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The crack rock of my eye, Shane MacGowan of The Pogues, used to have the mouth of a day-shift truck stop methwhore who is famous for giving handjobs with her mouth (copyright: Hipster Grifter). Well, gone are the days of eating nothing but mushy Crack-O-Meal, because Shane got new teefs! The Sun says Shane stumbled on over to Spain so that a dentist could fill with mouth with shiny grey Chiclets! Shane said he only had the surgery, because his face was "falling apart."

Aw. Don't you kind of miss the old Shane? His mouth looked like the inside of a bag of melted Gummi Bears and there was something endearing about that. Although, it probably won't be long before Shane's got his beautiful old mouth back after he finds a dealer who will trade a baggie of the bad shit for a toof!

What is the most disgusting place in the world at 11pm? No, it's not Tommy Girl's Scientolohole. According to Mah Boo, it's London!

Last night on his show, Mah Boo and Erica talked about how some pubs in London will start handing out lollipops to drunktards as they leave for the night. Pub owners hope that sticking a lollipop in their booze holes will stop them from being all loud and up-chucking on the streets. Mah Boo doesn't think this is going to do shit to stop them from going pee pee out in the open. He thinks they should stick a gobstopper in their barf caves instead. You know he wanted to say "stick a dick" in their mouths! Which based on my experience, has made things worse. I've been known to do barf times on a peen or two. And I wonder why tricks never call me back?!

How would Mah Boo know that London is disgusting at 11pm? I would think he would be inside somewhere sampling the local Spotted Dick.

And a whore who barfs in the presence of Mah Presh Boo has earned a special place next to me on the tugboat to HELL!!!! Illegal!

Even exquisite lucite heels need a day off from spreading glamour to the world. The Empress of Lucite glided through the streets of Los Angeles yesterday without her best friends at her feet. The always-elegant Shauna Sand is still killing hos with her high levels of beauty and sophistication even without her lucite heels! Shortly after the picture above was taken, the car behind her turned into a pile of dust! Hos better grab on to her luscious hair as she takes them to the heavens!

As much as I am happy to see Shauna without that lucite-hating husband, who is this foolio with her? The dude looks like his first love is a flattening iron and his second love is a schweaty b-hole. Where does lucite fall on that list? This is the question.

Here's The Empress and her lube-haired lovah bringing carrot juice to hongray orphans in L.A. yesterday.

Jennifer Aniston is kind of insane. And she's really "polar bear diving crazy" when it comes to her hair. A couple of months ago, there was a rumor that Jenny made FOX pay almost $80,000 to fly her hairslave, Chris McMillan, to Europe where she was promoting that dead dog movie. Well, when it came time to shoot Management, Maddox's greatest rival wanted to go for a homelier look (all together now...HA!), but didn't want to touch her precious locks. So Jenny got Chris to customize a wig. The total price came to (read this in a Kanye CAPS-LOCK scream) $10,000!!!11!!1!!!!!!!!!! For fucking real! Someone got tricked! The kitchen ass wig laying at the bottom of my closet from ten Halloweens ago (I was Mimi from the Heartbreaker video. DON'T ASK) looks better than that!

The hairstylist on the film told People, “She wanted to look very different, but didn’t want to cut or dye her hair. The color was very complimentary on her. She’s got wonderful warm skin. With that blond hair, she’s very known as Jennifer Aniston and I think sometimes that takes away from watching the story."

Yeah, um, that bitch still looks like Rachel from Friends. Even if they put a $10,000 wig on her chin, she'd still look like Jennifer Aniston. WIG FAIL.

Masanobu Sato - The 2009 Masturbate-A-Thon Champion! Masanobu won the title after he, for lack of a better phrase "jacked the dick" for 9 hours and 58 minutes. Don't ask me how his noodle didn't go raw and fall to the floor. And I'm serious, his peen probably looks like an over-boiled noodle left out in the sun for weeks. Traumatized dick alert! Masanobu is going to wake up one morning that dick is going to be halfway across the world.

Masanobu used some shit called the Tegna (aka vagina in a cup aka Paris Hilton) to win the title. Read all about his wankery at SF Weekly. They also have a slideshow!

Janet Jackson (43)
Megan Fox (23)
Jim Sturgess (28)
Melanie Lynskey (32)
Tori Spelling (36)
David Boreanaz (40)
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Tucker Carlson (40)
Mare Winningham (50)
Debra Winger (54)
Pierce Brosnan (56)
Christian Lacroix (58)
Judith "Judy" Finnigan (62)