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Katherine Hagel posed for the paps outside of Letterman today in the finest dress Windsor Fashions has to offer. Look at Katherine thinking she has this. Bitch should've looked over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear, because the glamorous piece in the background is stealing her shine!

Katherine can never compete with a matching dress AND headband. Somewhere in the world, a community theater production of The Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Musical is desperately looking for a Teresa Giudice and here she is! Katherine's scene stealer will have to drop her hairline a few inches to accurately portray Teresa, but other than that, she's the one!

P.S. - I don't want to take anything away from the gorgeous headband lady, but that brick wall even looks hotter than Hagel.

HuffPo says that this is a real Sprite ad that was banned in Germany, but Gawker claims this is just a spec ad made by a really horny agency in hopes of getting the blowjob. Whatever the case may be, this shit doesn't make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for using oral sex to sell products to the masses, but if Sprite was so delicious, wouldn't she swallow? Amateur.

And if this was a dude's real tsunami load, it would be hot for exactly one second (okay, maybe two). After you realized what was going on, you'd have to get off the floor, go to the refrigerator, take a cork from a bottle of wine, insert it into the peen hole and then call for an ambulance.

Here's a few stills from a video obtained by Inside Edition of the Gosselin children's possible future stepmother taking a hit from a bong and a pipe while not wearing pants. Hailey knows what's up. Whenever I'm getting read to get my bong on, I always take my pants off. Pants just get in the way of conducting business properly. And that doesn't really sound right. While my glitter hole weeps at the thought, read on....

This video isn't really shocking since Hailey Glassman and her not right brows were arrested a few years ago for marijuana possession. It's also not shocking, because she's 20-something and this is what a lot of them do. Sucking on a bong totally prepared Hailey for sucking the hot air out of Jon's ass.

Part of me thinks that Kate Gosselin and her possum hair are sharing a cup of Hazlenut International Coffee and laughing at this. The other part of me thinks that Hailey is on Kate's payroll. Thanks to Hailey, Jon's gone from sad nut-less victim to douchiest douche who ever douched. I mean, Kate's approval ratings are up!

Jeffrey Donovan from USA's Burn Notice (and that "HE IS NOT MY SON" movie with St. Angie) was busted in Miami last week for driving with the drunks. The cops didn't have to work hard to catch Jeffrey. TMZ says that according to the police report, the arresting officer was sitting in his car when he heard a loud ass screech behind him. When he turned around, he saw Jeffrey's drunk ass swerving his car to avoid hitting the cop car. Jeffrey should've just jumped into the cops lap and held his hands out to be handcuffed. I mean, really...

When the cop approached Jeffrey's window, he immediately smell the sweet scent of life's nectar wafting out of Jeffrey's breathing area. Jeffrey told the cop, "Sorry, I didn't see the red light or your stopped car." When asked if he had anything to drink, Jeffrey answered, "I had three drinks at the Fontainebleau."

The cop gave him a sobriety test which Jeffrey failed with flying colors. After the cop delivered the news that he was about to go to the clink, Jeffrey said, "The only mistake I made tonight was drinking Benadryl with 3 glasses of wine." And he followed them gem up with another, "I really think I'm only borderline and not too drunk." If I got a dildo for every time I said that last line before falling over, I'd be drowning in plastic dicks.

Jeffrey should've taken his LOL lines further. Dude should've told the cops that the truth is the wine bottle violated him by forcing its juices down his throat. And that he's happy the cop is there so that he can file a report against the wine bottle. Actually, I bet Kiefer Sutherland has already used that excuse....

Chris Brown put his cue card-reading skills to the test (he gets an F minus) and taped this apology for beating on RiRi last February. Chris says that his mother and spiritual teachers (aka two episodes of Amen) taught him better than that and he will never do it again. Chris would've said more, but he had to run off to return that shirt to the gay chef he borrowed it from.

Guess who's stomach looks like it's barfing on itself? - Hollywood Rag

Whitney Port looks like she's got a merkin in her briefs (and her top too) - Egotastic!

Avril Lavigne needs a Sharpie - Hollywood Tuna

Russell Brand needs new leggings - Lainey Gossip

The tagline on Jakey's Prince of Persia poster should read: "Git It, Gurrrl!" - Towleroad

Oh, Simon, she's only using you for your fur chest pies - Popsugar

The "gay twink Emo" hair is not for Ciara - Just Jared

Annalynne McCord’s bikini must be permanently attached to her skin (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

When Rick Astley met Nirvana - Cityrag

Ashton Kutcher almost died. And not because Twitter went down for a few seconds - Celebslam

The Beastie Boys have put the release of their new album on pause and canceled their upcoming tour so that MCA (aka Adam Yauch) can get surgery on a cancerous tumor doctors found on his left parotid gland. The tumor isn't going to eff with his voice, but Adam will have to go through treatment. Adam explains it all in the message above and he even apologizes to the fans for having to go away for a quick minute. Dude doesn't have to apologize. Get bettah, MCA.

I just knew Aretha Franklin was in NYC over the weekend, because every single pair of boobies I came across on the street looked especially low. They were all bowing down to THE GREAT CHICHI ONE! Queen Aretha and titties o' plenty were in town for Nelson Mandela's birthday concert.

The front of Aretha's dress looks like my face every time I look at her magnificent chichis of hope: full of sparkly tears!

I think the tears are actually coming from those spaghetti straps, because they are crying from the pain of trying to hold up her colossal honeydew balls.

For the cost of a breakfast at IHop for 6, you can get up close and personal with The Real Housewives of New Jersey (sans the former coke whore with Ginsu brows). Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on here. I'm guessing they are going to do some kind of Q&A, but hopefully this is a forum for showcasing their real talents!

Teresa and her adorable gremlins can open the show with a table flip dance remix. Caroline can come on after that and do her one-woman The Godfather. To lighten things up, Dina and Grandma Wrinkle will tap dance and dance their way through "Together" from Gypsy. For the grand finale, Teresa's hairline will deliver a riveting monologue from Planet of the Apes (in the voice of James Whitmore).

As for Jacqueline, I guess she can tear tickets? Or she can sit in the lobby and spit out gumballs for anyone who presses her nose hard enough. Seriously, Jacqueline always looks like she has a mouthful of marbles!

Source: The Welmont Theater (Thanks Bryan)

At yesterday's Galaxy vs. Milan game in Los Angeles, Posh Beckham and Tommy Girl caught up about fashion, boys, the history of Euro Pop, thetans and gag reflex. Tommy wishes he had a weak gag reflex and Posh wishes she had a strong one. If only they could switch.

During the game, Becks kind of got into it with a bunch of H8RS who kept heckling his ass. Becks skipped over there, pointed his finger at them and nicknamed them "The Riot Squad." I doubt "The Riot Squad" went caca times in their panties out of fear. I mean, Becks' "castrated mouse on helium" voice is hardly threatening.

What Becks should've done is put his peen lips together and whistled for Tommy Girl. Tommy would've sashayed down there, flipped his bangs and challenged The Riot Squad to a Single Ladies dance-off! Game over.