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Kiefer Sutherland skipped down to the 1st Precinct in Manhattan today to shoot the shit, have a cup of coffee with the cops, tell a few jokes and then get charged for headbutting a ho. In case you have no idea what I'm babbling about, let me give it to you quick. A few nights ago, Kief brought his head down on Jack McCullough's nose at a bar in NYC. Apparently, Kief thought Jack bumped into Brooke Shields, so he was defending her honor or some shit. Brooke denies that Jack harmed her.

E! says that Kief was charged with one count of misdemeanor assault and will have to come back to NYC in about a month to face a judge. If he's found guilty, Kief could get up to a year in the chokey and a $1,000 fine.

Kief is currently on probation over in Los Angeles and the LAPD said they are investigating as to whether or not he effed that shit up. If he did, he could get 10 months in the clink on top of the 7 weeks he already served for violating his probation.

Kief should really use the Christmas tree defense. It will work! The judge will understand, because every knows Christmas trees are evil. Everyone also knows that Kief is batshit crazy. But if everything doesn't go Kief's way, the bitch will be making grilled cheese on a prison radiator for a while.

In the meantime, if Kief wants to rock the booze bottle until the break of dawn, he should probably stay home and do that shit. It will be better for everyone. Boozin' out in public doesn't really agree with him.

Daisy de la Whora, star of Vh1's Rock of Love 2 and Daisy of Love, reportedly went a little overboard with an unknown substance. TMZ says that paramedics were called to a house in the Hollywood Hills last night for a "possible overdose."

When they arrived to help that trick out, Ducky Face apparently started acting the fool by screaming and thrashing around. Several medics had to band together to get her crazy and possibly drugged-out ass into an ambulance. Daisy isn't going to be back in party mode by this weekend, because her agent postponed all her scheduled appearances.

I think Daisy also might have overdosed a couple of days ago when she said this about Ambre winning Rock of Love 2 over her, "I don't think I can compare Ambre to Angelina Jolie, so no. I would be the Angelina Jolie, and she would be Jennifer Aniston!" Yes, the bad shit was definitely involved in the making of that comment.

Daisy is a piping hot plastic wreck. Do we need to send Heather to beat some sense into Daisy? Because Heather will put on her fightin' headscarf and do it all over again. Classic clip below:

On Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel last night, Amanda, the resident dumb hag, revealed her method for making sure her son doesn't "become gay when he gets older."

You know.... like..... um..... like..... Amanda.... like...... um...... like..... no offense... but like.....um... your son....like....um... is going to grow up to...um...like.... FUCKING HATE YOU. Like.

Chyler Leigh, who plays Dr. Lexie on Grey's Anatomy, popped out a baby girl today. Chyler and her husband, Nathan West, named the poor child Anniston Kae. This is the closest Jennifer Aniston will ever get to having a baby friend of her very own, right? Jen should send Chyler a fruit basket as a thank you.

A few months ago, Chyler said she was planning to name her baby Aniston, but I thought the trick was just telling jokes. Back then, Chyler said, “It was just something…my husband and I were trying to look for different names and both of our kids have a traditional and a unique name, so we were kind of just looking for something not as common."

Chyler and Nathan's other kids are named Noah Wilde and Taelyn Leigh.

Noah Wilde sounds dangerously close to Noah Wylie. It sounds like Chyler and Nathan like naming their kids after NBC stars. They are totally going to name their next kid Cox after Courtney Cox. Shit, that would've been better than Anniston Kae!

Source: People

Jennifer Aniston's ovaries are still hongray for baby batter (sorry, I hate that term too), so she went out to get herself some! The Susan Boyle of the Americas hit up a party for her movie Management at Table 8 in NYC on Tuesday night. Jennifer put her nose to work to try to sniff out the dude with the highest sperm count (she took a class at the Learning Annex to learn that skill) and it led her to Bradley Cooper.

Bradley and Jenny were both in He's Just Not That Into You. I don't know if they had any scenes together, though. I didn't see that wet piece of crap. Anyway, Page Six says that at the party, Jen was getting on Bradley like she was ready to conceive right then and there! A witness said, "Bradley and Jennifer were definitely into each other. She kept touching his chest and whispering in his ear."

Bradley and Jennifer left the party 10 minutes apart.

Yes, his name is Bradley, but doesn't mean ANYTHING. Yes, Jen probably made him say "Angelina Jolie is a fugly fat cunt with caca brains and a rotten coochie" before she let him touch her breasts, but that has nothing to do with anything. She likes Bradley for Bradley and not because his name is Bradley. It's also a good thing she might be hooking up with a Brad, because then she won't have to make that many changes to her "JEN & BRAD 4EVAHs" shrine. Less work!

Escandalo! Santo Dios! This is the magazine cover of my wildest dreams! The magazine is TVNotas and this week's cover story is about a popular Catholic priest in Miami who is the co-star of a sex scandal. A sex scandal involving a woman. A woman with a real vagina. A woman with a real vagina who is over the age of 18. Yeah, some scandal. Cue my abuelita screaming SANTO DIOS because he wasn't caught with an alter boy.

TVNotas published several pictures of sexy Father Alberto Cutié rolling around on Miami Beach with a lady back in February. Father Cutie (Amen to that!) is also known as "Father Oprah," (no relation to White Oprah) because he writes a syndicated advice column and has hosted several talk shows. Shortly after the church found out about the pictures, they put his ass on leave.

A spokeswhore for the Archdiocese released this statement: "This is a difficult day for everyone in the Archdiocese of Miami. We pray for Father Alberto. The vow of celibacy really means there is a commitment outside the vow that stresses the focus on the holy order. The vow of celibacy is there for a reason. He's on a prayerful journey. He's still a priest, but he is on leave."

Forgive me father, but celibacy sucks. Genitals are there for a reason. They're meant to be played with. True fact.

Besides, I doubt Father Cutie was doing any sexy shit. He was merely blessing the woman and trying to get the evil out of her. He was slapping her with his crucifix and cleansing her with his holy water. Father Cutie was doing his job!

SANTO DIOS!!!

Source: AOL (Thanks Justin)

This famous film actor almost always flies on his private jet, but there was an occasion recently where he needed to take a public flight. While he was not forced to stand in the security line with the unwashed masses, he did have to go through a special security check with a few other celebrities.

Our actor reluctantly removed his shoes and put them in a plastic bin. The security guard ran his shoes through the x-ray machine, hesitated, and then called over another guard. The two guards then proceeded to inspect the shoes up close for what seemed like an endless period of time. One guard handed back the shoes with an apology. “Sorry that took so long. I’ve just never seen ones that big before.” Our actor turned red, put on his shoes and proceeded to the plane. The next celeb on line asked the guard what size the shoes were. The guard replied “Oh, it wasn’t the size of the shoes. I’ve just never seen lifts that big before.” (Blind Gossip)

Don't play. There's only one dude in Hollywood who loves to take it higher with his sexay sexay shoes. If Tommy wears shoes like that in public, you know he wears stilettos in the bedroom.

Which funnyman’s career might be flagging due to his dependence on downers? After a disastrous comedy set in NYC, he admitted he’s hooked on Vicodin. Deadly serious. (Star VIA Blind Gossip)

Eddie Murphy? And the "disastrous comedy" was Meet Dave? The only way to get off Vicodin is to start smoking crack. It'll bring ya back up!

Which film director could give Robert Pattinson a run for his money in the odor department? The big-time movie man smelled so bad during a recent shoot that even his actors couldn't stand to be around him! (Gatecrasher)

Kevin Smith? Peter Jackson? Francis Ford Coppola? Take your pick.

"This C list actress/writer/producer on a very hit television comedy had noticed all of these photos of a missing cat on telephone poles and in windows. She didn't really think much about it, but a day or two after she first saw the pictures, she met a little girl who was standing with her mom on the corner and they were putting up more pictures. So, our actress to be kind asked about the cat, and found it that it had been the girl's cat and that she had literally had it from almost the day she was born and she was now 8. The mother and daughter recognized our actress and they took some photos with a cell phone camera and our actress signed an autograph on one of the cat posters. The cat had managed to get outside when the front door had been left open by the cable guy.

Anyway, about a week goes by and our actress called the family to see if they had found the cat and they had not and had given up hope. The next day, our actress stopped by their house along with two other members of the show and dropped off a brand new kitten to the little girl."(CDAN)

But what if the lost kitty came back? Then they'd have double the kitty caca to pick up. I'd be pissed. My guess is Jenna Fischer or Minday Kaling from The Office?

Since Susan Boyle is basically the ruler of the planet now, it's no surprise that she won Hot Slut of the Month by a landslide. Other hos tried to catch up, but nobody can hold a candle to her beauty or talent. Homegirl was so excited about this that she forgot to zip up her fly! Bust out, Susan. Bust out!

Thanks to all who voted!

Image: Fame Pictures

What's the number to 911! RiRi totally stole Dr. 90210's signature 'do - Hollywood Tuna

More of Megan Fox rolling around in her chonies in Esquire - Egotastic!

Footballer Nicklas Bendtner was caught with his pants down. In the literal sense. - Towleroad

Um. Can we discuss this over a vaporizer and a plate of Fritos nachos? - Hollywood Rag

Patty Heart's daughter has her titty balls out in GQ Italy (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Next up, Hugh Jackman is going to promote Wolverine in fucking Antarctica - Lainey Gossip

Kelis' eff tape from the past might be the reason why her marriage failed - Scandalist

HoHan and SamRo reunite for the 1,234,576th time this week - Just Jared

Filly Bundchen and her big ass wedding ring - Popsugar

Vintage Megan Fox. You know she was the school skank! My hero. - Cityrag

If you haven't already, vote on Dlisted and Logo's "Feel This Bitch Award" - Logo