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This is the cover for Whit Whit's big comeback album and I hope she stamped it with a giant HELL TO THE NO when she saw it. The Photoshop fuckery aside, they couldn't find a picture with a better expression than this mess? Whit's giving me a cross between "My doody bubble got stuck" face and "You got another ciggie?" face.

Although, I do approve of her Beverly Hills Teens earrings. They got that right.

Don't show this to Nicole Kidman or it may scare her into overdosing on Botox. It could also cause her to devour an entire box of golden prunes and her ass doesn't need that. Literally.

Anyoldbabyface, this is Brad Pitt on the cover of Wired wearing a Bluetooth earpiece. Brad already has his own child army and now he's wearing a Bluetooth earpiece? If he starts wearing rhinestone studs from Claire's in his ears and Ed Hardy rags on his body, then we'll have to get Maddox to stage an intervention. One Jon Gosselin on this planet is already one too many.

Brad did the interview with Wired as his Inglourious Basterds character Lt. Aldo Raine. This is all Sacha Baron Cohen's fault. Bitch mainly did interviews as Bruno, so now other hos think they can get away with it too. Boo. Here's a little bit of the interview:

On Asswipe Kutcher posting a picture of his wifey's nalgas on Twitter: "Don't take a picture of your wife's butt. That's silly. Take pictures of other people's wives' butts."

On looking for love on the internet (a cautionary tale for Aniston): "Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don't, they'll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie."

On using the phone while you're taking a pee or poo: "No, you can't talk on the phone! Do you want the guy next to you to hear your entire conversation?

On texting while you're taking a pee or poo: "Just be sure you don't hit the wrong button and end up putting a photo of your junk on Twitter. Trust me, you don't want those followers."

Oh, Brad, I mean Lt. Aldo, the internet has already seen your peen and pits long before Twitter.

When crazy ass Glenn Beck freaks out, my soul laughs....to keep from weeping.

Glenn Beck freaked out on his radio show today when talking about healthcare with a caller named Kathy. I need to send Kathy from Massachusetts a fruit basket, because she is the reason why Glenn brought the crazy again. One minute, Glenn was talking about prostate exams and then he was screeching like a pre-teen. You can picture Glenn's head spinning around while piping hot smoke blows out of his face holes. I'm surprised every socket in the building didn't blow up. You know every straitjacket within a five-mile started making its way towards Glenn.

Skip to the 2:50 mark to get the goods. "GET OFF MY PHONE YOU LITTLE PINHEAD" is the new "WE'LL DO IT LIVE!"

VIA Media Matter

"The Slut Dress" was last seen on the body of Heidi Montag on June 15th. After spending time with that useless twat, it had to marinate in holy water, seek the help of a psychiatrist and shake a crystal meth addiction. Well, it's cleaned up and it's back! Erin Andrews, a sportscaster type, escorted TSD to The Espys last night. It will live on forever.

Expect it to marry a Saudi billionaire, get a ton of plastic surgery, have an affair with Gerard Butler, get kicked out of the Middle East, move to Los Angeles and get its own reality show.

Image: Wireimage

Are Jude Law's fans squirters or is that just sweat? - Lainey Gossip

Anna Friel has her titties out in Vanity Fair - Egotastic!

Ceiling Eyes takes her non-biodegradable titty balls out for a walk - Hollywood Tuna

Hairy wiener (DanRad not involved) - Towleroad

Jon Gosselin continues to wear Ed Hardy's coagulated jizz load all over his body and head - Just Jared

Shock. Aubrey O'Day is actually wearing a top (well in most of the pictures) (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

David Duchovny in handcuffs and not in the way he'd like to be - Popsugar

Celebwhore chichi grabbing - Cityrag

RPattz's magical unicorn forest needs a little fluffing - Hollywood Rag

Soulja Boy posted a picture on his Twitter of what he claims is his dick boner in his chonies. It kind of looks more like an obese salamander trapped in a tent. Something in the milk ain't clean, but you be the judge. The picture is after the jump. It might be slightly NSFW-ish. JUMP!!!

I know some of you hos are saying "WHO (double question mark)" Um, it's the guy from A-Ha! If you say "WHO?" again, then write your school system and tell them they need to start teaching the 80s in history class.

For being almost a half-a-century old, dude is looking hot. Not as hot as Pee Wee Herman's walking mug shot in the background, but he's still doing things to me. Take on my no-no, Morten!

People reports that Squinty Zellweger will star in a third Bridget Jones movie. This means that Squinty can actually start eating real food (instead of ice chips and tangerine seeds) again, because bitch will have to pack on the chunk.

Since BABIES!!! are in now, the third movie will focus on Bridget trying to knocked up before her ovaries dry up. Expect a scene where Hugh Grant and Colin Firth have a slap fight in Bridget's amniotic fluid puddle.

Shooting will begin later this year, so that gives Squinty some time to devour everything on This Is What You're Fat. Actually, she could probably gain 20 pounds just by staring at the pictures for a long time.

If Squinty can't gain the weight in time, the producers should fast forward the third movie 20 years. That why they can just plop a blonde wig on Kirstie Alley and squirt lemon juice in her eyes. There's Bridget Jones! Seriously, this is the role Kirstie Alley has been eating for her entire life!

Jada Pinkett's "We Really Fuck!" press tour is going strong. Last month, Jada told Redbook that she bumps ballsacks with Will Smith everywhere (even in your bathroom). This month, she continued to queef out nuggets to Self Magazine (via Page Six) about her OMGAMAZING sex life with her husband. This is what she said:

"When you have three kids, you've got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let's just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on."

We all have our arms up, Jada! We give up! We believe you. You and Will fuck like pre-teen bunnies on Viagra. We really do believe that your make-up ended up all over Will's ass cheeks while you were tossing his walnut salad on the way to the Oscars. You win. So can you put down the mic now. You are scaring and scarring Tommy Girl!