Well, this is a hard one. The summer of death has taken yet another piece of my 80s childhood, because Patrick Swayze has jazz walked all the way to heaven where there are no corners. :(
Patrick died of pancreatic cancer today. He was only 57. Patrick's rep issued this statement:
"Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months."
I need to thank Patrick for The Outsiders, Road House (YES!), Ghost, Point Break, To Wong Foo and of course, the masterpiece of all masterpieces Dirty Dancing. Seriously, I wore my VHS copy of that OUT.
Rest in peace, Patrick. Nobody did it like you.
And now I must go choreograph a dance tribute to "She's Like The Wind."
Drew Barrymore went to the TIFF premiere of her movie Whip It looking crazier than a Courtney Love tweet. This what bees look like when you drop acid. But you know, it works for her.
Even though her hair looks like a dirty broom that was used to clean the chimney, I don't hate HATE it. Yes, I've been eating a lot of sugar.
And Drew better have used a Sharpie to paint that black stripe on her mop or I'll take back everything I just typed!
Lil' Mama issued a statement through her favorite cashier at Western Union (because you know she doesn't have a publicist) about stage crashing Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' performance at the VMAs last night. Eye roll like you give an eff:
"I did not mean any disrespect towards Jay-Z or Alicia Keys. I admire them and look up to them as role models. 'Empire State of Mind' had my emotions running high. In that moment I came up onstage to celebrate my two icons singing about NY."
The thing is, I'm one of the only dumb bitches who actually cared and noticed this, so Lil' Mama issued this statement to let everybody know she was the fool on that stage. Most people figured either: a) Kanye West left his ego (who just happens to be a pre-op gremlin) on stage or b) Lady CaCa's hermie peen was on the loose again.
And Lil' Mama's excuse is that she was high on emotions? Is "emotions" the new street name for meth?
Okay, not a "world-class" athlete, but she is a "Malibu-class" athlete, because she completed a triathlon there this past weekend. When Teri Snatcher crossed the finish line, her mom, The Snapple Lady, immediately gave her a congratulatory nuzzle. Or maybe Teri smelled like a tuna melt and her momma was trying to get a good whiff. Who knows!
Other celebwhores who took part in the Malibu Triathlon were William H. Macy (who was there for an Emmy), Mario Lopez (who was there because he needed another excuse to take his top off), Jeremy Piven (who was there for the fish) and The Hoff (who was there for the...for the...why was he there?).
And I'm pleased to announce that next year I will host the first annual Dlisted triathalon! Booze, bong and blow your way to victory!
There are some tattoos that you just want to lick and rub your nipples on (ADMIT IT). And there are some that you just want to hiss at and throw holy water at it. Ed Westwick's new tattoos fall under the latter category.
Ed posted pictures of two ENORMOUS ink skidmarks he got on each arm. One is a feather, which I'm guessing means he's light as feather (gay) and stiff as a board (always horny for peen). The other tattoo is a half-nekkid pin-up which is Ed's way of saying "I LOVES VAGINAZ." Yup, doesn't work. Especially when the look on his face is saying, "PUT A DICK ON MY FOREHEAD."
This afternoon, Kanye gave his CAPS-LOCK key the day off (or maybe it quit ass) and posted this second "I iz sowwy" to Taylor. This time he brought Ben Stiller and Robert DeNiro into it (???????). Since Kanye is such a fan of Meet the Fockers, how he about he recreate a pivotal scene with Taylor? He can be the Fockers' dog and she can be the evil pussy. FLUSH!
And seriously, we get it already, Kanye. YOU ARE TRULY SORRIES. From now on, just raise your hand whenever you want to speak. Yeah, we gotta go back to kindergarten. It's like that.
It was inevitable: The Gay Fish/Obama remix - Buzzfeed
Pinch my peen-hole, Mischa Barton actually looks good - Hollywood Tuna
A refugee from Gayken's glitter hole - Towleroad
Elton John can't buy the Ukranian baby of his dreams - Popeater
The only dumb dumb who would wear a "Paris Hilton" t-shirt - Popsugar
So, I guess Hustler still isn't returning Adrianne Curry's calls - Egotastic!
It's amazing what a fetus skin transplant can do - Just Jared
Amber Rose is a robotcat (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Squinty & B.Coop: The fakery continues! - Lainey Gossip
Pete Wentz's low-budget Lady CaCa ensemble - Hollywood Rag
Men Who Stares At Nipples - Cityrag
Avenue Q will live on - SOW
Yaaaaay for Tina Fey - Celebitchy
Shakira and Pink showed up in the same janky dress. What are the chances? - ICYDK
Mischa Barton's dogs must be named Valium and Percocet - Socialite Life
Subo rides Dumbo - Holy Moly!
Mr. Big is engaged - I'm Not Obsessed
Birth Name: ?
Original Date of HS of the Day: September 6, 2009
Claim to Fame: Grace was a model-type in the olden days, but her career got cut short after she was involved in a serious car crash. After she got fixed back up, she started at the bottom of the barrel at Vogue UK. Now, she's the Creative Director of Vogue US. She's also thee star of that September Issue documentary.
Where is she now? Hopefully, shanking that turtle woman Anna Wintour with her eyes or talking trash about her in the break room.
Why is she HS of the Week? Because Anna Wintour doesn't scare her ass. And because she's a natural ginge. And AND because she might be part Klingon.
Maybe Sylvester Stallone's eyebrows and his hairline (is that a lacefront?) have been in a long-distance relationship for a while now and are looking to finally be together. Just a few more lifts and his eyebrows will soon be making out with his hairline. Don't you love a good love story?
Anyway, people are talking about Sly Stallone's Mickey Rourke-like mug (complete with lift scars) which he showed off at the Venice Film Festival the other day. Yes, it looks like Sly's plastic surgeon operated with his feet, but Sly is just trying to look his gorgeously stunning mother Jackie. Do you blame him? LOOK AT HER BEAUTIFUL FACE (Warning: Don't if you are currently suffering from stomach issues). Who wouldn't want to look like a fully-embalmed Michael Meyers?
It took her long enough, but the check bouncing queen of The Real Housewives of Atlanta finally hit NYC Fashion Week and showed a line of actual clothes. Now, before you fart about how Sheree doesn't know dick about fashion, you should know that she spent about 25-minutes sketching these creations herself on Fashion Plates. BAM. Who gonna check me boo?
But unfortunately, it looks like Shit By Sheree is tardy to the trend party, because half of these clothes could have been found discarded on the dressing room floor of a Wet Seal in 2002. Cut to Dwight clutching his pearl necklace (sexy) and cooing, "How dreeeeeeaaadful."
P.S. - Yes, that is Sheena, the flexible hoochie, from ANTM in thumbnail #4. How did Sheree afford her? Hopefully, Sheena knows all about Sheree's trampoline checks and made the dude pay her in cash.