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Photoshop Lifetime Achievement Award winner Mimi is at it again! This is the ad for her newest rainbow jizz in a bottle called Forever. It should've been called Forever Photoshopped.

The fact that she's Photoshopped to Hello Kitty heaven and back isn't the main problem here. The main issue is THAT POSE. Who told the Butterfly Priestess this looked hot? Mimi looks like she's trying so hard to push out a stubborn doody bubble that she's gone cockeyed. Bitch has got fart eyes.

I mean, who wants to smell like one of Mimi's butt queefs? Well, maybe Nick Cannon...and Eminem. Definitely Eminem.

VIA People

Megan Wants A Millionaire's very own Ryan Jenkins is no longer just a "person of interest." He has been charged with the murder of his wife Jasmine Fiore and there's a warrant out for his arrest. The police held a press conference today saying that they are currently trying to find his ass, so that they can drag him and bring him to justice.

Officials say Ryan busted out of the US last night and headed into Canada on foot. Maybe the real Sasquatch caught his ass and is holding him captive in his cave. It's so obvious that Sasquatch is a Vh1 fan and is not happy that MWAM was taken off the air.

During the press conference, the police also offered more grisly details about Jasmine's murder. They say her fingers and teeth were missing. Eesh. Thinkofpuppiesthinkofpuppies... They also have reason to believe that Ryan is armed with a gun. His bail has been set at $10 million.

Two months ago, Ryan hit Jasmine on the arm and was charged with domestic battery. He also has a record in Canada for domestic abuse. The production company that produces MWAM issued a statement saying they didn't know about Ryan's criminal record:

"51Minds was not aware of Ryan Jenkins' record when it cast him on "Megan Wants a Millionaire." Obviously, if the company had been given a full picture of his background, he would never have been allowed on the show.

The company did have in place what it thought was a thorough vetting process that involved complete background checks by an outside company for all contestants on its shows. Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case. "

I think their full background checks consist of: checking to see if a bitch has been in rehab, has a file at the free clinic, has nekkid pictures on the internet or has been arrested for selling their fuck parts for a slice of pizza. If the answer is "yes" to at least 3 of those things, they are warmly welcomed into the Vh1 family!

It's for their own good! When you're screaming to Soulja Boy that you'll do disgusting, slutty, dirty, illegal, raunchy, offensive, grisly ho shit in order to get on his bus, then you need to either: a) immediately join a nunnery or b) become a contestant on a Vh1 dating show.

Although, I shouldn't hate on these little girls, because I stand outside of CNN studios every night and scream the same shit to Mah Boo Anderson Cooper.

Lady CaCa arrived at Heathrow today looking like a rejected fluffer from the porn version of The Lost Boys called The Lost Boys...In Your Ass. You know, this shit is not right. If my ass showed up to any airport wearing this exact outfit, they would immediately taser me in the crotch and ship me off to Guantanamo Bay. Which is what they should've done to Lady CaCa.

And it's safe to say that the whole vampire craze has officially gone too far. Lady CaCa will suck your blood and then slap you with her peen! Speaking of, bitch's tuck game is getting better.

The Twidildo: It exists! Tantus, a maker of fuck trinkets, is coming out with a sparkly dildo they are calling "THE VAMP." They can't really call it the Twidildo since they will get sued and lose everything they fucked so hard for. And that would be a shame since they deserve to make millions and millions of dollars for coming up with this work of geniusness (yes, geniusness). I mean, they deserve a Pulitzer Prize just for the description:

Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.

Toss it in the fridge?! They better add a disclaimer, because some ho is going to sue after her chocha gets freezer burned.

Seriously, every crazed horny Twitard is going to crack open their red apple bank to buy the Twidildo, so that they can say Edward Cullen's sparkly vampeen finally took their virginity! They should also sell Edward cardboard cut-outs with this, because you know some of those crazies will attach the Twidildo to that shit so that they can ride him until he breaks in two...LITERALLY. Personally, I'm not wasting my coins on this, because I'm holding out for an Eric Northman Real Doll.

The Twidildo is after the jump in all its glory. It's actually not that glorious since it's just a generic dildo covered in glitter, but the Twitatties aren't picky. (NSFW) JUMP!!!

Which star was very popular at school for giving boys, er, special favors during break times in exchange for a Big Mac meal? The shameless celeb only stopped her outrageous behavior when she started piling on the pounds. (3am)

Blowjobs for Big Macs? This bitch is my kind! I didn't even get a half-eaten Chicken McNugget for the handjobs I gave in school. Since this is a blind item out of the UK, I'll guess Jodie Marsh? That's why she's my hero.

What A-list actress, always movies, may be finding it harder these days to afford her much admired clothes and style as her career has stalled? She took not one, not two, but TEN irreplaceable 1950s vintage couture dresses from the set of her last film. The LA rental house who supplied the dresses was of course paid replacement value and damages by the embarrassed production, but next time you read about this actress on the red carpet in "an amazing vintage couture gown she chose herself", feel free to point and laugh. (CDAN)

Nicole Kidman? Squinty Zellweger? Or Catherine Zeta-Jones?

This Actress is trying hard to be a supportive wife. She’s sat back to let her husband further his career, and has tried hard to stay home and be a good mom and wife, putting her career on hold. She enjoys being a mom and we hear is glad to do all that comes with it, but the problem is, she is the better money maker, and coupled with her man’s mounting legal/gambling debts, it looks like she’s going to have to go back to work soon. Not Katie Holmes. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)

Once again, my guess is Nicole Kidman?

The Avatar Trailer: This is some Lord of the Rings fucked a Blue Man shit - Just Jared

FYI: Kerry Washington has nipples - Egotastic!

The Miss Universe Pageant has hired the equivalent of a donkey show stripper to perform for them- Hollywood Tuna

A little Ryan Gosling to cleanse the palette - Popsugar

Something tells me there's going to be a lot of fangbangers out there with paper cuts on their genitals - Towleroad

Dear Ronnie Wood, stop breaking my soul by wearing those UGGGGGGGS - Holy Moly!

Oprah and George Clooney are totally going to have a gabfest about what their favorite strap-ons are - Lainey Gossip

Katie Price knows how to pump gas (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Fabio is looking fine (sarcasm) - Hollywood Rag

No fuckin' duh of the day - ICYDK

Phil Spector should be more afraid of looking in the mirror - Celebitchy

Sadly, Gilles Marini and his buttery skin baguette won't be back in SATC2 - I'm Not Obsessed

Another edition of chichis or crack? - Cityrag

David Cop-A-Feel is trying to make the sexual assault charges against him disappear - Socialite Life

Everyone in this picture, besides Harvey, needs to go down to The Get A Clue Store and buy their entire stock! When Harvey Price is plugging his ears, that means you need to immediately shut your gaping mouth hole! What part of "Harvey doesn't want to listen to your screeching" do they not understand? And Katie Price is the worst of them. Look at her screaming like she's got a dry cock up her as.... Wait, why does her hatchet-faced boyfriend have a smug look on his face? Katie wouldn't...would she? In front of the kiddies? At an amusement park? On a log ride? She totally would.

Here's more of Harvey, Katie and her water-damaged leather piece at Thorpe Park yesterday. And yes, Katie brought a camera crew with her, because she wants to document all these private moments....and air them on TV for millions to see.

Earlier this year, 37-year-old model Liskula Cohen filed a lawsuit against Google to force them to reveal the identity of the blogger who started a blog devoted to trashing her good name. A judge in Manhattan ruled in favor of Liskula and Google had to hand over the e-mail address of the ho who created "Skanks In NYC." After a little Googling (irony: here it is), Liskula found out that she kind of knew the woman who was calling her a SKANK at the top of the internet mountain. The woman was her mother. No, but that would've been hot.

Liskula told The NY Post that she's seen the bitch at parties, but never considered her a friend. When Liskula called her up on the phone, her arch rival wouldn't say shit. Liskula told the bitch she forgives her even though she has no idea why she hates her so much. The woman only said that they shouldn't be talking and they should leave it to the lawyers. She never apologized. Liskula is now planning to sue the anonymous skank caller for defamation.

That should be an entertaining trial. They should get the oldest judge in the city to cover this wreck, just so we can all gets the LOLs when he says the word "SKANK" a zillion times.

You know, instead of suing the bitch, Liskula should send her a damn fruit basket. If you Google the word "SKANK," Liskula's name comes up on the first page. I've been working my ass off (literally) for years to achieve an honor like that! Liskula gets it handed to her and she's whining about it. She's not a skank, she's a dumb bitch!