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Christopher Meloni can't wear sleeves for too long or his throbbing biceps will bust them right off! It's uncontrollable. You know how Parasite Hilton's pulsating pussay of destruction rips off panties by itself? The same goes for Christopher's arms.

The truth is I don't know whether to rub my nipples all over these pictures while tapping my privy areas or submit this shit to the Summer's Eve people as consideration for their next campaign. Oh, fuckit, let's go with the former. Nipples out!

Here's more pictures of Christopher and his "python trying to swallow a fat possum" arms on the set of Law & Order: SVU today along with Wenty Miller and Mariska Hargitay.

Kunty Karl has temporarily put Heidi Klum in the corner and is sinking his bony claws into Audrey Tautou. This is kind of funny since Audrey plays Coco Chanel in a biopic and also replaced Nicole Kidman as the new face of Chanel No. 5. Kunty Karl had no say in this, because he only deeeeeesigns ze clothes! The reason why Kunty Karl is now sticking pins into an Audrey voodoo doll is because she kind of said she doesn't wear Chanel every second of every day. BLASPHEMY!

WWD says that when a reporter asked Audrey if she wears the House of Chanel often, she answered, “Sometimes. This morning, I wore the rain boots.” This made Karl slap Audrey with his translucent pony tail (which I think is made from Casper's pubic hair) . His response to her comment was, “I didn’t even know we made rain boots. After that, I don’t have to be nice.” Karl went on to snip that if it was up to him, Penelope Cruz would be the face of Chanel and not Audrey.

Karl sure is funny for a corpse. I bet he's a comedy star on the graveyard circuit. You know, it's hard for me to hate Karl. First of all, he strokes his inner cunt ever chance he gets. Second of all, he reminds me of my grandmother's elderly poodle who smelled like nut grease and always had a dozen dingle berries hanging around its asshole area at all times. This damn poodle would bite at any bitch who dare care near my grandmother. We would tease its mean ass all the time and then just laugh laugh laugh! That's who Karl reminds me of. The Kunt is harmless. Audrey should just wave a chicken bone at his face and then laugh when he tries to bite it.

Richard, I see you giving that puppy the once over. You're going to need a bigger hole.

NO! There I go again, taking your hand and leading you to the gutter! Richard is holding that adorable doggy, because it was his date to the Japanese premiere of his movie Hachiko: A Dog's Story. The movie is about a man's special friendship with a dog. Okay, okay, I'm stopping. I'll see myself out.

Which magical actor is a hit with the ladies but keeps joking that they’re wasting his time as his wand swings the other way? (3am Girls)

When is DanRad going to put his bunny in my bottom hat? That sounded like some Richard Gere shit, but it wasn't meant to! I swear.

Which musically inclined young celeb has been dubbed - behind his back, of course - "Lip Gloss" because he always puts it on before hitting a red carpet? (Gatecrasher)

The always lovely Zac Efron, right? Lainey better start collecting residuals.

These two A/B list celebrity pals are now all grown up and have both been successful. We hear that back in the day when the two were just getting started, one actor was secretly sleeping with the sister of the other actor. The actor to this day, still doesn’t know! No one associated with Leonardo DiCaprio. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

The Two Coreys?! Ick. Nast. No. My final guess is Vince Vaughn and Jeremy Piven?

This B-/C+ movie actor is married to a B-/B+ television actress. Over the past few months there have been some rumors swirling that their marriage is in trouble. The husband even had to spend several nights away from the family home when his wife kicked him out because she thought he was cheating. This has been a huge shock because everyone has thought they would stay together forever. Not just the public, but their friends and family as well.

Well it turns out that the husband wasn’t cheating at all and that the couple were being played by a D list movie actress (you will never guess her) who is in the husband’s latest movie and a few of her pap friends. The D list actress wanted some publicity and started telling everyone she could think of that she was sleeping with the husband when she wasn’t. Then the paps got into the act by spreading the rumor and it got back to the wife who told the husband to not come home for a few days because even she believed it.

At some point the wife called one of her close friends who is frequently stalked by paps. A few questions were asked and the next thing you know the wife discovers none of it was true and she and the husband make up. The problem is the rumors will not go away and are spreading and multiplying. The only good news is that the D lister has not got the publicity she has wanted. (CDAN)

The married couple is David Arquette and Courtney Cox? The Dlister is Spaghetti Cat?

Image VIA ICHC

When Emma Watson has a chonie flash, a thousand fanboys make their first wet spot - Egotastic!

This headline just dropped my sperm count by 100% (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Hayden Panettiere creeps me out, but the dude behind her checking out her toddler nalgas creeps me out more - Hollywood Tuna

Javier Bardem is eating Penny Cruz's face. Probably tastes like roasted sardines and goat milk - Popsugar

Is it just me or does Bradley Cooper also give you "I'll jizz and leave" vibes. Swooon. - Just Jared

George Clooney had dinner with a brunette and she's not a cocktail waitress/model. DISMAY. - Lainey Gossip

What Jonathan Ross really meant is that parents might want to put their Hannah Montana-loving children up for adoption. And he would be right. - Towleroad

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler driving around in a car. Their jobs are really hard. - Hollywood Rag

Remember the good ole' days when airlines used to serve this shit? - Cityrag

Normally, I would never consider Lady CaCa as a host for an open post, but I have to give it to her, because bitch finally got it RIGHT! And that's what she wants all of us to say (obviously), so shout it loud! My peen lips, my ass lips, my face lips and my hands are all clapping in unison! GORGEOUS! This is like the opposite of that episode of the Twilight Zone with the pig people! Art done right. A +++++

Lady CaCa covered up her precious mug at a press conference today in Malta for some MTV event. Wait. Maybe Malta has strict public indecency laws and they made Lady CaCa do this in order to enter the country. If that's the case, Malta is my favorite.

Earlier I posted the cover of Star magazine with the epitome of elegance on it and now here's the story. You see, Lorenzo Lamas and his chirruns are currently shooting a reality show for E!. Shauna Sand is not a regular on the show, because E! couldn't afford strong enough camera lenses that won't break due to her intense beauty.

In the reality show, which is airing later this year, Lorenzo talks about how he caught his ex-wife Shauna doing sexy times with his son AJ while they were married. AJ was just 18 then and clearly not the hot stick of butter he is now. AJ isn't making my no-no screech in that picture above, but he does kind of like Screech from Saved by the Bell (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!).

One of Lorenzo's friends tells Star that Shauna's scandalous affair with his son is the reason why their marriage ended in 2002. The friend added, "Shauna came on to A.J. It was the ultimate betrayal. Lorenzo had no idea; he was in the dark about the whole thing. He thought Shauna was acting like a mom to A.J. He had no clue that she was his son's lover!"

Lorenzo needs to take a bow and stop being so dramatic! It's not like they are blood related. Shauna was just doing the motherly thing by teaching him the birds and the bees first-hand! Lorenzo should be grateful to Shauna! Being kissed on the genitals by Shauna is just like being blessed by the Pope. And with that, the date on my one-way bus ticket to Hell just got moved up!

This is the cover for Kelly Clarkon's newest single "Already Gone." Hopefully, Kelly Clarkson got that fancy chola tear drop for murdering these jeans.

I won't be surprised if one of my cholita cousins end up in urgent care this weekend after trying to recreate this look using a hot glue gun and a rhinestone. Chola beauty is pain.

Here's also some promo shots from the video. I wish Kelly would've stuck with the theme of the cover by wearing pleated Dickies and a wife beater.

Blood suckers must not have hearts, because RPattz has apparently dumped Kristen Stewart while their sparkly vampire baby love child is baking in her womb at 450 (yes, I believe everything I read on the internets)!! Life & Style says that RPattz has dropped Kristen Stewart off at the section marked "IT'S OVAH" and has no plans of picking her back up. That's because he's too busy sucking the blood out of his co-stars vagina noodle.

A sourcey says that he's moved on from Kristen to his Remember Me co-star Emilie de Ravin. The source watched the two canoodling at the Bowery Hotel in NYC on June 14th. When Elizabeth Reaser, one of the other actors from the movie, came to join them, Emilie told her ass how hard it was kissing RPattz in front of the cameras. Elizabeth responded with, "However you kiss Rob in real life, just do that!"

Well, there you go. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the crazed mob of horny Twitards to trample Emilie to death. Send her funeral bill to Life & Style.

Here's Rob filming in NYC yesterday. Expect one of the weeklies to have one of these pictures on their cover next week with the headline: "Emilie who?! Rob's romantic date at Chuck E. Cheese with his other co-star."

In an interview with Harper's Bazaar UK (via Fox News), Rachel Weisz says all actors should be banned from injecting their faces with the liquid cement known as BOTOX! Rachel explains, "It should be banned for actors, as steroids are for sportsmen. Acting is all about expression; why would you want to iron out a frown?"

Speaking of frowns, here's Nicole Kidman giving Rachel one for making that absurd statement! Yeah, Nicole is madder than fish grease! Can't you tell? Well, you can tell, because her hair is all Medusa-like. Every time she tries to frown, the pressure makes her hair curl.

There's no way Nicole would ever stop dropping Botox loads on her face. If she quit it, her face skin would slowly slide off of her head. It's the glue that keeps her together! How would she act if her face was only bone and tissue? Oh, wait. Mickey Rourke was nominated for an Oscar for doing just that.

Here's a few pictures of Nicole Kidman's plastic face slowly melting in the sun while filming Rabbit Hole in Queens, NY yesterday.