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.....that JHud is knocked up with Punk's babeh? Or maybe Usher has the power to impregnate with his hands? This would explain how Tameka Foster got pregnant.....twice!

Here's JHud and Usher backstage at Michael Jackson's memorial this afternoon.

Image: Getty

Webcam chat at Ustream

Michael Jackson's Memorial is expected to begin within a few minutes, so you might as well grab the Fritos, the Kleenex and stop working. If your boss gives you lip, just call 911 and they will immediately be arrested for trying to keep you from watching this important intergalactic event. Livestream above.

Could it be that a certain gay blade has shaved off one beard and grown another? It’s one thing to hang out with that friendly filly who has known her way around a queen or two. Now he’s clinging onto a more desperate dame who, if I’m not mistaken, never met a gay man she didn’t like. His undeniable charms have worked pretty well in the past - his breakthrough happened when he focused on a guy mentioned in this very column. That time, he landed a series. The only thing that could happen with this b* is he’d shrink half a foot and lose all his hair. (Billy Masters via Blind Gossip)

This sounds like Bradley Cooper, but I never got the feeling that his unicorn horn tingles for the peen. I guess the filly is Jennifer Aniston and the other one is Squinty Zellweger? Sarah Jessica Parker better step it up, because she has always been the official homo-lovin' horsey.

Damage control! Which hard-partying actor rushed back to his local AA chapter when he was caught drinking, but is actually still on the sauce? (Gatecrasher)

The Christmas tree attacker himself, Kiefer Sutherland?

This young star, who is swearing he is actually a very good and chaste young man, is actually anything but. We hear that he is sleeping with the wife of one of his handlers, and she is also a good deal older than him. Not Zac Efron. (Buzz Foto via Blind Gossip)

I'm mad at this blind item, because I instantly got an image of David Archuleta nibbling on a cougar with his baby teefs. Ugh.

Anti-Douchebag Collar Clips: The greatest invention since Go Girl - Buzzfeed

Sharon Stone is going to skin that flight attendant and wear her as a cape - Celebitchy

Pam Beesly is going to be a wifey - ICYDK

It won't be long before Out of This World gets turned into a major motion picture and I can't wait! - SOW

Kendra Wilkinson says she will be a strict Christian mother. Whore say what? - I'm Not Obsessed

Faces of meth - Socialite Life

Baby Huey is topless - Celebslam

Peaches Geldof admits the obvious - Holy Moly!

Taylor Momsen is starting young - The Bastardly

Michael Jackson's family is currently making their way to Forest Lawn for his private service and every network is following their every move. After that, the family and Michael Jackson's body will make their way to the Staples Center for the memorial of all memorials (complete with elephants). TMZ says that the Swat Team will escort Michael's coffin to his memorial. I'm guessing that they will also escort Michael back to Forest Lawn to be buried later today.

Over 1 billion people are expected to watch the memorial on TV or the internets. MSNBC, CNN and TMZ all have a livestream. I think all of our brains have a livestream too, so if you close your eyes you can watch too.

The internet is really going to break today. It really is. It's been real. Then all of our TVs are going to blow up. Then the earth will crack in two. We'll all fall off and float through the galaxy for the rest of eternity.

When Zac Efron flips his precious head, glitter will no longer gently float off of his locks. When Chace Crawford runs his fingers through his hair, the unicorns will no longer faint. That's because they both cut off their twink bangs! As did Jared Leto! Because of this, Gatecrasher thinks it's the end of an era. Ellen Degeneres, the scissors are in your court.

Pfft. Honestly, this ain't gonna last. When Zac Efron opens his eyes in the morning and doesn't see his luscious golden power bottom bangs lying on the pillow, his glazed donut hole probably crumbs a little bit in sadness. Mark my words, Zac's bangs will be back!

Oh and Tommy Girl shouldn't go crying in the corner, because man banging is still in. Now and forever. It's a classic.

When HoHan launched her Dirty Sanchez cream Sevin Nyne, she claimed it took her three years to perfect the formula with her business partner Lorit Simon. Well, a bitch in St. Petersburg, FL is calling HoHan a lie-teller and a thief, because she says she's the one who came up with that shit.

The St. Petersburg Times says that chemist Jennifer Sunday filed a lawsuit against HoHan and Lorit Simon in a Tampa federal court for breach of contract, theft of trade secrets, civil conspiracy, intentional interference with contractual relations and deceptive and unfair trade practices.

Jennifer says she was working on the spray-tan with Lorit Simon back in January, but they couldn't agree on pricing. Next thing Jennifer knew, Lori was out whoring her creation with HoHan. Jennifer went on to say that the ingredients are exactly the same. Jennifer wants a cut of the profits.

Sevin Nyne launched a couple of months ago and is currently being sold for $35 a pop at Sephora.

Any whore who has ever barfed out pizza grease through their asshole (Alli users, I'm looking at you) can also sue this bitch. Seriously, I tested that crap on my hand once and it looked like butt sex gravy.

I kind of hope this goes to trial, just so we can all witness HoHan's performance on the stand. You know she's going to shout, "I found the recipe in my friend's coke pants!"

Larry King and CNN thinks they have solved the greatest mystery of the century (next to "What is under Kim Zolciak's road kill wig?")! Last night, CNN devoted an entire segment to explaining the ghost of Michael Jackson at Neverland. They claim it was just the shadow of some crew member walking by a light. NO! CNN has to do better than that. How do they explain the spooooky music? Music like that only plays when there's a ghost around. Maybe it was the shadow of Michael Jackson's ghost? Ghosts have shadows (just drink the Kool Aid and go with me)!

Personally, I think CNN should investigate further. They should send Miko Brando back to Neverland to find out the real truth! Seriously, Miko Brando needs to be on TV full-time. There aren't enough hot pieces in Hawaiian shirts on TV.

The truth is, the ghost was probably just Scrappy Doo sitting on Scooby Doo's shoulders again. You know how those to play.

Current holder of the world's longest foreskin award.' - Sandbitch

Runners-up:

Well, that's not going to protect your pockets, but it will continue to protect your virginity. - freebird

Even at age 13, Adrien Brody couldn't be trusted to dress himself. - DeeDee

just wait....
i'm going to unhook one side - bitchette

VIA Eat Liver

Trice from Oxygen's Dance Your Ass Off - For those of you who aren't familiar with this shit, Dance Your Ass Off is basically The Biggest Loser meets Dancing with the Has-Beens. My favorite BBB (big beautiful bitch) is the one and only Trice! When bitch busts a move, light bulbs explode. When she drops it low, the flames in Hell go out. When Trice thrusts her crotch, nipples fall off. Trice is this show! Judge for yourself. Below is Trice's disco dance from last night and if you missed it, you have to get a peep at this bitch killing hos and catching flies last week. Bitch chewed up RiRi and spit her out!