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In case you missed it, here's Kanye West proving that he hates Taylor Swift people. While the adorable little mouse known as Taylor Swift was trying to accept her award for Best Female Video, Gay Fish stomped on stage, snatched the mic out of her hand and declared that Beyonce should've won that shit! Just like that, millions of FUCK YOU KANYE groups were born on Facebook.

YES, Kanye West took a mic from a baby! Bitch is running himself right out of this town. Seriously, when Kanye gets back to his MacBook Air, his CAPS LOCK key will be long gone. Even that bitch won't be a part of his fuckery even more. And Jon Gosselin is standing by to gladly hand over his used tampon tiara (made by Ed Hardy, of course) to Kanye West and crown him the new Douchebag of the Millennium.

Beyonce had a look on her face like "I DON'T KNOW THAT BITCH." You know that look. It's the same look your mama gives you when you get drunk and act the fool at family reunions.

At the end of the show, Beyonce won Video of the Year and instead of giving a speech, she invited Taylor Swift out to "finish her moment." Daddy Knowles is good! Suddenly, Beyonce has gone from Sasha Fierce to Saint Fierce.

Sasha Fierce will be the recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize for this shit.

If your tongue will not be permanently attached to the TV screen for the True Blood season finale tonight, then grab a bong, bottle or both and suffer with me through the MTV VDAs. Hopefully, Courtney Love woke up from her daily coma and will attack everyone with a compact. EVERYONE. The drunkbonging fun starts at 9pm EST in the magical window below:

Yesterday, Megan Fox was slapitty slap slapped by 3 crew members on the Transformers movies in an open letter posted on Michael Bay's website. The crew members called her a dumb bitch who is ungrateful and doesn't want to see the pyramids of Egypt. Or something like that.

Today, Michael Bay, who probably wrote that smackdown himself after crying in a hot shower because Megan called him "Hitler," took down the open letter. In its place, Michael posted this:

"I don’t condone the crew letter to Megan. And I don’t condone Megan’s outlandish quotes. But her crazy quips are part of her crazy charm. The fact of the matter I still love working with her, and I know we still get along. I even expect more crazy quotes from her on Transformers 3."

And in Michael Bay-talk "crazy," means "dumb, slutty and bitchy." And by "working with her," he means "jacking off to the footage from the hidden camera he placed in her trailer."

If the Spearmint Rhino strip club ever plans to put on a slutty Ice Capades version of Barbarella, then they have found the perfect ensemble needed to realize their vision thanks to Lily Allen. Lily Allen wore something that looks like it was originally a homemade wind chime in a nail salon while performing at the Bestival in the Isle of Wight yesterday.

You know, I'm all for showing off those pectorals and whoring it up, but this is not the way to do it. I mean, bitch is wearing nail files as a skirt. If she had a pumice stone between her ass cheeks and a tube of cuticle cream up her cooze, she could give you a pedicure on the spot.

If you're thinking to yourself that Lily must be on the wrong stuff if she's dressing like this, you might be right. In an interview with GQ (via Daily Mail), Lily said, "I think as long as you're not being malicious and you're not hurting people then you should not be ashamed of what you do. I've taken drugs. I found them and find them fun and I don’t think I’m a bad person because of it. I know a lot of guys in bands who go to awards ceremonies and get into the same sort of states that I get myself into, and that's not negatively reported on. So it feels kind of unjust."

While I co-sign most of that statement, I will say that Lily should stop dressing while under the influence, because fuggery like this happens.

Since Sean Penn and Robin Wright's marriage is officially headed for the guillotine (for real this time), he can finally show off his shiny pieces out in public! Sean no longer has to bump it on the down low in hotel rooms or his dealer's bathroom (you know how he does it).

On Friday night in NYC, 49-year-old Sean took 25-year-old Sports Illustrated model Jessica White out to dinner. There's been a rumor that the two are partaking in sexy time activities together and this pretty much confirms it.

Hopefully, Jessica is just using Sean for the dick and the bad shit. Sean is not the type you want to get into a long-term situation with. Just bump, blow and bounce.

This is Susan Boyle's first single off of her upcoming debut album "Cat Ladies Do It Better." SuBo blows her hummingbird voice all over the Rolling Stones' song "Wild Horses." Personally, I wish she would've switched it up a bit by changing the lyrics to "Wild Eyebrows," but that's just me.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Parts of it makes my soul wants to cuddle up with a faux fur and sip on Chamomile tea while watching a tear-inducing Lifetime movie starring Melissa Gilbert. But the other parts of it are making my ear hair sweat (I'm getting it trimmed today, OK!).

I'll have plenty of opportunities to completely analyze this shit, because I have a feeling it will be played at every Walgreens, in every elevator and at every single gay wedding. Prepare yourself.

And here's the most FAMOUS woman in the world taking Los Angeles by storm yesterday. SuBo will perform at the finale for America's Got Talent this week. Check your local listings, because there's a bong calling my name and I can't be bothered to look up when exactly that shit is airing.

In case you missed it, here's Serena Williams doing the Dlisted mating call at the US Open semi-finals last night.

When the line judge called a foot-fault on Serena's second serve, she flipped the cunt switch, stormed over to the tiny little Asian woman and reportedly said something along the lines of: "I swear to God, I'm going to take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat." If was the judge, I'd immediately start playing with my nipples while wiggling my tongue at Serena, because in my circle that is a pick-up line! Don't threaten me with a good time, Serena! Feed me your huevo!

But the line judge didn't take it that way and she immediately went off to tattle-tale. Apparently, the line judge said Serena threatened to kill her ass.

Because of Serena's bitchburst, she was given a second code warning causing her to lose the match and the semi-finals to Kim Clijsters.

Now, I don't know anything about the rules of tennis, but I do know everything about the rules of bitchery and Serena followed every single one of them! Fuck this "1-love" shit. Give me more "1-I'LL SHOVE THIS FUCKING BALL DOWN YOUR THROAT" shit!

And at the press conference following the match, Serena stayed true to her bitch moves and didn't offer up an "I'm Sowwy." That's right. The line judge should apologize to Serena for turning down her piping hot offer. RUDE.

VIA ONTD

Lasagna Cat - This pussy right here is like Spaghetti Cat on steroids. Humphrey of North London doesn't even mess with that puny ass spaghetti crap. Humphrey is hardcore when it comes to his Italian cuisine. Apparently, Humphrey is a real-life Garfield who will only eat lasagna and nothing else.

Yeah, I know it looks like he'll eat anything that's covered with meat sauce, but his owner swears lasagna is the only food item that touches his precious lips. Humphrey's owner said, "For a week he wouldn't eat anything I gave him. But a few days later I cooked some more lasagna and he came running. I have no children - he is my baby and if it's lasagna that he wants then it's lasagna he will get."

And now let's bow our heads and say a small prayer for his tortured litter box. You know that thing has been through some serious shit.

VIA Metro (For Judy)

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