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45-year-old David Cross is fucking 26-year-old Amber Tamblyn. Those are is his words. David wants the world to know that he's mining in Amber's love cave (copyright: Tracy) every night, so he added it to the bio for his newest book Drink for a Reason. David really wanted to make this bio something special, so he used a picture of Amber's daddy instead of a picture of himself. SUCIO bitches! Thanksgiving dinner at Amber's house is going to be super awkward or super kinky.

You can tell that the dog in the picture wants nothing to do with this fuckery. Doggy's looking for the exit!

And in case you needed some help while visualizing Tobias Fünke and Joan of Arcadia fucking, here's some pictures of them from last year.

Poor Tracy. She wasn't used to the fresh sex fumes and it made her a little delirious causing her to confuse her Facebook boxes. It's a good thing Michael found the right box the night before. OW! I hope Tracey's fiance reads this, so he realizes that he needs to put on a mining hat and explore Tracy's love cave more often.

Here's a close-up of Tracy's love note to Michael. Git those cave juices flowin', Tracy!

UPDATE: It looks like Tracy's been hacked (her Facebook page, not her vag). The Next Web thinks 4Chan got a list of devout Christian Facebook users and decided to have a little fun with them. Tracy's page is still active and her sister is so mad about this that she has turned into KANYE WEST. Oh, well. I guess Tracy's love cave is still dry. Sigh. (Thanks Kevin)

VIA Buzzfeed

Future Mexican citizen LiLo was buying some ice at a deli in NYC when she accidentally left her BlackBerry on the counter. No, not the kind of ice you stick in a pipe and smoke up. Surprisingly, it was actual ice. Maybe she likes to cool her 8-ball before she digs in? I mean, it is summer. Anyway...

E! Online says that Blohan left the deli and was inside of a cab when the worker ran out to check to see if she left her phone on the counter. When she said yes, the deli worker wanted to make sure it was hers, so he asked her to verify her number. Blohan wasn't playing that shit, so she tried to snatch it out of his hands. Bitch wasn't quick enough and wasn't able to get the phone out of his hands. HA! You lose at phone snatchin', Blohan!

That's when she decided that the cops should get involved and she called 911. When the cops arrived, they immediately busted Blohan for meth possession. Their evidence? Her face. No, after they finished doing the eye roll mambo, they checked the phone, verified it was hers and gave it back.

The best part of this story is what the deli guy had to say. Dude is a comedian and he doesn't even know it: "I was just trying to be honest. Now I have police and trouble already. Who is she? Is she a star?" Survey says? NOOOOOOO.

Image: Fame Pictures

McSteamy and the Noxzema Girl ran out of Hollywood for Santa Barbara a few days after their boring ass plate of steamed parsnips they call a "nekkid tape" leaked on the internet. These twats need to be in their bed with the covers over their face! They should be ashamed for filming something that didn't include of the following: a) wet parts bumping so hard it sounds like a fat kid farting or b) Eric Dane's McPeeny standing proud and lit by three spotlights. Their video didn't have either of those things, so Keyboard Cat needs to play their weak asses off!

Hopefully, while they're in Santa Barbara, they will put down the pipe, pick up the camera and try again. Do better, Noxzema Girl and McSteamy! We know you can.

Aubrey O'Day has already shit on the timeless masterpiece that is Eddie Murphy's "Party All The Time" and now she's squatted over New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle." And she changed the lyrics. Way to take a strap-on to a song and ass fuck it without lube.

If Bizarre Love Triangle fell on hard times, was forced to give blow jobs in truck stop bathrooms for food stamps and caught throat gonorrhea, it would sound just like this. No, that's not a compliment. Not this time anyway.

VIA I'm Not Obsessed

Snoop Dogg, who I'm pretty sure is technically still married, got down with some greasy piece at the VIP Room in St. Tropez last night. You know, I don't blame Miss Crisco Hair for dry fucking on Snoop, because my nipples tingle for him. WELL, he kind of reminds me of Adrien Brody (No, I'm not still drunk...I think). It must be the Afghan Hound face. AND, you know Snoop's peen hole blows the good shit smoke. Snoop's dick is like a bong. So that's why that trick is getting up on that. IN THIS ECONOMY, you have to get your high anyway you can can!

Here's more pictures of Snoop partying with his puss o' the night and Usher last night. Also, is that Jon Gosselin in the third to the last thumbnail? Dude is always in it! Wherever there's available snatch, there's Jon!

Larry H. Parker - A lawyer/local commercial icon in Southern California. "Larry H. Parker got me $2.1 million" is the phrase of my childhood! When I was a kid, I even recorded his commercial on Vhs so I could watch that shit. A few years ago, I talked to some ho who told me "Larry H. Parker's office screwed me over!" I had to immediately take a shot of something strong, plug my ears and scream "ImnothearingthisImnothearingthis." I wasn't going to let that bitch ruin the pristine image of my favorite lawyer! Below is Larry's "$2.1 million" commercial from 1986.

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Rodrigo Santoro (34)
Beenie Man (36)
Kristen Wiig (36)
Howie Dorough (36)
Rick Yune (38)
Giada De Laurentiis (39)
Ty Burrell (42)
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (42)
Cindy Williams (62)
Valerie Harper (69)