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Hot Slut of the Week alumni and the country's first tranny mayor, Stu Rasmussen, is facing criticism by a bunch of jealous bitches who just don't understand Stu's version of glamour.

Silverton Together, a non-profit group that works with chirruns, filed a complaint, because they don't think the Mayor of Silverton, Oregon should run around looking like a common tramp. The HBIC of Silverton Together, Ken Hector, said Stu went too far when he spoke to a group of students while wearing a bathing suit top, mini skirt and fuck-me heels. Ken said, "This was a business meeting pure and simple and it was not something on his free time."

Ken needs to touch himself more, because in my circle that outfit is good enough for Sunday church. It's not like Stu was wearing a fur thong and a t-shirt that said "Suck My Dick While Fondling My Titties." Some people really need to watch more Vh1.

Stu says it was hotter than "Tommy Girl's Scientolohole while watching Spartacus" that day, so that's why he wore that outfit. Stu said the dress code doesn't apply to him since he's not completely a woman or man.

Then Stu actually said these words: "I like looking in the mirror and seeing a fairly attractive woman looking back. If you discount the face, an amazing looking woman." Sorry, Stu, but that face isn't even going to sell at the 99 Cent Store. WELL! Stu handed that joke on a silver platter.

I suggest that the next time Stu wears that outfit, he slip on a pair of exquisite lucite heels. Everyone will be so mesmerized by his heels that they won't even notice the outfit. Let the power of the lucite save you, Stu!

The last time I caught up with The Gosselins, Jon was douching it up with Michael Lohan, Jill Zarin and that Star Magazine reporter in Southampton while Kate Gosselin cared for the child army in Pennsylvania. Since then, everything has happened. I feel like I need to lick on Hailey Glassman's meth brows for a quick buzz just to get through all the stories. Since you don't have any of those handy, lick a toad (which is kind of the same thing) and read on:

Kate Majors aka The Other Kate has quit her job as a journalist at Star Magazine, because she thinks motorboating Jon Gosselin is a conflict of interest. Radar says that drunky Kate is still being gross with Jon at Michael Lohan's house in Southampton. Kate (who has the face of a really thirsty Himalayan kitten) spoke to E! today and said she realizes why people are calling her a famewhoring whore: "I realize being in the public eye often means facing criticism and being a target of hurtful lies. It simply comes with the territory. I just want people to know that I am a nice and genuine person and anyone who knows me knows that." And I just want Kate to know that nobody gives a possum's peen hole (no offense to Kate Gosselin). Actually, maybe I do, because I'm writing about it. Carry on....

The NYDN says that Jon is telling friends that he's not with The Other Kate and they haven't rubbed on each other. Jon's freshly grown nutsack is throbbing in anger that The Other Kate went public with their "imaginary" relationship. Jon apparently said, "Oh my God, I can't believe she did this to me. What do I do? She's totally [expletive] me over!"

As for Hailey Glassman, she told reporters that she really knows nothing about Jon's relationship with The Other Kate. She then said something about how she wants to be with Jon, then she ran off into the darkness to "find a light."

Lastly, Kate Gosselin is no longer wearing her wedding ring. And that's fucking that.

I'm sure by tomorrow we'll have a whole new set of Gosselin shit to fart and roll our eyes at. I'm thinking Michael Lohan is going to introduce Jon to HoHan and the two will fall madly in love. Then HoHan will introduce her sister Ali to Kate Gosselin and the two will become (don't worry, I'm not going there yet) best friends forever and move to NYC together. And now I'm happy, because all week I've been dying to make a Kate & Allie reference.

Guess what? LeAnn Rimes and her baby gay-faced husband Dean Rainbow Sherbert (government name: Dean Sheremet) are no longer NOT having sex with each other under the same roof. A source close to LeAnn tells People that after 7 years of marriage, they aren't together anymore and haven't been since the first season of RuPaul's Drag Race debuted (I'm speaking mine and Dean's language here).

The source went on to say, "LeAnn and her husband have been separated for quite some time now, but they continue to try and work through their relationship."

LeAnn's rumored fuck time partner, Eddie Cibrian, is also having marriage problems. A few days ago, his wife announced that she put his ass on the curb and said he belongs with LeAnn.

I don't know if LeAnn and Eddie belong together, but I do know that Dean better milk that ho dry. I'm talking about LeAnn, but if Eddie is into it, Dean should milk him too. Seriously, Dean should take of all of LeAnn's "How Do I Live Without You?" money and go crazy! Run free! Buy some menses! Pull a Gay Al Renolds!!! Freak out!

Image: Pacific Coast News

The First Lady of Crazy is currently on a diet where she only eats the souls of America's Next Top Model contestants, so this mean she's not eating any kind of junk food. And if Ty Ty isn't eating delicious greasiness than neither is anyone around her!

If you're one of Ty Ty's friends, you better keep a damn Snickers in your titty area so that you sneak a bite in the bathroom stall on the down low.

A source tells Fox411, “She has become so strict with her diet that she can’t even stand for junk food or fattening food to be around her. So she’s basically telling anyone she eats with what they can and can’t order. Most people think she’s joking at first, but then they realize she actually expects them to follow her eating rules too. She tells them: ‘If I’m not eating it, you’re not eating it!’”

Ty Ty is serious! You know what this means? This means we all need to get on the phone with Papa John's and order EVERYTHING with extra dipping butter (containing 8,000 grams of fat) to be delivered directly to Ty Ty's office. Then we'll all gather outside of her office with wine coolers and watch as she blows through the roof and into the air. Crazyworks!

The wedding entrance (with help from Chris "LB" Brown) that is turning the world upside down!!1!!1! I'm kind of hoping each and every one of these individuals were drunk as a motherfucker! And yes, my heart is still made of bong dust. CHECK! - Videogum

Sarah from Labyrinth is in a bikini - Egotastic!

Fuggie wearing a onesie made out of pillows from Pier One Imports circa 1991 - Hollywood Tuna

Jessica Simpson is really smiling because she just spotted a Claim Jumper in the distance - Lainey Gossip

Johnny Depp Rourke at Comic Con - Popsugar

Philosopher and fellow mega whore Megan Fox also at Comic Con - Hollywood Rag

DanRad is the defender of the gays - Towleroad

Master Maddox (and you know who) flies through Heathrow - Just Jared

Kirsten Stewart: hard nips and a plastic gun (SamRo just had an accident) - Cityrag

The McCord Sisters think they are the new Landers Sisters and they are severely mistaken (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Above is the rider of some female rock star (not Wino). The Smoking Gun is holding a contest and if you guess the answer correctly you get a priiiiiize of sorts. I think. My official guess is Gwen Stefani? I was going to guess Courtney Love, but "hundreds of pads and pens so that I can write the thieves who stole all my money letters of crazy" was not on the list.

UPDATE: I LOSE!!!!!! TSG revealed that the answer is DEBBIE HARRY!

Now for the rest of the blind items:

This R&B singer is trying to hide his secret. He won’t come out of the closet, and he keeps having breakdowns on stage. He is currently dating a transvestite, but he is still not comfortable with his life. (Down2Front via Blind Gossip)

Ne-Yo (?), call me and I'll counsel you over a plate of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies (they cure everything) and a wet handjob (also cures everything).

Whenever I can write about Coke Mom it is a great day. For a few weeks there I really thought she was going to get on the path of goodness and right, but in the end she went back to her nose candy ways. Coke Mom had been missing for a few weeks. You didn't notice though did you? Where had she gone? Rehab. Yes, she finally decided she needed to go. She didn't go because she felt like she had a problem. She went because her husband said there was no way he would consider getting her pregnant in her current condition. So, off she went for a few weeks and when she returned she stayed clean for it must be, two, maybe three days. So far her husband hasn't figured out she is back on the powder. Everyday she has been going to her meetings. On the way to her meetings though she has been stopping by her dealer's home and enjoying a few lines, and on the way home, just a couple more. So far it hasn't extended beyond that so maybe there is still hope. Let's just all hope she doesn't get pregnant anytime soon. (CDAN)

When I grow up, I want my nickname to be Coke Mom. Your guess is as good as mine, but whoever this is, will be getting a cease and desist from White Oprah soon for stealing her street nickname.

Becks and his boys went to the Grove in Los Angeles yesterday to buy stuff and their presence caused a SCENE! Even Cruz shot a WTF at all the commotion (see thumbnail #1).

You know, whenever I see hos crowding around to gawk at celebwhores, it makes me wonder if there's not a Hot Dog and Stick or Cinnabon around those parts. I mean, wouldn't you rather nibble on deliciousness than stand around and watch a person buy t-shirts? Although, I really shouldn't talk since once I followed Renee Sands from Kids Inc. all around the mall.

And how long before Princess RiRi gets the "Cruz Hawk"?

She's sitting in the barber chair right now.

I saw this picture of TwiMoms at Comic-Con over at Jezebel and was immediately drawn to the blonde bombshell in her Cache best all the way to the left. Dixie (let's call her that) not only looks like a TwiMom, but she also looks like a WhiteWineSpritzerAtNooni-Mom. If this is what most TwiMoms look like, hand me a fake blood pen and tell me where to sign! I bet Dixie makes a killer and highly potent Magical Forest Margarita.

Below is a clip from Comic-Con of the TwiHards blowing up into a panty pudding fountain while watching a couple of scenes from New Moon. Dixie wasn't there, because she was too busy fighting with the concession boy outside. The concession boy just didn't get it when Dixie told him to only fill her Coke halfway, because she needs to fill the rest with her "medicine."

Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta can relate to both Britney Spears and Michael Jackson. Kim understands the beast known as fame (not to be confused with the beast on her head nicknamed "famewhore"). Kim talks about this in an interview she gave to Popeater that was delivered down to us by the baby angels. For serious. Kim is really the grand dame of delusional! Example: "I feel bad for Britney Spears, I look at her and I'm like they just tear up one side and down the other! Then the next month, she's doing so great, she's lost weight, she's a great mom all of a sudden. I kind of sympathize with her because I take a lot of that heat myself." Oh and it gets better....

"I wasn't into Michael Jackson, back in the day I was, but then when he did pass, I'm like everybody else, I bought all his songs. He was so super, super talented and it's pretty terrible. Although I can understand how it could happen. I understand the fame. My life changed in such a short period of time, I can't imagine what he dealt with. Sometimes, emotionally, it's taken its toll on me, never mind him who is far bigger worldwide."

Oh, Kim, you are more famous than Brit Brit and Michael Jackson combined. Well, that's if you count all the voices inside her wig as fans.

If you drive by Kim's luxurious townhouse on any day of the week, you will see a mob of paparazzi and fans fighting just to get one peek of her. Yes, you'll notice that the paps are a little shorter than normal and that's because they are neighborhood kids Kim pays to hold cameras. Just go along with it! Oh and the fans are actually members of the ASPCA trying to capture her wig, but again, go along with it! Just skip through Kim's forest of crazy. It's better for everyone.

And I leave you with another amazing quote about her wig line: "I got so much heat for wearing a hair piece, which is comical because all the girls on the show wear one. I took so much I heat, I was like, I'm gonna turn a negative into a positive. I'm gonna go ahead make it work. Actually, it was really difficult for me to talk about that last year. Now in just a year, I'm able to talk about it, explain my situation and why I ended up in that position and why I still do it today ... 'cause I don't really have to. It's turned into a business venture at this point."

I. Cannot.