tommy makes Suri takes all her lessons privately so the peon children won't taint her!

$1 million is also the amount of money Suri is going to need to pay for all the therapy and anti-depressants she will need in about 10 years. Oh, did I say anti-depressants? I didn't mean that. I'm just being glib.

VIA Showbiz Spy

No Doubt is better than this and that's why their cover of Adam and the Ants' "Stand and Deliver" has kicked me in the soul as well as in the ear drums. I'm one of the lone hos who actually liked their cover of "It's My Life," but this is butchery in the first degree. Gwen Stefani just wasn't meant to sing some things and this is one of them.

VIA ONTD

Last night's American Idol confirmed to me that Kara DioPLEASEFALLINAHOLE is fucking with this shit! The dumb bitch's lock jaw is making it hard for her to get the words out fast enough thus making the show go over! Unlock that shit or hook your jaw up to the back of a truck and go home. Because the show went over, my raggedy Tivo didn't record all of Adam Lambert's performance. Kara is to blame. Or maybe the Idol producers pulled this trick out of their assholes to get us to watch the show live. Even if they gave me the phone number to Paula's back alley pharmacist, I still won't watch this fuckery live. Thank Cheesus for the internets, because I was able to see the performance everyone and their sperm donor was queefing glitter bombs over. So let's dissect after the jump. JUMP!!!