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Posh Beckham got out of her spaceship in Boston today to sit in as the guest judge on American Idol for callbacks. Posh's spokeswhore said that she has no plans to become the permanent fourth judge. However, it does look like she has plans to scare the fuck out of whoever walks through those doors to audition. Those poor bitches are going to think they either walked into a Scientology meeting or some kind of alien sacrifice ritual (same thing, right?). Posh could've eased up on the make-up. Or at least caked on some prosthetics so she looks less praying mantis-like.

Although, my childhood does applaud Posh for wearing a lace headband. Oh, it brings back fond memories of when I used to steal my sister's neon lace headbands and wear them while dancing around in the comfort of my room. So thanks for that, I guess....

Here's more of Posh looking like she'll beat you with a wire hanger if you don't finish your liver dinner while arriving at callbacks today. I also threw in a couple of pictures of Kara DioPLEASELEAVEUSALONE looking annoying as usual. Will Posh just eat her soul already? Oh yeah, what soul.

The truth is I'm only posting this story, because I needed a reason to use this picture of Ahahahahaha-Rod after getting hit by a pitch last night. I don't think he's felt that much pain since he tried to finger bang Madonna's roidy cooze for the first time. Now on to the battle of the Yankees hos!

Page Six says that things aren't really unicorns and rainbows between A-Rod and fellow Yankee Derek Jeter, so it makes sense that their hate for each other has trickled down to their girlfriends. According to sources, Derek's lady Minka Kelly (of Friday Night Lights) and Kate Hudson aren't really holding hands in the stands (accidental rhyme!), "There's been visible coldness between Minka and Kate. I don't know if it's a personal thing, or just an extension of the ongoing A-Rod-Jeter rivalry. People are choosing sides."

I love that "people are choosing sides" quote. This is just like Footballers' Wives except a homelier version....and not as bitchy or glamorous. Okay, this is nothing like Footballers Wives. Because if it was, this is how Kate and Minka would have handled their little feud.

Seriously, this is how you do it. Kate and Minka are both amateurs! If Tanya Turner was involved, she would've fucked both of their boyfriends by now and been pregnant with TWINS (one baby for each man).

Kourtney Kardashian is 5-months pregnant and the father is her on-and-off-again boyfriend Scott Disick (the "s" is silent). Kourtney is currently working the famewhore stroll to not only promote her fetus, but to also push that reality show she did with accidental coke snatcher Khloe Kardashian. During a radio interview with Ryan Gaycrest this morning, Kourtney talked about how she got pregnant:

"This probably sounds so dumb, but there's so many times I'll forget to take my pill and I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just so stupid."

Our government has let us down, because any famewhore with the last name Kardashian, Montag, Hilton or Hogan should have to eat, drink, inject and breathe birth control pills all day and night. Even the dudes. It should be a law. And if they forget just once, they should be jailed for the rest of their lives where their mouths will be strapped to an automatic birth control pill feeding machine.

VIA UsWeekly

So, Stewie, the evil babeh on the Family Gay, is a peen lover on the down low. Yeah, tell the house band to play The DUH Song over and over again. We all saw the signs.

Seth MacFarlane told Playboy (via The NYDN) that it's really no surprise since Stewie wants to kill his mom and take over the world. Note to my mom: No, need to sleep with a machete under your pillow, because not all gays are like that. Oh and I don't want to take over the world either. I just want to take over the Mother's Cookies factory. Anyway, this is what Seth said:

"We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out. It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.’ But we decided it’s better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he’s a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he’s so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation."

Yes, this is not shocking, but part of me also thought that Stewie was some kind of walking mutant penis. I mean, Stewie's head is exactly the same shape as one of my ex-boyfriend's peen. Seriously, it looked like a soggy dumpling...which is why he's my ex-boyfriend.

Which scorned reality star is in talks with a major R&B singer to have a faux relationship — just to improve her image? (Gatecrasher)

My guess is Kim Kardassian and...Ne-Yo maybe? But I praaaay it's Paula Abdul and Ciara? Wait, does MC Skat Kat count as R&B?

This quirky curly-haired actor has some odd eating habits when he goes out to a restaurant. He will only drink bottled water from which he can personally removed the cap. He also picks up his plate of food and smells each item before he begins to eat. All of the food on the plate has to be separate. If any of the foods on the plate touches another food, he will send the plate back. (Blind Gossip)

Michael Cera? That's my guess even though his hair looks more like Ruffles than Fritos.

This foreign born, married B-/C+ movie and television actor just missed out on what would have been his big break. A lead on a great television show that was canceled. He has always been thisclose to moving up a notch on the list. Well, his actress wife is also a B-/C+ but she is on the downswing of her career and older than her husband. Anyway, the husband has got the role of a lifetime he is about to begin shooting and his wife saw a role in the movie as a chance to try and resurrect her once promising career. In public the husband was all for it, but in private he worked behind the scenes to make sure her part went to another actress because he wants the focus to be all about him and not about a husband and wife on the same movie. His wife still doesn't understand how she went from having the part one day to it being offered to another actress the next. (CDAN)

Antoino & Melanie G? Duh. I think.

Bar Refaeli Twitters pictures of her grueling day job. I hope she gets a good benefits package, because that job looks harder than hard - Egotastic!

The roboalien family continues to terrorize Australia - Popsugar

Bethenny Frankel speaks the truth - Just Jared

Avril Lavigne looks beat - Hollywood Tuna

Ditto for Peaches Geldof - Holy Moly!

More like "Lady GaGa brings poop back to life" - Towleroad

Becks and one of his boys (don't make me Google for a name) strolling through Heathrow - Lainey Gossip

I thought cows were supposed to eat grass, not play on it - Hollywood Rag

Elle Macpherson's fresh fuck hair (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Don't mess with the Centipede - Celebitchy

Anna Farris got married - ICYDK

Shia's other jackit hand is healing - Socialite Life

The greatest celebrity already exists and his name is Spaghetti Cat - Cityrag

Kelly Taylor is always starting shit! Some things never change - I'm Not Obsessed

The brilliance that is Cornify now has a partner in pretty who can help us fight the fugly during our internet travels. I present to you...KITTENIFY! It's just like Cornify, but instead of looking like RPattz shook his dandruff all over your screen, KITTENIFY gives you KITTENS!

All you have to do is add this site to your bookmarks and whenever something is making you burp blood (i.e. the above headline), just KITTENIFY IT. Now your brain doesn't have to think about Heidi Montag's 20 orgasms, because you'll be too busy "awwwing" at the precious puss.

(Thanks William)

Guitar legend and father of the electric guitar Les Paul passed away today at White Plains Hospital in New York at the age of 94. A rep for Gibson Guitars said Les died of complications from pneumonia. Les was surrounded by family and friends when he went off to the great beyond.

In addition to inventing the electric guitar, Les also came up with multitrack recording, which allowed artists to record different instruments at different times. It also allowed singers to harmonize with themselves. Mimi better send the biggest floral arrangement ever to Les' family.

Les also had a string of hits with his wife Mary. She passed away in 1977.

May Les rest in peace! I'd like to think he's up in heaven starting a band with his wife, Michael Jackson and Willy DeVille.

I watch a lot of Cops, so I feel like I've heard every excuse in the book when a junkhead is caught with the bad shit in their purse, pockets or puss. But I've never heard this one before. Khloe Kardashian tells Life & Style that a vial of White Oprah's favorite nose duster found in her purse wasn't hers and she got creative when explaining how it got there.

Khloe said, "It was in a vial at our new store, Dash Miami, and at first I didn’t even know what it was. My employee was picking up a pile of clothes that customers had tried on, and it fell out. She called me into the dressing room, and it was in a little glass vial. I was leaving the dressing room, and a lot of customers walked in. I didn’t know what to do, so I threw it in my purse. I was like, 'I’ll dispose of this in a second,' and I went to help them. Then I forgot about it."

Yes, Khloe is slapping us in the face with her limp dick and telling us it's erect. Bitch should really teach a class at the Learning Annex on Creative Lie-Telling. Khloe is supposed to be the "smart" Kardashian (fart), so if she came across a vial of coke that wasn't hers, I'm sure she would either: a) hide it in her nose, b) hide it in her pee hole, c) hide it in her a-hole or d) EAT IT.

Khloe, who is currently on probation for a DUI, said if she could do it all over again, she'd run to the bathroom and pour it down the toilet. Translation: She'd run to the bathroom and pour it down her throat.

In other Kardashian news you can lose, Kourtney's mystery baby daddy has been revealed! The daddy is her ex-boyfriend Scott who is now her boyfriend. There you go. You can release your ass cheeks and let your no-no breathe again.

It's no secret that Mah Boo Anderson Cooper gets giddy like Tommy Girl at a gloryhole over NeNe Leakes and the feeling is mutual. Last night on The Silver Fox 69me, Erica Hill showed Mah Boo a couple of NeNe's interviews where she expressed her love for her sessiest fangay.

Now, NeNe is my hag in my head, so I will refrain from shouting "BITCH DON'T" at her for calling Andy her boo. The truth is, I think NeNe is Andy's boo too, because look at how he's getting all blushy in the face. Aw. I bet his precious nalgas got a little pink too. When Andy gets the gayggles, my nipples swooooooon.