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Kevin Bacon has seen better days! First, Madoff stole a bunch of cash monies from Kevin. Then, he found out his Footlose role is going to that frosted twink Chace Crawford. And now the dude was straight-up robbed in a subway station!

The New York Post says that on Thursday morning, Kevin was down in the Seventh Avenue subway stop performing his big number from Footloose for extra dollars from commuters when some evil doer stole his Blackberry! Okay, he wasn't dancing for coins, he was just leaving the station when a thief grabbed the Blackberry right out of his purdy paws! Kevin didn't give it up that easy and chased the berrynapper through the station, but lost him.

How ever did the Bacon lose him? He must have not leaped and spun through the station while throwing jazz hands around, right? He would've caught the asshole if he used jazz hands!

Kevin apparently called the police.

Seriously, did Kevin drop a mirror under a ladder while crossing a black cat? What the fuck shit next? At least he'll always have the last name of the most delicious thing that exists in this world. He'll always have that.

A million cheers to the captain of the yacht who threw Parasite Hilton and her latest victim off the boat for endangering passengers with their public displays of infection. He is a fucking hero to us all!

The Mirror says that Elton John's fupa fluffer, David Furnish, invited Wonky and Doug Reinhardt to a party on a friend's yacht in Cannes the other night. Almost immediately after they got on the boat, Wonky and Doug started doing disgustingly gross shit that made stomachs die.

One source who lived to tell the tale said, "As soon as Paris arrived she had her tongue down Doug's throat. Everyone kept saying how inappropriate they were being but Paris didn't care who was looking. They got so worked up she dragged Doug below deck so they could have some private time. But as they were closing the cubicle door so they could tear into each other, they were caught out. David spotted them and the captain was furious. He kicked them off for unsociable behaviour. Everyone congratulated the captain."

I'm guessing Wonky's presence on the boat was a bigger problem than the witness is making it out to be. Wonky's crotch crustaceans probably ate most of the food. And the food they didn't eat, went rotten once Wonky brought her tongue out. Every drop of alcohol evaporated when Wonky opened the gates to HELL. Not to mention the poor sea creatures living in the waters below. They probably committed mass suicide once they spotted Wonky. They knew that if something should happen and Wonky fell in the water, they would die a slow and painful death from being directly exposed to her lethal snatch sludge. It's better to be safe than really, really, really sorry.

Clare Werbeloff is the ho in Australia who became an overnight internet celebskank after a video her giving a witness account to a local shooting traveled around the world wide webz. In the clip, Clare dropped the word "wog" (which is a racial slur) so casually like it was part of her every day vocabulary. A quick minute after the video took off, a Facebook group devoted to Clare was born and some bitch started selling t-shirts were her sayings on them. Clare also had to get a publicist to deal with all the attention coming her way.

Well.....you can erase the bitch's file from your brain's hard drive, because that trick BAMBOOZLED the world! Clare didn't witness the shooting in Sydney and she was spinning lies when she talked to the local news. The Police hos tell the Daily Telegraph that dumb fuck Clare admitted to lying.

The public is not amused by Clare's joke. They didn't appreciate her slapping them with her giant hoax dick. They have now turned on Clare! Clare's older sister said that she's afraid gang members are going to whoop her ass! HA!

So it looks like Clare's big dream of becoming the next Delta Goodrem is officially died. Bitch will be lucky if she gets a gig co-hosting Tuesday nights with Corey Worthington at a bar on the outskirts of town where she'll have to serve vodka and Vegemite shots off of her stomach.

Do you remember Corey Worthington? Exactly. Google the bitch's name the word "irrelevant" pops up.

Source (Thanks Tanya)

Jean-Claude Van Damme proves that you can be an ole' skeezer with a face like a sun-dried tomato and still get the tranny with the biggest low hangers at the club. Git it, JC! Slap them nuts. Jean-Claude also proved that he doesn't need to dance at all, because his wang of wonder has all the moves. He's just standing there as it churns the dick butter.

Here's Jean-Claude dancing with a bunch of sexy fine pre-ops at a party for the never-ending Cannes film festival. Wait. Was this party held in front of a hospital curtain in the emergency room, because that would make so much sense. SO MUCH.

Kate Gosslein's Hair - Last night, I had a dream about the tortured and electrocuted beaver on Kate Gosselin's head, so making it Hot Slut was the only thing I needed to do today. This was a long time coming and it had to happen. In honor of this momentous occasion, visit Buzzfeed to see their top 15 celebwhores with Kate's signature Tool Academy-approved coif!

Priscilla Presley (64)
Mark Ballas (23)
Will Sasso (34)
Heavy D (42)
John C. Reilly (44)
Kristin Scott Thomas (49)
Roseanne Cash (54)
Alfred Molina (56)
Jim Broadbent (60)
Patti Labelle (65)
Bob Dylan (68)
Tommy Chong (71)