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What is there to say about Drew Barrymore's short bus outfits anymore? I surrender. Besides, it makes my soul smile picturing Punky Brewster and Dawn Wiener joining forces to pick out this fuckery for Drew. I guess if a shark hat on your head is the least ridiculous thing in your outfit, you are doing something right? Again, I surrender.

WAIT. HOLD UP. I wonder if MiserAlba asked Drew to wear that hat?! MiserAlba just won't quit! Shark awareness FAIL: Part II.

Here's more of Josie Grossy and the Mac Dude leaving a Marlins game in Miami yesterday.

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Strawberry Hill

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 20, 2009
Claim to Fame: Boone's Farm was founded in 1873, but it didn't become a classic until they started selling malt liquor for those with finer tastes. Strawberry Hill was their second flavored nectar of the gods. Apple was the first.

Where is it now? Probably getting some high school student drunk for the first time. Strawberry Hill really is an important part of a teenager's life.

Why is it HS of the Week? Because you whores sent me some beautiful stories about your first dance with Strawberry Hill. One of you toasted with it at your wedding (a truly elegant affair) and another of you skanks barfed it up on a dude who was about to take your V-card. Touching stories all around.

Here's a Strawberry Hill commercial from the olden times. The Strawberry Hill granny is a real gangsta. "One sip and it's Strawberry Hill forever" is RIGHT.

Sienna Miller needs to follow Balthazar Getty's finger and get the dick out of here, because bitch has fucked up yet again! Sienna, throw yourself off that pier, ho! It's time for some tough love! I can't stand by and watch Sienna disrespect herself as one of the biggest sluts in all the land by continuing to mess with the same old soggy peen! I mean, just when I thought Sienna had finally released Balthazar's dick from her jaws of life vagina, here she is with him in Positano, Italy.

Sienna and Balthazar spent Father's Day doing gross things on a boat together. Cue Balthazar's wife: "Aw, kids. That was nice of you to make daddy breakfast for Father's Day, but unfortunately he can't eat it, because he's too busy eating his slut whore mistress' snatch in Italy."

Sienna needs to stick her vag in a bowl of ice until its fever for Balthazar goes down, because obviously it's hallucinating. I don't care if Balthazar goes all the way up her GOWL, there's more dick out there that needs to be fucked! This slut is on notice AGAIN.

A few months ago, I barely even know who these Jon & Kate people were. When I started to read about Jon's rogue dick in the tabloids, I decided to slip into the back row with the rest of you to watch their marriage train slowly head for the side of a mountain. And now the train has crashed into the side of the mountain and burst into flames! People says that Jon & Kate filed for divorce this afternoon in Reading, Pa. They have been married for 10 years and have a million children together (rough estimate).

On tonight's episode of Jon & Kunt, they are supposed to make a big announcement. Now that People has stolen their thunder, do we still have to watch? Ugh. Sigh. Unfortunately, I'm going to watch hoping that Kate's rabid possum head bites Jon crotch just one more time. You know, one for the road.

Life & Style says that the rumors are true and Jon is moving to Manhattan. Jon is going to work in NYC and visit his kids on the weekends.

Basically, this sounds like Kate is getting EVERYTHING (i.e. the child army and house) since Jon is moving out of the state. Hey, at Jon gets his nuts back! Well, he gets them back on the weekdays anyway.

This whole thing has been like watching an episode of Faces of Death in slow motion. This shit just proves once again that reality TV murders marriages. If you're trying to get out of your marriage and don't know how, just star in your own reality show! It's the quickest way to D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Try not to have a seizure due to shock, but Chris Brown will not go to jail for Ike Turnering Alien Princess RiRi. TMZ says that Chris struck a deal today. Every prisoner in every jail in L.A. is disappointed, because they were hoping to turn that ass out!

Chris must serve 180 consecutive days of hard labor in Virginia (where he lives). To Chris, hard labor is probably wiping his own ass or whoopin' a trick. But to the system, hard labor is picking up trash on the freeway. Be sure to honk if you see Chris in an orange jumpsuit!

On top of that, Chris will be on probation for 5 years for felony assault. If he violates his probation, he could go to prison for up to 4 years. That's a silver lining for you, prisoners of L.A.!

Chris was also ordered to stay away from RiRi and he must complete a domestic violence counseling program.

I wonder if they wrapped up this deal in fancy paper with a purdy bow on top, because this shit is a gift to Chris Brown.

Image: Johnny Louis/Wenn

Jay-Z makes an appearance at the biggest drag show Manhattan has ever seen - Lainey Gossip

Wonky McValtrex makes it soooo easy - Just Jared

Kendra's shot gun titties (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Madonna's Mercy is screaming "heeeeeeeelp me" with her eyes - Popsugar

Anna Faris shows off her chichi sacks in Hawaii while her ham of a fiance shows off his bloated gut - Egotastic!

HoHan is weak! I'm sure she can pick the lock with her twiggy ass legs - Hollywood Tuna

Ciara is subtle - Hollywood Rag

Ancient nest discovered! No, it wasn't found on Kim Zolciak's head - Towleroad

The unsexiest thing you will see all hour - ICYDK

Ryan Reynolds is hot, nekkid, blurry and....wait.... Are we sure that's not Sandra Bullock instead? - Socialite Life

Stephen Baldwin attracts bugs. Imagine that. - SOW

Not everything Brad Pitt touches turns to gold. Image that. - Celebitchy

Lady CaCa puts the tard in leotard. Imagine...I'm stopping. - I'm Not Obsessed

Boooooo - Cityrag

One gorgeous picture of Katie Price I missed earlier. Click with an empty mouth - Holy Moly!

Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett have never been married! I always figured they got married at one point or another. But thanks to my amazing journalistic skills (aka a 3-second search on Wikipedia), I learned that even though they were together for a million years, they never made it legal. Ryan tells Barbara Walters that they have decided to get married after all these years.

Ryan says, "I've asked her to marry me, again, and she's agreed. We will, as soon as she can, say yes. ... Maybe we can just nod her head (Ed note: He's joking...I think). I promise you, we will. ... Absolutely."

Ryan said that Farrah's condition is getting worse and she's fighting for her life. Farrah was diagnosed with cancer in 2006.

I'm giving Ryan a slight side-eye only because I'm not sure what his motives are. There's something about his little eyes. That being said, if this is what Farrah truly wants, then she should do it. It's still bittersweet.

Isn't this precious? It reminds of my junior high school days when my friends (who were all girls, duh) wanted to dress the same every Friday for some stupid reason. It was always an epic failure! No matter how hard we tried, we never matched.

For example: we would all agree to wear a red-shirt, blue jeans and black shoes, because that's something we all had in our closet. Friday would come and not one bitch would get it right. One bitch would wear a hot pink t-shirt with blue jeans and white shoes. Another ho would wear a red t-shirt with a giant Tasmanian Devil on the front. The rest of us would claim we forgot and wear something completely different. This would cause one dumb ho to ask the important question, "How can we be down forever if we can't even do this one little thing together? The school needs to know how tight we are." Then we would all hug and promise to try harder next week. But nobody would. Junior high was so bizarre.

Come to think of it. I'm no longer friends with any of those bitches, so they were totally right. There's no way we could be friends forever since we couldn't even come together by wearing the same outfit on the same day!

Here's Jakey and Reese in DC yesterday proving that they will be best homegirls til the end of time. Although, I wish they would've worn Jakey's first choice for a matching outfit: assless hot pink coochie cutters and a midriff t-shirt with the words "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" written on the front.

When I first saw these pictures of Bruno at the Berlin premiere of his movie, I felt a lump in my throat, my skin felt itchy, my nipples retreated into my body and all the moisture in my eyeballs got sucked out. I figured it was time to go to the free clinic again, but then I remember I had the same symptoms after looking at the picture that still makes cameos in my nightmares. THIS:

Fuck you, Bruno! Thanks to him this picture will probably go back to being the STAR of my nightmares instead of just an extra. To make it even worse, Bruno is wearing UGGs inspired by the creepy family of furries. Way to punch me in my soul. I wouldn't be surprised if Bruno is wearing a CROCS-made butt plug. Kill me.