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I've always liked this Megan Fox trick, because she is a proud card carrying member of The Slut Club. But Megan should probably not do that thing called thinking, because that's how quotes like the one she gave Elle Magazine are born. In the with Elle, Megan kind of dumped on ScarJo for trying to be all smart and shit.

Megan said, “I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve every learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault. I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on.”

And then Megan toppled over, because she had a brain aneurysm from trying to process so many thoughts at once.

Seriously, learning SAT words? Megan, kitten, don't hurt yourself now. If you try to think anymore, your purdy little head might combust and then there will be cobwebs everywhere. You don't want that. We know you're the Albert Einstein of whores, so just take it easy.

One more thing, I know you think that green smegma oozing out of your pores is "sexual confidence," but it's actually dumbassness. That's also what happens when you think. Don't do that!

VIA SS

Mel Gibson and his wifey were separated for a couple of years before she dropped divorced papers into his lap, right? Why would she suddenly want to legally quit his ass after two years of being broken up? The National Enquirer (via Showbiz Spy) says that the reason might have been because Mel's new whore is carrying his latest spawn. File this under: The Passion of the NOOOOO!!!

A source said that Oksana Grigorieva is about three months pregnant. Late last month, Mel gathered his whole family around and let them all know the horrific news. Mel's oldest sons, Edward and Christian, immediately hired lawyers to make sure their trust funds are safe. The source went on to say, “They are quite upset. Even though Mel assured them the pregnancy was unplanned, they’re furious with him and say they’re going to take steps to protect their inheritance, which they feel is in jeopardy.”

Cue my Catholic abuelita screaming SANTO DIOS again! A married Catholic knocking up his married whore who has the face of an OctoCrazy? Typical shit.

If this is true, I have to hand it to OctoSana. Bitch knows how to get that money in record time. She saw, he came, she conquered, I barfed.

RiRi will not be outdone by that low-budget trick Cassie! It was "Cassie's got her pierced tittays out" week, but now it's "RiRi's got her pierced alien balls out" week. Maybe. Some pictures claiming to be a totally nekkid RiRi have hit the interwebs. I don't know if they are fake or not, but what I want to know is why do these hos keep taking pictures of themselves with camera phones? Can't they do this shit with a real camera? Go pro or go home is what I say.

(NSFW) Click here to see RiRi in all her alien glory.

First of all, that is Paula Abdul with her mother. Her mother is absolutely stunningly gorgeous, right? The Grey Gardens teefs, the eyebrows that are reaching for Jesus and the face that only Dixie Carter's plastic surgeon could love...... Totally beautiful! I see where Paula gets her crazy. Speaking of...

A few days ago, an interview Paula gave to Ladies Home Journal started making the rounds, because she told them that she was addicted to painkillers for a few years and even had to go into rehab for it. They quoted Paula and now she's saying they made everything up! Paula issued this statement to E!:

"I want to make it perfectly clear to everyone that I have never been addicted to or abused drugs in my life. I have never been drunk. I have never entered a rehab or detox treatment center.

I spent time hiking, bicycling, doing yoga and enjoying the spa. As anyone who has visited the La Costa Resort knows, it is a luxury hotel, not a rehab facility."

She was soaring through a cloud of Vicodin dust during that interview. That's why she doesn't remember.

Paula also needs to quit that "I've never been drunk" noise. Why is it so awful being called a pill-popping drunk?! Some of the history's greatest people were junkies who were a slave to the bottle. Paula shouldn't be ashamed. She should just pop a doll and let them embrace her. Because if she hasn't been drunk or addicted to the good shit, then she's basically saying that she's 100% naturally IN-FUCKING-SANE. Oh, wait. Maybe she is telling the truth after all. Carry on!

Image: Wireimage

This is one of the more bizarre things I have ever heard. This male reality star is on an A list reality show. A recurring reality show with the same cast, not some random dude on Survivor. Anyway, this star carries a bag with him wherever he goes. That is not unusual. What is unusual is that he always keeps $50,000 in the bag with him at all times. Never more and never less. He doesn't keep it a big secret. He just always says it is if he ever needs to get away quickly he has the means. The question is why would he need to get away quickly. People have asked him. He always says, "you never know." What the hell does that mean? (CDAN)

Kim Zolciak's battered wig? That's why bitch is always broke, because her wig is taking all her cash. My other guesses are Spencer from The Hills or Slade Slimey from The Really Plastic Housewives from Orange County, but do either of them have that kind of coin laying around?

Which Network TV Reality Star told our source that he is considering ‘coming out’ in order to boost his image and score some pricey interviews? If you’ve guessed that he isn’t gay, you’d be right. He thinks at the very least being bisexual would cause a stir. He also told this source that his agent wasn’t comfortable with the idea and the star is thinking about going against the agent’s advice and possibly getting a new agent. (And if the Agent to this star is reading this, they needn’t worry. We think it was all talk, and you’ve done great things for his career.) Watch for speculation about his sexuality in the future. It will happen, but it will be manufactured. Not Gordon Ramsey. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

Simon Cowell doesn't need the money. Gaycrest is too obvi. I'll guess Ty Pennington or Jeff Probst?

It keeps rearing (or rear-ending) its head every so often, but the rumors about this HUGE movie star just won’t go away. Previously partial to a blond male model from Croatia, his new plaything is a very hot, black car mechanic. (Holy Moly via Blindsmack)

Tommy Cruise is a no-thought answer, so I'll guess Vin Vin Vin Dieeeesel?

Perfection: England's finest rose looking like a whorror show version of Velma from Scooby Doo - Hollywood Tuna

Gisele Bundchen's strapped down chichis in Numero Tokyo - Egotastic!

Fag hag DanRad loves drag queens - Towleroad

Alien Princess RiRi wearing some Captain Eo shit - Just Jared

Eric Dane is a tease - Popbytes

I'm surprised Vadge wants Baby Jesus to talk at all - Hollywood Rag

Blair Waldorf shouldn't quit her day job anytime soon - Lainey Gossip

POOP: Fishsticks Paltrow is not entirely organic - Cityrag

Butthisface: The Kellan Lutz edition - Popsugar

Hilary Duff's wonky chipmunk cleavage (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

How special are these pictures of Lorenzo Lamas from a photo shoot a couple of days ago? And no, I don't know if these are for a JcPenney or Spiegel catalog, but Lorenzo's precious face and Barbizon moves fit right into either of those. I just want to print out the top picture, sprinkle glitter on it and then slide it into a lucite picture frame next to my head. That way I can gaze at it while I drift into a lucite dreamland.....

Let me just start by saying that I like Keanu Reeves' filthy ass. I'm sure his dick butter tastes like some gourmet shit, but I cannot condone his acting skills. I've seen more raw emotion resonating off of a used condom lying on the sidewalk. That is why I do not understand why someone actually thought it's a good idea to cast him as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in a new movie. The stoner barely has one personality, let alone two!

The Hollywood Reporter says Keanu will star in a modern version of the novel The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde called Jekyll. They also said plot details are being kept under wraps. SPOILER ALERT! Keanu plays a dehydrated piece of broccoli who turns into a....dehydrated piece of broccoli. There's an OSCAH coming his way....

The producers of this soon-to-be wreck should put their coins into a much more highly-anticipated Dr. Jekyll project instead. I'm talking about a sequel to the epic masterpiece that is Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde! The world wants a Sean Young comeback!

Kate Gosselin dragged her beaten down beaver hair onto Larry King last night to pimp out that book she wrote about being a big ass cunt. No, the book is about kiddes or something. But she really should write a book on how to embrace your cuntness, because she is quickly becoming my cunt idol.

Of course, Larry brought up the whole "Jon is bumping on a teacher" thing. Larry read a statement from Jon where he once again denied ever getting sexy with that woman. Kate blamed fame. But she also blamed Jon for being so stupid in the brains.

Kate told Larry, "I am not a celebrity. "I am a mom and a wife. And I feel that Jon is having difficult times realizing that, you know, you can't go to the grocery store without people whipping out their cell phones, calling everyone they know and taking pictures of you. He is dealing very poorly with it. And I feel like these, you know, things are making him realize, oh, my gosh, I cannot go anywhere without everyone knowing. I look at life as a glass half full is my attitude. And I feel like we have learned a lot, the kids have gained a lot. We have benefited a lot. And life lessons is -- you will see in our show. And this is full of life lessons. Life happens. And, you know, we all have to react to what happens to us. And I choose happiness. And I choose to survive anything."

And you also choose to be the biggest cunt who ever cunted. Heather Mills better hop up her game.

You know, does Jon do anything right, Kate? I'm sure can't pee pee right. He can't wipe his ass by himself right. He can't even cry over his slaughtered balls right. Shit, he can't even cheat right! The only thing he does right is do everything wrong! Preach it, Kate!

VIA UsWeekly