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And here we go. Get your fist ready and apologize to your monitor in advance, because Heather Mill's tongue is at it again. Poor, poor, poor Heather is just sick of being nailed to the cross with LIES and she is ready to spend her whole life fighting to get the truth out there. Heather is like a cunty version of Fox Mulder. Better yet, she's this generation's Gandhi. There goes your fist....

Heather told her local paper in Brighton (via Yahoo!) that she can relate to Malcolm X, Martin Luther King and Gandhi, because they were all attacked by H8rs while trying to truth-tell. The Kate Gosselin of the UK queefed, "They were people who went through controversy to put the truth forward and they weren't afraid to fight and I can relate to that completely."

Gandhi believed in non-violence, but I think he would agree that we can briefly put that belief on hold to whoop this trick's ass!

(Thanks Jayne)

Buzzfeed pointed out this ad showing up over at IGN and it took me a while to figure out what exactly I was looking at. At first, I thought it was a jizz tornado coming out of a hairy asshole (aka Tommy Girl farting). Then I realized it was a fist made out of deodorant residue shooting out of an armpit. Although, I don't know what's worse.

If you go over to IGN, you can watch the mighty fist punching that dude in the face. I bet your build-up can't do that! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's deodorant crud, but it really does look like dude gravy. And now that I look at it more, it could also pass for a yeast infection shoo....OKAY, I'm stopping, I'm stopping.

Ever since Michael Jackson moonwalked off to heaven, La Toya's vagina has grabbed on to the giant dildo known as fame and hasn't let go. AND SHE NEVER WILL! Toy Toy is back (insert dick slappy dance or groan here).

UsWeekly says that La Toya might take a break from solving the world's greatest mysteries to jiggle her bought-and-paid-for chichis on Dancing with the Has-Beens this season. Apparently, the producers offered her a spot on the show and now she's "in talks."

Toy Toy's rep would only said, "She's a big fan of the show, and being from a musical family, it would be a good fit."

ABC will announce the entire cast this Monday morning, but it's rumored that Ceiling Eyes, Vera Wang, Dean McDermott and Lou Ferrigno have either signed on already or are close to signing.

This is going to be good. Let's take bets on how many "Tributes to MJ" Toy Toy is going to do. Can't wait to see her tango to "Thriller" and her quick step to "Working Day and Night."

And if you're thinking to yourself, "but La Toya isn't a star," shut those thoughts up! Of course, Toy Toy is a star! Just look at this video below of her performing at a sold-out concert......at a bar..... in Slovenia. Okay, and it wasn't really sold out. There were 12 people there....and 3 goats.

Michael Douglas' son, Cameron, is currently sitting in a jail cell after he got caught trying to move a bunch of meth from NYC to LA in order to sell it. Because dude is behind bars, he hasn't really been able to get a hit of the bad shit. And that's where his girlfriend/mule comes in....

Radar reports that Cameron's dumb bitch of a girlfriend, Kelly Sott, decided it would be a really ingenious idea to stuff dime bags of heroin into an electric toothbrush in order to get it by jail security. Sonicare full of grace!

While visiting with him yesterday, Kelly tried to pass him the shit, but bitch got caught. Did this trick think Jessica Simpson was a prison guard there, because anybody with half-a-brain-cell could probably see that something shifty was going down. I mean, a toothbrush? Junkies don't brush! Kelly was immediately arrested and the word FAIL was stamped across her forehead.

Kelly might as well have skipped on in with a giant gift box marked "HEROIN 4 Cameron" on it. Meanwhile, Cameron will just have to deal with those druggy shakes and continue to try to get high by licking the radiator and snorting man chowder (his cell mate's idea).

Nia Long refuses to wear fur, but she's okay with wearing ten million layers of Photoshop! This is a true fuck job.

The Photoshop fairies must have had a raging boner, because they got a little too excited with the mouse. Those bitches made her crotch area look like that of a Barbie's. They also erased her damn belly button!! Or maybe it fell off when she pressed it against that subway pole. Seriously, don't try this at home. When I touch a subway pole for too long it starts to sting, so I don't even want to know how it feels when you press your genitals against it. The subway pole is where Parasite Hilton's pussy flu germs go to retire. Even the free clinic can't help you.

And here's a little quote from Nia that should singe your eyelashes:

"When I became a mother, I started to really understand the importance of all living creatures in a way that I didn’t ever think about before. And I’ve realized how important it is that we really take responsibility for … treating animals with love and care just like we would any human being. There’s no difference, in my opinion, [between fur and] slavery or the Holocaust. It’s just that we’re not dealing with human beings, we’re dealing with animals, but it’s still a living thing.”

Peta VIA YBF

Umm....are we interrupting something here, Paulina? (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Titty Abuse: The Jessica Lowndes Edition - Hollywood Tuna

Dear Katie Price, nobody wants to think about a cunt at a gay wedding! - Holy Moly!

I want my 14-seconds back - Popsugar

Jason Mraz likes to be nekkid - Towleroad

Chuck Bass got choked out by another British actor at JC Chasez's birthday party. This sounds like some kinky sex shit gone wrong - Just Jared

John Mayer invites you into his douche palace - Lainey Gossip

Carla Bruni is a FLILF - Egotastic!

Ivy league nips - Hollywood Rag

Tom Brady's Details magazine cover is not hot - I'm Not Obsessed

Will Ferrell with dildos - Cityrag

The trailer for Heath Ledger's final movie - Popeater

Maybe Hayden Panatroll finally got her period? - Socialite Life

Where is Dr. Kimberly Shaw with a bomb when you need her? - SOW

Candy, Candy, Candy, STFU already - Celebitchy

More like Brooks & DONE - ICYDK

Dlisted: The Movie (Hopefully starring Spaghetti Cat, Chicken Cutlets, Shauna Sand, Kim Zolciak's wig, Mah Boo, Harvey Price, Quween on the Scene and Rojo!) - Film School Rejects

Every year around this time, the town of Cave-in-Rock, Illinois gets invaded by the Juggalos who are there to down "Faygo" (also my nickname in high school) by the gallon while enjoying the musical stylings of the Insane Clown Posse. It's the Gathering of the Juggalos, biiiiiiitches! It's sort-of like Lollapalooza, but instead of chicks flashing their tittays at the camera, pregnant chicks flash their tittays at the camera. Amazingness.

I am so tempted to cover myself in fake tattoos, get my hair braided and throw on a "It Ain't Rape If It's Dead" t-shirt to witness this shit firsthand. However, I'm afraid they'll discover I'm a fake and the rest wouldn't be pretty. My no-no has already been through enough and it really isn't ready to rumble with a Juggalo. It's better that I just stay here and watch from afar.

You have to watch the video in its entirety to learn new phrases to use at parties. Also, visit the full gallery to see all the beautiful memories local artist Derek Erdman captured on film.

And just for the record, the Juggalo in the red t-shirt in the second thumbnail below is six-months pregnant and she's smoking. She tells us she's going to buy her new baby a bunch of "hatchet gear." She tells us this while smoking....while being six-months pregnant. She might be a Spears.

While picking up a bunch of free shit at a swag suite in Los Angeles last week, Brit Brit's Cheetolings entertained the other guests with their dazzling poetry skills. Gatecrasher says that 2-year-old JJ and 3-year-old SPF kept shouting "Oh shit!" over and over again while Brit Brit ignored them. Maybe they were trying to tell their mama je'e' that they had a poopy party in their pants, but Brit Brit wasn't hearing it. Some source said, "She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving."

Misbehaving? It's just the "shit" word. I'm sure most of us came into this world screaming "OH FUCK" or "OH MOTHERFUCKING CUNT DAMN" in baby-talk. It's not like SPF and JJ were shouting, "Mah pussy is hanging out" (they save that for church). Or even worse, they could've been using the word "POPOZAO" or "CHEEZ DOODLES" (Cheetos arch rival). Chester would have to wash their dirty mouths out with Palmolive if they ever repeated that name.

Image: INFDaily.com

Jennifer Hudson, who never officially came out and shouted "I'VE GOT A BABEH IN MY WOMB," gave birth to a baby friend yesterday evening. E! says that JHud's new baby is a boy and weighed in at in at 7 pounds, 14 ounces. JHud's new baby was named after his father. No, his name isn't Punk From I Love New York Jr., they named him David Daniel Otunga Jr.

This is JHud and Punk's first baby. They are planning to get married sometime this year.

Congrats to JHud, Punk and David Jr.! When David Jr. has settled in, he should meet Captain Maddox at the gate to begin training with the child army. It won't be long now before they take over the world and make us all their prisoners.

During the "lost footage" episode of The Really Broke Housewives of Atlanta, esteemed business woman Lisa Wu showed off her private bowling alley in the basement of her ridiculous mansion. Well, Lisa and her fine ass husband will have to knock her pins down in a urine-scented bowling alley with the rest of us, because bitch has been put out on the curb!

TMZ says that Lisa Wu has joined Sheree as a member of the "Bitch Got Evicted" club. Lisa and her husband Ed stopped making payments on their loan, so the bank sold the house and kicked them the hell out. Lisa and Ed bought the joint for $2.9 million two years ago and the bank sold it for $1.9 this month.

Lisa's cousin rep said that before they were evicted, they were trying to negotiate a new loan with the bank, because their house wasn't worth as much anymore....blah...burp...fart...blah... The rep added: "Ed and Lisa are fine. They have settled in their new home, that sits on 10 acres and they OWN it!"

You know their new "house" on 10 acres is a fancy tent with a hot plate and a camping toilet inside of it. They are doing it "HUNG-style." I can't wait to see how Business Woman is going to explain this on the reunion show. She should just blame Kim's gutter ass wig. When all else fails, blame Kim's WIG!