Archives

And not just any hat! A hat who is the reincarnation of the Venus Aphrodite
Demilo and an heir to the J. Paul Getty fortune. Yes, I'm just as confused as you. It gets even more confusing.

TMZ says that a hat named Sheri Allred has filed a $3 billion lawsuit against Hugh Hefner, because he hid under her bed when she was just a young girl. Or something. Sheri also claims Hugh had an affair with her adoptive mother. While Sheri's adoptive mother was boning Hef, she was also doing John Gotti. I LOVE CRAZY PEOPLE! Seriously, crazy people are a gift.

You can read the whole insane letter here (it's a must-read). Here's just a taste of Sheri's craziness. For once, the typos didn't come from me.

Yes, sir I am asking for 3 billion dollars from Mr. Hefner. He's been after me since I was a baby. Along with a pedifile organization here in L.A. When I was bout 5 yrs. Old He mysteriously was underneath my bed and he grabbed my arm and said that he and forsay the beatles and he mentioned the names of them. I asked like in my head since I'm a hat everyone in the world here's my thought's, a good way to establish peace. So I thought and I said you'd better let go of my hand. And so I braced myself again the wall and eventually he let go I ran into my parents room and told my adopted mother in which she replied it was probably your adopted dad.

The Gotti man had my husband eat his pussy cause he's a morphidite. I know you don't ask what is a morphodite, my dad my adopted dad told us kids what one of them are. That means my ex isn't here in the upper story, if you get what I mean.

In all seriousness, Courtney Love needs to stop playing! It's all fun and games until a pepaw loses his Playboy Mansion and ends up in the arms of Chris Hansen.

Courtney, I mean "Sheila," quit the fuckery and go back to hosting La Loca Love Show on Twitter and finding the thieves who "stole" all "your" money!

This is an ad for a language center in St. Petersburg which uses the music of Brit Brit to teach English. This is kind of ironic since Brit Brit barely knows English herself.

If Brit Brit knew what was good for her show, she'd immediately hire these 4 Russian bitches as her new back-up dancers/singers/eye candy. The hot pepaw can be the band's new accordion player, because every major show has to have an accordion player. It's just fact.

On second though, they don't need Brit Brit! These 4 beauties can go out on their own and become the world's next big superstar girl-group. They have everything it takes. There's the sexy one (the bitch in the red), the virginal one (the bitch in the white), the VOICE (the bitch in the black) and the lesbian one (you know which one I'm talking about).

VIA Buzzfeed

Birthday: September 29, 1956
Age: 52
Birth Name: Jane Velez-Mitchell

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 30, 2009
Claim to Fame: Jane has been a TV shouter (aka commentator) on every damn network from KCAL in L.A. to E! to Court TV.

Where is she now? Jane has her own show on HLN called Hair Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell!

Why is she HS of the Week? The dyke mullet! Durrr. And Jane is a former boozehound, who yaps about it all the time. So she gets major points for that She's also an open gayelle (just call her Jane Velezzie-Mitchell!). Do you think she's ever scissored Nancy Grace after both of them had too many Mud Slides at TGI Fridays?

Below is a clip of Jane in action. I'm not sure what she's saying, because ears are temporarily out of service due to all her shouting. But the bitch knows how to point! That's a strong finger there! I bet she finger bangs like a motherfucker!

What barely hanging onto A list married movie actor who is always Mr. Macho was seen, umm, how can I put this, getting serviced by a male assistant director on his latest movie. The trailer for the actor was unlocked and a production assistant walked in and now everyone knows. I was shocked when I heard it because I had never heard a peep that he leaned that way. Ever. (CDAN)

YES! Finally a good dude on dude blind item. Let's see....it could be Bruce Willis? This would be kind of funny since the movie he's shooting now is called A Couple of Dicks. My other guesses are The Rock, Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme?

Which television star called off her wedding the night before the nuptials? She changed her mind after having a sexy fling with the best man. (Gatecrasher)

Jennifer "Love Em And Leave Em" Hewitt?

We were out hiking on a remote section of popular hiking trail last week when we turned a corner and ran into the female star of a well-known TV drama. Having had some business dealings in the past, we stopped to exchange a few words. While we were standing there chatting, the celeb lit up a cigarette. My friend asked her if she usually smoked while exercising. Without hesitation, she responded that if smoking was bad for her heart and walking was good for her heart, she figured that if she did the two simultaneously that they would cancel each other out and she would be healthy. It’s tough to argue with that kind of logic. (Blind Gossip)

This could be only Katherine Heeeeeiiiigl, right? Where was a hongray coyote with a craving for nicotine-stained hags when we really needed one?

Um. Mary Louise Parker, there better not be any pubes in that pie - Hollywood Tuna

"XENU! Stop cranking me or I'll tell T-Girl about this!" - Lainey Gossip

Laetitia Casta is in a bikini and she's really really really REALLY really pregnant - Just Jared

Hopefully, The Hoff checked her ID first (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Lily Allen is a plushophile's wet dream come true - Egotastic!

Bruno on Out - Towleroad

Shia LaBeouf is giving me the tingles. Damn, I'm easy. - Popsugar

When is Halle Berry going to realize that Gabriel Aubry is only with her to make me jealous? - Hollywood Rag

I don't see the problem here - Cityrag

Jude Law's nipples? PRESENT! Jude Law's crotch bulge? PRESENT! Jude Law's new arm tattoos? PRESENT! Jude Law's hairline? Out sick...AGAIN.

Jude Law left a theater in London (where's he performing Hamlet) last night wearing something that he fished out of Adrien Brody or Michael Lohan's closet. At least you know what to get Jude for Xmas now: a gift certificate to International Male.

Methinks Jude was hoping his nipples would be the star of these pictures, but I can only give them second billing. Top billing goes to that hot bitch in the brown sweater/coat thing who could give a (NSFW) walrus' dick about Jude Law. If Jude Law's nipples started whistling "There's a Place in France" which made his crotch snake come out of hiding, she still wouldn't be impressed. I love her. There has to be a grouchy bitch in every crowd or else the crowd cannot exist.

A bunch of tampons with parachutes were dropped over 6 Dutch beaches last weekend. No, Diddy, Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake did not go parachuting together, these were actual tampons. A Dutch tampon company did it as a promo stunt to remind women that they should always have a pussy plug in their bag.

I feel for the seagull who will be in for a painful surprise after he swallows what he thinks is a delicious cotton candy stick. Bette Midler is about to skyrocket into the Netherlands in 3..2..

Source VIA Buzzfeed

The wig snatch is the new table flip! Above is a short preview of the second season of The Really Broke Housewives of Atlanta and you really just need to watch the last few seconds. Sheree does what every bitch who has seen this show at least once has dreamed of doing: snatching Kim Zolciak's roadkill wig! I wonder if the wig bit back?

I have to send Sheree a gift bag of Snausages and chew toys for a job well done!

In this week's edition of Caca Soup For Your Soul, Fishsticks Paltrow tells us how she lost "extra pounds" by completing a three-week mostly-juice detox. Yeah, I don't know where lost this extra weight, because her mouth is fatter than ever. Here's what Fishy had to say:

As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you.

Hey, Fishy, I asked my doctor (aka my dealer) and he said that you should take two doses of STFU-PM and call him in the morning. Okay, okay, I'm being hard on Fishy as usual. She's just trying to make the world a cleaner place, but she's really just making it a shittier one. LITERALLY. I mean, have you been on one of those detoxes? Your butt will turn into Niagara Falls. It will be a 24-hour feces party! It's not pretty. And there's a good chance your asshole will go raw and fall off. Nobody wants to be without a b-hole. Trust.

I tried to do that mess once, because my friend's daddy told me he did it for like 3-months and he started shitting out shiny mercury. Maybe he was pulling my nipple (not like that), but I wanted silver to come out of my ass too (it's the closest I'll get to butt sex with Anderson Cooper), so I gave it a shot. NEVER AGAIN. I nearly died after 12 hours. I have never wanted a greasy cheeseburger so bad in my life. I was so tempted to eat the paint off the walls with hot sauce. Before the day was through, I had consumed 2 McDonald's #1s. FAIL.

Fishy doesn't even give you the details for the detox. It's just a forum for that doctor dude to sell his crap inducers. If you want to feel like you've just gone on a three-week detox, just read the entire newsletter. All your insides will fall out of your butt.

Boy George as M. Buttereverything- Holy Moly!

Kate Winslet is putting her breasts away for now - I'm Not Obsessed

Martha Dumptruck's big comeback is not going to happen - Socialite Life

Whore Pit Viper on the cover of Marie Claire UK - ICYDK

The leech that was feeding on Brit Brit's butt dingles for all those years has returned - Celebitchy

A son whores out his mom on the internet. Well, that's a switch - Metro UK

James Franco's rejected UCLA commencement speech - Funny or Die

Edward Furlong still exists and he's getting a divorce - Popeater