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This adorable Benjamin Button baby should reverse the trend of grown-ups slapping children by backhanding Peter Andre in the face. Baby won't be arrested for it. In fact, the Queen would probably knight him. And you can tell by the look on baby's face that he really wants to punch Peter in the face. Or maybe he just has gas. Peter tends to bring that out in a person.

Here's more of Peter getting tan grease on a little baby while signing copies of his new CD in Essex, England the other day.

I don't have a picture of the child slappin' villain of this story, but he probably has the same kind of permanent "I HATE EVERYTHING" look on his face as this grouchy pepaw who whooped a kid at Wal-Mart, so this will work! Now on to the story.

Yet another grown ass adult is in trouble for bringing his hand down on the face of a stranger's child in public. And this dude tops them all, because he allegedly slapped an autistic child. The devil cackles!

76-year-old Frank Teverbaugh, a local hero and high school coach in Richland, WA, is due in court next week to answer to charges of misdemeanor assault after he allegedly swore and hit a 7-year-old autistic boy outside of the library. Apparently, the boy was in the middle of a major tantrum while he was being led out of the library by his caretaker. The boy's mother was right behind them when she says she witnessed Frank approach her son and shout "Shut the fuck up!" before backhanding him in the face.

The boy wasn't the one to eff with, so he hit Frank back. At that point, Frank hit the boy a second time giving him a bloody nose. The boy's mother finally ran up to Frank and told him her son was autistic. Frank replied, "I don't give a rat's ass!" and stormed off. The boy's mother tried to call the police, but was told to go down to the station file a report which she did. Later that day, a police officer visited Frank and he received an assault citation.

Frank claims that the boy hit him hard first and he responded by "only" hitting him in the "fanny." He said he never slapped the boy in the face. Frank went on to say, "I don't know why I did it. He hit me pretty good. I was surprised a boy that small would hit has hard as he could. That is the truth."

Do we need to start sending old grouchy people back to pre-school so that they can learn to keep their hands to themselves? DAMN. It's not hard! If a child hits you, call 911, have them arrested, testify at their trial and laugh as the judge sentences them to life in prison. Do not hit them back!

I mean, I've been slapped by a dozen kids (e-mail me for their addresses to send them thank you gifts) and I always respond by removing myself from the situation. This is exactly why bongs were invented. If a child whoops you, pick up a bong and you'll forget all about it in a quick second. I bet if the good shit was legalized fuckery like this wouldn't happen as often.

Source (Thanks Amy)

This up and coming actress chills out in her trailer in between takes. She listens to some music, chats on her phone, and pops bag after bag of microwave popcorn. She doesn’t actually eat the popcorn. Rather, she uses it to cover up the scent of another relaxing activity that involves herbal inhalation. If you’d like to join her, it’s easy to discuss it in public, i.e. “Hey, do you have any microwave popcorn in your trailer?” Yes, sweetie, everyone on the set knows. (Blind Gossip)

K to the Stewart? If you ever ask her for microwave popcorn and she gives you actual microwave popcorn, you can shank me.

So, a reality star, a designer and an actress walk into a bar. No, not into a bar actually, but it sounds much better that way. They actually just walked backstage at a show. The female reality star who has a huge history of drug problems did some coke and passed it around. The designer who was just about to show their collection, did four lines back to back to back to back, and then passed it along to our C list television actress with B list name recognition on a VERY hit show. Our actress spilled a little on her dress and when trying to brush it off, rubbed it in so took off her dress and stood there naked while she did some lines on a make up table. She then put back on the dress and joined the reality star back out front. (CDAN)

Jill Zarin, Joan Rivers and Diane Von Furstenberg?! Okay, maybe not.

Which two pop stars made sweet music on Sunday night after the gal gave the guy a private lap dance? Hope his longtime girlfriend doesn't find out. (Gatecrasher)

Justin Timberlake and RiRi? Or Vadge and Joe Jonas? Hey, anything is possible and Baby Jesus is getting a little old.

According to sources (aka all the Kardashian skanks), Khloe Kardashian is going to marry L.A. Lakers player Lamar Odom, who she has been dating for approximately 15-seconds. Sources confirm the news to People, E! and UsWeekly. The latter claims they will be married in about two weeks once they get the OK from the state of California that a human man and a beast can legally marry.

The source said, "Khloe and Lamar want to get married before Lamar has to go away for training, and the season starts up. They are hoping to pull together a wedding within the next two weeks so they can get married and have time for a honeymoon. They haven't decided where they will say 'I Do,' but they are scouting out numerous locations, including Khloe's family home in Calabasas, CA."

The marriage will be the first for both. Lamar currently has a 10-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son with a former girlfriend. They also had a second son together who passed away from SIDS a few years ago.

Okay, Khloe and Lamar have been dating a little longer than 15-seconds. Apparently, they've been rubbing peens for a few weeks now. This worries me. Does this mean Khloe is currently housing a beast baby in her stomach?! NOOOO! It's the end of the world as we know it. Once Khloe pops out her BABY!!!, it will leap from her vag and wreak havoc on the entire world. Doomed.

And do we really need another knocked Kardashian yap-yap-yapping about everything from her pregnant queefs to the fact that doesn't even really know how babies are made.

What in the Billy Idol tranny wreck hell is Peenk wearing?! (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Kim Kardassian doing what she does best, being a fameho in a two-piece - Egotastic!

Emma B is giving Jodie Marsh a run for her slut trash money - Hollywood Tuna

Charlize Theron won't ruin her life by getting married until the gays can too - Towleroad

Needs more Eric...or Randie Sue - Lainey Gossip

Miley Cyrus wearing Noah's church dress to Divas Live last night - Popsugar

Naleigh Kelley already looks like she's over this shit - Just Jared

The most anticipated cinematic event of this and next century - Hollywood Rag

Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. - Cityrag

Avril Lavigne confirms what none of you really cared about in the first place - Celebitchy

In my neighborhood, that stack of cash Liv Tyler is carrying around would be the sticky hands of some quick crackie by now - ICYDK

LeAnn Rimes from homewrecker to carwrecker - Socialite Life

The only true diva at Divas Live last night - Popbytes

Vanessa Hudgens must have been sniffing too much of Zac Efron's concealer, because bitch is delusional - Holy Moly!

All the single robobabies! - I'm Not Obsessed

Brad Pitt arrived in San Sebastian, Spain today for the film festival there with Benji's multi-colored ass bush on his face. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a good beard. During fuck times, it can exfoliate the skin between your nalgas. But Brad's beard is a completely a different story.

Pepaw needs to take a Flowbee to that mess, because it's getting a little too wild. It makes me think about what his crotch area must be like. It's probably like the second coming of the Amazon down there. It's a good thing St. Angie's vagina can cut through almost any wooded area.

That being said, I'd still hit it while watching Thelma & Louise.

Marilyn Manson shuffled around Toronto last night wearing his newest weight-loss invention. Marilyn pulled a pair of fishnets over his head so that his mouth would be blocked from swallowing up pies whole.

Unfortunately, MM spotted a delicious red velvet cake and immediately tore through the fishnet so he could devour it whole. That explains why his mouth area looks like it lost a battle between Parasite Hilton's deadly puss-o-war.

Here's more of Marilyn trapped in a net with his girlfriend Isani Griffith.

On second thought, NeNe's open meat locker isn't exactly Mah Boo Anderson Cooper's cup of peen, I mean cup of tea, so he probably didn't giggle over this one.

Anycastersemencrotch, on last night's episode of The Real Broke Hos of Atlanta, NeNe unveiled all of the alter-ego photos Derek Blanks took of the housewives. The plan was for the poortraits (typo-ed on purpose) to be unveiled inside of a rented big fancy mansion, but since the real housewives were involved, they were all evicted from the house and forced on to the driveway. NO. They had to present the pictures outside, because one of Kim's bootleg Louboutin heels broke while she was trying to cross the tightrope. AHAHAHA! Bitch went down. Unfortunately, her road kill wig didn't try to jump off while it had the chance.

Kim was forced to tend to her wounds in her SUV while everyone oooh-ed and coooo-ed around her. You know, Kim needs to learn the difference between hurt moans and fuck moans, because her groaning sounded like Big Poppa was pinching her ass lips with his teeth. My genitals do not need to be exposed to that image!

And here's the rest of the alter-ego pictures. We have:

Kandi as a drunk driver and her victim
Kim as a Stepford corpse and as a mistress whore corpse
Lisa as Adina Howard and as Tootie from Facts of Life
Nene as Shaq in drag and as Shaq in drag
Sheree as a biological woman and as a biological man

All hope for Halle Berry to name her rumored new baby Simba has been thrown out the window, because she has declared that her womb currently has a NO VACANCY sign on it. On Jay Leno last night, Halle denied the rumor that she's pregnant with her second baby friend.

When Jay told Halle that she looked terrific, she responded with: "You know, thank you for that, Jay, because that must mean that pregnancy rumors can be put to bed! I was getting a complex! Because I was like, I've got to stop with the burgers or something!"

Wait. Is Halle implying that knocked up chicks don't look "terrific"? Halle better brace her inbox for a flurry of e-mails from the mommy-to-be mafia. I've been e-slapped by them before and they don't play. Blame it on the fetus kicking their insides.

Amy Wino spent hours in the dentist chair yesterday (she showed up for the nitrous), so what better way to dull the pain and dirty up your teefs again than boozing until your eyeballs roll to the back of your head? There's no better way. And that's exactly what Wino did last night with her friend/ex-boyfriend Tyler James.

Usually, a Wino night out ends in tears, bloodshed, broken light bulbs, dead paps and dozens of burnt pieces of aluminum foil, but none of that happened yesterday. So yay for Wino, boo for us.

And back to that Tyler James dude, Wino told a fan that he's her new boyfriend. Before I approve of this let me stick my head out the window and scream, "TYYYYYYYYYYYLER" to see if it has the same beautiful ring as, "BLAAAAAAAKE."