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And here's some news that will make your vagina burp. HoHan and SamRo have quit the love. You probably forgot due to a little condition called IDONTGIVEAFUCK-itis, but the 'gina bumpers got back together last month after breaking up in April. Now it's over again.

A source-type told E! News that they ended things last night after a fight about Nicole Richie...among other things. Apparently, Nicole Richie dry heaves every time HoHan is around. Nicole invited SamRo to a party last week, but told her not to bring her partner in pussy. The source went on to say, "Sam went to the party, and it really upset Lindsay."

Fittingly enough, after SamRo had words with HoHan, she went to dinner with Nicole. Right after dinner, SamRo dumped HoHan via text message and basically told her to stay out of her life FOREVER.

SamRo is really going to need to do better than that. A mean text message isn't going to keep HoHan from crawling into SamRo's bedroom window in the middle of the night and watching her sleep. If she knows what's good, SamRo will put Quween on the Scene on payroll!

And breaking up by text message doesn't count! It has to be done in person or by order of the court! SamRo should explore the latter option.

Yeah, right. These two drama lezzies will never be over. They will be eating each other's coochie tartare again this time tomorrow.

A ring of black smoke appeared over Kings Dominion, an amusement park in Virginia, and officials say it came from the Volcano ride. Not everyone is buying it. Some loons think it was a UFO filled with aliens. Some think Kirstie Alley was just in town and had Mexican for lunch. And then there's Denna Smith. Denna told a local news station that she fully believes it was a SIGN FROM GOD!!!!

Denna said that knows for a fact it wasn't smoke, because smoke "looks smoky." Thank you, esteemed professor of chemistry. Denna went on to explain that it was a perfect circle, "like a cut in the middle of the sky." Denna knows it was a sign delivered by God himself. She said, "I'm not sure what that sign meant."

It was a sign telling you that you've got the CRAZIES. Oh and the sign also wanted to say that even know you're crazy, your lip liner is stunning.

VIA Buzzfeed

In London last night, a young boy with pleading eyes tried to bestow a beautiful yellow rose upon Megan Fox, but she rejected him! That boy probably spent his ice cream money on that flower! Or maybe he's an orphan! Yeah, that's it. He threw porridge in the head mistress of the orphanage's face, escaped out the front door, stole a rose and then ran directly to Megan's hotel. He risked everything just to give her a rose and that slut broke his heart! Just like that.

In some of the pictures it even looks like she's acreaming "GOOOOO!!!! MOVE FASTER" to her bodyguards. Like she's trying to get away from the ball of sweetness! All he wanted was for her to take his rose.

Right after Megan murdered any hope he had left in this world, that urchin shuffled into an alley. He stared at the unwanted rose and suddenly felt hatred towards it for not being beautiful enough for Megan. So he ate the rose to rid it from his sight. The thorns cuts his vocal cords and now he's mute! He's a mute thanks to Megan Fox! Megan Fox is a monster!

And yes, my bong co-wrote this post.

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Quween on the Scene, obviously.

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 8, 2009
Claim to Fame: TMZ first started picking up on Quween immediately when she started busting the paps for effing with famehos. Quween became the ruler of the streets and a savior to all celebwhores! I got buttery for Quween when she started a war with Chicken Cutlets. Thankfully, they called a truce, so I don't have to pick a side.

Where is she now? Protecting the streets of Beverly Hills from the posarassi!

Why is she HS of the Week? Because Quween has embraced the title! Kat Tales TV asked the Quween how she felt about being named a Hot Slut of the Day and this is what she had to say. It's a little intimate, so you might need a ciggie and a hot wash cloth afterwards.

Mimi's first single off her new album Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel (which is also the title of my 6th grade diary) came out today and it sounds like it came out 5 years ago. Same butterfly shit. Almost. Mimi decided to sprinkle this with a heaping serving of auto-tone. Although, this shit is not a total wash.

Just when I was about to quit this song and cleanse my ears with some Eden's Crush, I hear Mimi scream at 3:30 mark, "He's all up in my George Foreman!!!!!" AHAHAHAHA. I haven't heard that shit in years since some cholita said that to me while I was going through her ladybug backpack (she was going through a phase). This song is fine by me just for that lyric!

And you better get used to this mess, because it's probably going to be #1. You will hear it blasting through Walgreens every time you go in there to pick up condoms and Diet Shasta.

Bruno's bare butt cutlet on the cover of GQ - Towleroad

When is Megan Fox just going to walk around nekkid already? - Egotastic!

Brooke Hogan is training for her obvious destiny - Hollywood Tuna

Russell Crowe on the set of Robin Food (appropriate typo) - Just Jared

A Jakey Poo in Paris - Popsugar

Bitties or buns? - Cityrag

Is Barbara Bush's make-up artist doing JLove's face now? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel has nothing to worry about. Nobody wants to do her woman - Lainey Gossip

Baby Jesus looks a lot hotter without that giant roid growth at his side - Hollywood Rag

The Cheeto stalker has been put on a leash.... just like the object of her affection! - E! Online

After surviving Parasite Hilton's bomb zone snatch, Cristiano Ronaldo went off to Las Vegas where he got a tantalizing massage from a tall drink of organic SEX. There was no need for a happy ending, because Cristiano was happy throughout the whole thing. Wouldn't you be? Although, I don't think the dude is giving him a massage for pleasure or because of an injury. Dude is trying to get Parasite's mutant crabs out of Cristiano's body. They crawled up his ass while he was grossy grossy times with her. Hopefully, he learned his lesson.

Also, I think her crabs ate his entire pit bush. Thankfully, his eyebrows haven't been nibbled on yet. They are looking as precious as ever.

Redbook Magazine (via The Sun) asked Jada Pinkett Smith for tips on how to keep your sex life with your husband interesting. This made me fart. Anyway, Jada's advice to women is to do sexy times everywhere and anywhere. Go ahead and spread your fuck jelly all over your friend's guest towels.

Jada said, "Be sneaky... your girlfriend's house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom. Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road... Just switch it up. Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive."

The flame in Will & Jade's life is very much alive. Its name is Tom Cruise.

To me, this just confirms that these two aren't boning each other. I mean, her advice is to do it in your friend's bedroom? Oooh, how kinky and edgy. Come on, Jada. Give us the real shit. Tell us how to work the strap-on so that your big gay man's prostate squeals! I know how you do it!

You know how sometimes when you're passed out drunk your friends (or in my case, your own mother) will write words like "DRUNK, WHORE, SKANK, PEEN SUCKER" all over your face? Well, 18-year-old Kimberley Vlaminck of Belgium claims that's what happened to her (sort-of). Except the fresh graffiti on her face wasn't from a Sharpie and couldn't be washed off with water or even hot gasoline. This fugness is pretty much permanent!

Kimmy tells the Daily Mail that she paid a Romanian tattoo artist £55 to decorate her face with only three stars. Kimmy, who might have the worst case of narcolepsy ever, says she fell asleep while the dude had a sharp needle on her face and woke up covered in STARZ. 56 stars to be exact.

Kimmy is suing the tattoo artist for £8,500, because that's how much it's going to cost to get them all removed. Kimmy says that she told him she only wanted 3 stars in English and French, but he must have misunderstood her. The tattoo artist says that Kimmy is made of lies, because she specifically asked for 56 stars. He said she was awake and even looked at the mirror a few times. He went on to say, "The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotized her. What rubbish!" It's safe to say that he's MADDER THAN FISH GREASE.

I've never had a tattoo, but I'm pretty sure that if you had a sharp ass needle right on your bone you wouldn't be skipping through the clouds in dreamland. The stupid bitch got the tattoo and her father threatened to quit her ass over it, so she played dumb.

It's really not that bad either. It kind of looks like her ear is queefing out stars. It's like Glamberace scooted all over her face. Look on the bright side. Or should I say, the "STARZ" side (GONG!!!!).

Kimmy is moaning that she can't leave the house now, "I am so embarrassed. I just look horrible."

Um. I've got news for Kimmy. The star bukkake on her face is less ridiculous than that SEXY belt buckle she's wearing.