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In an interview with Parade Magazine, Brad Pitt talks about a bunch of fun shit including where he likes to bone the bones, his continued support for gay marriage, Christianity and heaven's weed.

You know, Brad Pitt interviews usually make my face look like I got a lemon wedge stuck in my asshole, because I cringe so much, but I didn't do that once during this one! On the cringe meter, this interview gets a 0.1. Besides, Brad Pitt co-signs my upcoming wedding (in my imagination) to Anderson Cooper and that's all you really need to do to win me over (for now).

The entire interview is longer than longer, so you can click here to read the whole thing. Below are just a few quotes.

On why he won't marry St. Angie right this second:
“I have love in my life, a soul mate—absolutely. When someone asked me why Angie and I don’t get married, I replied, ‘Maybe we’ll get married when it’s legal for everyone else.’ I stand by that, although I took a lot of flak for saying it—hate mail from religious groups. I believe everyone should have the same rights. They say gay marriage ruins families and hurts kids. Well, I’ve had the privilege of seeing my gay friends being parents and watching their kids grow up in a loving environment.”

On Prop 8:
"It's ridiculous that Prop 8 took away gay people's right to marry! I have no understanding of that kind of hatred. Maybe it's fear of difference or of the unknown. If you feel belittled, maybe you need someone else to belittle to feel powerful. It's the only way I know how to explain it. You've got religion telling you what to think about homosexuality, about marriage. They say homosexuality is a choice, a lifestyle, something you can be cured of, and that isn't true. But if you're tucked away and have no friends who are gay, you'll believe what the preachers say. Just think of it in terms of being in love--how would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't be with the person you loved?"

On spiritual stuff:
"I grew up in a Christian community and for me the positive thing was that once a week, on Sundays, we focused on bigger issues. But the negative to me is that it was very stifling in the end because it was about what you can't do. Now, Christians will argue, 'That's not true.' To me, I just found Christianity to be, 'Don't do this, don't do that.'"

On France:
"There's real value in the quality of life in France. They've got a great healthcare system, great education. The Lycee Francaise is a bilingual international school that works for us because we can plug the kids into the school program even if we are off doing a movie somewhere, like London or New York. Most places have a Lycee program.

On smoking the good shit in the olden days:
“I liked to smoke a bit of grass at the time, and I became very sheltered. Then I got bored. I was turning into a damn doughnut, really. So I moved as far away from that as I could. I was done. In Missouri, where I come from, we don’t talk about what we do—we just do it. If we talk about it, it’s seen as bragging.”

On the grotto behind the waterfall in his L.A. house:
"It is a great place for sex."

Okay, can you really picture the pristine St. Angie of today wet humping on Brad behind a waterfall? Old Angie, yes. New Angie, no. Besides, if her skinny ass rubs against rocks, it would probably start a damn fire!

And here's a few pictures of Benjamin Button looking a little constipated while posing by himself and with a dog friend. Also, is it just me or does he kind of have STAINS' eyes in the cover picture? Cuuuuuuuupcakes!

Ricky Martin is the father of twinsies, born via a leased baby oven, and today he Twittered a picture of one of his babeh's first baths! Sweet. But it looks tiring. Do you really have to hold the baby AND pour a plastic cup full of water over their head at the same time? Ugh. I'd rather just fill that cup with vodka and go have a DRANK somewhere quiet. Hmmm...I wonder if baby shampoo makes a good mixer?

Pedobear's partner in creepiness, Mark McLeod, was arrested again for stalking Miley Cyrus on the set of her movie in Georgia. This is the same skeezemeister who claimed he was going to make Miley his child bride and he knew they were meant to be together, because she sent him several "secret messages" through the TV screen.

When Mark was arrested for the first time in June, the cops told him to stay away from Miley. Mark didn't listen and he was caught hanging around the set yesterday. TMZ says the cops got a warrant and slipped his wrists into a pair of handcuffs. Mark even admitted that he was there to get closer Miley. He's currently marinating his nastiness in a jail cell.

You know, this dude needs an abuelita in his life. An abuelita who will beat out those "secret messages" in his head by whooping him with a switch and slapping him in the mouth with her chanklita. Dude will be begging the police to lock his ass up after a few hours in abuelita's cage of death. In a death match with abuelita, he won't even be able to get one hit in. That's the truth. And that's what what he needs.

After he rumbles with abuelita, they should send him to THE FARM.

Spokeswhores for both Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer tell People that the two are going to go down the aisle, kiss in front of a preacher and do all that wedding stuff, because they are engaged. I hope that when they are pronounced vampire and telepath, Stephen turns to everyone and declares, "Sookeh iz mahn!" And then Sookie will sigh and say, "Awwww Beeehl." Seriously, their Southern accents are the best. By the "best," I mean the worst. Anyway.....

27-year-old Anna and 39-year-old Stephen first met on the set of True Blood. They somehow fell in love between filming scenes of them making fake bloody love to each other. Their reps say they started dating on February 24th (SO EXACT!).

Stephen has two children from another relationship. There's been a few rumors that Stephen dropped his old piece to pick up Anna. If that's the case, come on down, Anna! Sienna Miller would like to proudly welcome you into the Bull Dozer Vagina Club!

P.S. - Doesn't Stephen Moyer look totally differenct without his face covered in white flour, translucent foundation (shade: Nicole Kidman) and geisha snot?

After SamRo finished having lunch with some of her friends yesterday, she shuffled on over to the parking and who did she run into?! Why it was none-other-than Stalker McStalky herself, HoHan!

Yup, she was just happened to be sitting in her car with The Police's "Every Breath You Take" blasting from her stereo, a pair of binoculars lying in her lap, a wig on her head, a pair of sunglasses on her face and a trench coat over her shoulders. Oh, you know HoHan just likes to spend her afternoons sitting in random parking lots for fun.

The two exchanged a few words and then SamRo rushed off to the nearest police station/tattoo parlor to get a restraining order permanently inked on her forehead. And later in the day, HoHan knew some shit was up so she busted into LAX with The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and the two got out of town! The end.

Everyone's favorite cat lady with a voice like a magical hummingbird got a tiny little makeover for a spread in Harper's Bazaar. This was Susan Boyle's first big interview with a magazine and she didn't mind getting make-up slathered on her voice or fancy clothes thrown on her body. But Susan said she's not going to go on the HoHan diet or get a blonde weave nest glued to her head anytime soon. Susan said, "Maybe I'll consider a makeover later on. For now I'm happy the way I am -- short and plump. I would not go in for Botox or anything like that. I'm content with the way I look. What's wrong with looking like Susan Boyle? What's the matter with that?"

Absolutely nothing! And I can see that Susan spent a little more time with the tweezer. While I was a fan of her woolly mammoth brows, I am glad that she realized how important eyebrow care is. It's important!

Susan also she was a little shocked after becoming the Queen of YouTube for a minute, "YouTube? What's that? A tube of candy? I don't think so! That was a shock. The YouTube thing was like a demolition ball. "It was just overwhelming -- to find TV stations camped outside your door and the phone ringing 24 hours a day," continues the singer, who briefly checked into a clinic in London after losing the show. "It was good. But overwhelming. It was too big for anyone to handle."

Susan's comment on YouTube reminds my ass of what my mother said the first time we talked about that shit. I was telling her about something I saw on YouTube and she said, "YouTube?! Is that some kind of sex thing?!"

Who is looking oh-so-sessy in shorty shorts? - Holy Moly!

Adrianne Curry (that reality trick who married a Brady and spazzes out on MySpace) is in a bikini - Egotastic!

RPattz just fell in love with Gwen Stefani - Hollywood Tuna

Kate Moss and Kate Mulder are on a boat. And they're topless (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Javier Bardem and Penny Cruz might have made a baby. WWSHCS (What would Salma Hayek's chichis say?) - Just Jared

Does this mean Jennifer Aniston is going to sing!? Ears will cry - Lainey Gossip

Before he became half of the holy union, Brad Pitt used to smoke weed with crazy ass Juliette Lewis off Melrose - Hollywood Rag

Brace yourselves, because this might shock you: Jude Law's baby mama is a famewhore - Celebitchy

Fill in the Fist! Tommy, put your panties back on, it's not that kind of game - Cityrag

Leighton Meester claims that the feet on the peen don't belong to her! - Popsugar

How dare that Olsen troll talk shit about Our Lady of Cheetos! Only we can do that! - I'm Not Obsessed

Cupid on Charmed is the resident gay on Melorse Place - Towleroad

Pretty Betty - SOW

The dude The Bachelorette picked is a slut - ICYDK

During the first few seconds of this clip, I thought to myself, "Hmmm...In my circle, you can get yourself a free lunch at Olive Garden with facial moves like that." And then it all went dark from there.... My window shades closed by themselves, every door in my apartment locked itself and my cell phone rang, but there wasn't a voice on the other end. It was just static and moaning. The Grim Reaper and I will be skipping down the tunnel to Hell in about 7 days. Great.

VIA Everything Is Terrible (of course!)

Titty time! So there's a few pictures going around that is supposedly Vanessa Hudgens with her Disney balloons out again. Yes, Vanessa Hudgens does this sort of thing, but how else is she supposed to pass her time while Zac Efron spends hours in the bathroom partaking in a little bronzer bukkake? I mean, she has a camera phone and she has tittays, so why not! Although, I do feel like I've seen more of her nipples than Zac Efron has. Actually, I probably have. Technically.

If Zac sees these new pictures of Vanessa's Mickey Mouse ears, he'll have the giggles for hours.

Anyway, (NSFW) CLICK HERE to see a few pictures of what might be Vanessa Hudgens doing it Disney-style. Git it, bitch! Make Donald Duck's beak puckah!

UPDATE: Image and link removed and replaced with a picture of her sessy ass father.

TMZ is saying that when Paula Abdul announced on her Twatter that she is not returning to American Idol next season, she was basically handing in her resignation. The producers still thought they were in negotiations with Vicodin's forever girl. Basically, Paula quit a job via Twitter. The internet has gone too far.

Apparently, Paula, who made around $2 million last season, asked for a 500% raise. Paula didn't feel loved by the producers when she read that Gaycrest was getting $45 million for 3 years and Simon was getting $100 million per year. When she asked for $20 million, the producers laughed until they queefed and then countered with $10 million. Instead of countering back, Paula decided to Tweet her farewell and the producers took that as her official bow. A couple of hours later, they issued a statement confirming that the crazy has left the building for good. And this morning, the stock for Vicodin hit the sky, because everyone knew where Paula was heading....

This is not the end of Paula on American Idol! I can't wait to see the look on those whore's faces when Paula comes skipping into auditions disguised as a 14-year-old girl named "Skaterina Kat" wearing her outfit from Junior High School: THE MOVIE. We're goooona have a paaaartaaaaaaay!

Oh, Paula, you'll always have the golden ticket (aka a blank prescription pad) to my HEART!

Image VIA Woman's Day