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Just when I thought Tommy Girl got permanently stuck in a manhole, he emerged last night to see a movie with his weepy little Stepford Katie. They went to the premiere of Star Trek which is based on their home movies, so it was very special to the two of them. It was so emotional that Stepford Katie was left stunned. Or maybe she was concentrating and trying to beam herself the fuck out of there!

Seriously, that face needs a DRANK. It also needs some crack, an 8-ball, a couple hundred bong hits and a one-way bus ticket back to Toledo. On a positive node, I do like her "ode to Blanche Devereaux" ensemble. I bet Tommy has a matching one in ruby.

I'm sure that title alone made your ears curl up into your head where they are shaking and waiting for the coast to clear. It's really as awful as it sounds. This kills SOULS. This kills BONERS. This kills EVERYTHING.

At a Chicago Cubs game today, some hateful bitch gave Denise Richards a microphone so she could screech "Take Me Out To The Ballgame." The grass died, hundreds of birds committed mass suicide, clouds exploded, children turned into dust and Denise kept on going.

If two cats in heat every wake you up in the middle of the night, just play this for them and it will instantly turn each of them into THIS.

(Thanks Cara)

That Josi! The clumsy bitch is at it again. Earlier, I posted a little clip of Josi from Brazil's Big Brother dropping faster than Tommy Girl at a glory hole during a fashion show. Well, I guess the audience loved it, because Josi gave them an encore performance. Josi came back out and started to dance. At least I think that's what she's trying to do. Those kind of moves won't even get you quarters in your g. After a few seconds, Josi falls yet again. I think her body is trying to tell her that she really belongs on her knees. My body does that all the time automatically. Listen to your body!

Josie, honey, standing on two legs it not for you. Invest in a Hoveround.

Skip to the 4:00 mark below to see the second coming of Josi's downfall:

Source (Thanks Marcos & Debora)

Eva Longwhoria needs to go lie down, because obviously she's suffering from delusion of the brains and needs rest. There's a comfy hole in the ground somewhere with her name on it. But seriously, we have an epidemic on our hands, people! First it was JLove and now it's this trick! These raggedy ass tramps need to drink a hot cup of BITCH, PLEASE, because they do not have what it takes to fill Audrey Hepburn's tiara. Only one ho on this planet does and that ho is international supermodel and fashion chameleon Phoebe Price (what have I done?!).

Eva Longwhoria defamed Audrey's good image by dressing as her for People en Espanol's Most Beautiful People issue. This bitch is more like Audrey Heartburn. Hmm. That didn't work. Audrey Hefferburn? I have to work on that one.

In the meantime, go on over to Ohlala to see other Latin celebrities dressed as classic movie characters including Ricky Martin who looks like he wants to lick an ass.

(Thanks Dr. J)

This actress is the whole package, and is rocking the kind of body that defies the need for a body double. However, during her last hair-removal action, she may have gotten a little carried away. Every last vestige of hair was removed from every inch of her privates. With no supportive foliage, every form fitting outfit she was wearing for her movie turned into an instant camel toe. The wardrobe people had to scramble to create a prosthesis and supportive undergarments to smooth out the attention-getting lines. (Blind Gossip)

Obviously, this is not CoCo, but you can't mention "camel toe" without posting a picture of most famous asset. So, one of my guesses is Sienna Miller, because she had to wear tight shit in G.I. Joe. But I don't know if you'd say she has a "rocking" body? My other guess is Megan Fox? And the wardrobe people must be the creators of the Cuchini.

Which closeted TV icon should be more careful about whom he dates? He has been squiring an infamous gay bartender around town, and everyone’s noticing. (Gatecrasher)

Mah...Mah...Mah...Mah..Bo... Naw. I'll guess Andy Rooney?

This actor is C list. He probably used to be B list. Not a very recognizable name, but you would definitely know the face. He has done a mixture of both television and movies. Every few years he gets a really great lead in a movie or television show, but nothing long lasting. He got his big break and the lead in his first movie because he blackmailed the producer of the movie, who was also an actor in the same movie and has a good guy reputation. The blackmail in question consisted of some photos our actor had taken at the party of the good guy producer/actor snorting coke. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but this producer/actor's entire career is based around his good guy reputation. (CDAN)

Call me stumped. I don't know. The "good guy" dude could be George Clooney, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, etc..etc...

This Media Personality is doing everything she can to stay relevant. She is keeping up with the latest social networking sites. She has even befriended her enemies, but it’s still not working. No one is interested in her. (Downfront 2 VIA Blind Gossip)

I'm guessing this is none-other-than the blogger, Twitterer, Facebooker and lawyer known as Star Jones?

Hours of fun for the whole family - Pick the Perp (via Buzzfeed)

Zac Efron's bronzer stick holder in a bikini on Self Magazine - Egotastic!

Amy Wino is still keeping it sexy in St. Lucia even though her skin is falling off - Just Jared

Let's all congratulate Demi Moore for officially becoming a member of the Frozen Face Club - Lainey Gossip

A-Roidy out, Bitch Tits in - Holy Moly!

There's a wide ass river of caca running down the middle of Fuggie Fug's head - Hollywood Tuna

Patti Stanger thinks all gay dudes are big sluts who get on all fours for any dick. Stop looking at me that way! - Towleroad

Being hot: Claudia Schiffer is doing it right - Hollywood Rag

John Legend should do this more often - Popsugar

Nas probably left Kelis for this hot piece (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Drummer Cat vs. Fan Kitten - Cityrag

The band members of No Doubt took a quick break from their jobs as orderlies at a local mental hospital to reunite with Gwen Stefani and perform on Today this morning. Seriously, why do they have to look like they serve tapioca pudding all day while Gwen gets to wear an outfit taken from my childhood closet (I was behind the times).

Actually, scratch that. My pants didn't look that good, but I tried! My mom wouldn't let me bleach my jeans, so I had to make do with some black pants I got on sale at May Company. I twisted them into a ball and let them sit in a bucket of bleach for a few minutes. When I pulled them out and dried them off, they looked like a rust-covered rag found in a junk yard. That didn't bother me, I still wore 'em like they cost something. Oh, the days where you just didn't give a fuck.

Anyway, back to No Doubt. So, in case you haven't heard, they are back (along with Gwen's anime donut hair). They performed a few songs on Today this morning. Click here to watch if you care.

I kind of got the feeling that Gwen was only doing this so the other band members would stop burning her voicemail up with whines about how they have mortgages to pay and shit. That being said, it still made me happy. OLD, but happy.

Josi, a contestant on Big Brother in Brazil, was walking in a fashion show held in a nightclub/auto-parts store when she kissed the catwalk with the back of her head.

Homegirl was walking around, thinking she looked cute, waving at everyone and BOOM! 0 to 90 degrees in seconds. Just like an ironing board!

And if you've ever wanted to know how many dudes it takes to get a Daisy Fuentes look-alike off the ground, you'll get your answer.

VIA World Star Hip Hop

While a video montage of Mimi and Nick Cannon's year together played, the Hello Kitty princess herself shed a crystal tear that dripped down to the floor and sprouted a bright rainbow of butterflies that fluttered around her. Mimi should really bottle her magical tears. It would trump water as the #1 used liquid in Japan. Trust this.

Maybe Mimi was crying because she waltzed out of her cotton candy-haze for a quick minute and realized she's been married to the dude from Love Don't Cost a Thing for a full year! Yes, an entire 365 days! Here I was thinking they would only last until the champagne buzz wore off. Shame. On. Me. I will pucker up to a lamb (not like that) in their honor today.

Here's Mimi showing off her Deery-Lous with her overgrown man child husband at their anniversary party at Las Vegas' Moon nightclub last night.

While going through pictures from last night's Broadway premiere of 9 to 5 the musical, my mouse stopped, quickly led my hand to this stunning picture and clicked "save to desktop." That was some Ouija board shit! The spirits were leading me to the promise land and that's exactly what Elizabeth Wilson's eyebrows are. Elizabeth was Roz in the 9 to 5 movie and my soul is full today knowing that she grew up to the be the owner of a pair of truly delicious eyebrows. I just want to put on my eatin' dress and gobble them up. I probably could, because they look like crème brulée. Deeelicious!

And you too can have scrumptious eyebrows like Elizabeth's. Just sprinkle some sugar on top of your brows and take a cooking torch to those suckers. Instant glamour! Summer is all about having caramelized brows. It can take you from day to night!

While Elizabeth's brows were the crown jewel at last night's premiere, the rest of the audience also brought the glamour. If you were in the tri-state area last night, you might have felt an extra pinch in the air. The reason for that is simple: three stars aligned. Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton and Lily Tomlin all came back together! That's where they belong!

Here's some pictures from last night of Dolly, Jane, Lily, Swoosie Kurtz, Frank Gifford, Drunky Lee, MAURY and Connie Chung. Oh and I think the last picture might be Nina Flowers, but don't quote me on that!