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On Oprah tomorrow, Mackenzie Phillips is supposed to drop an OMGWTFIDIEWHYWHY family secret. Well, the secret is out and it is definitely all sorts of fucked up. You might want to clear your throat and wash your eyes out with holy water before, after and during.

In her new tell-all book High on Arrival, Mackenzie says that she had sex with her father, John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas. California Nightmarin'!!!!!!!!!!!

49-year-old Mackenzie said that she would do the bad shit with her father all the time. In fact, John, who died in 2001, shot Mackenzie up with heroin for the first time. And on the night before her wedding to Jeff Sessler in 1979, her dad tried to stop her from marrying his ass. Mackenzie writes, "I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything too. Eventually I passed out on Dad's bed. My father was not a man with boundaries. He was full of love, and he was sick with drugs. I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father. Had this happened before? I didn't know. All I can say is it was the first time I was aware of it. For a moment I was in my body, in that horrible truth, and then I slid back into a blackout."

The following year continued to be a fucked up time for Mackenzie. She was fired from One Day at a Time for being addicted to the bad shit and she went to rehab with her father. Mackenzie says their sexual relationship became "consensual." She went on to write, "I was a fragment of a person, and my secret isolated me. One night Dad said, 'We could just run away to a country where no one would look down on us. There are countries where this is an accepted practice. Maybe Fiji.' He was completely delusional. No, I thought, we're going to hell for this."

If this isn't an anti-drug ad, I don't know what is. But Mackenzie said that we shouldn't "hate" her father for this. Too late. According to Mackenzie, the dude introduced her to heroin and forced/manipulated her into a sexual relationship with him. So not only is this an anti-drug ad, but it's an anti-John Phillips ad too.

What would Schneider say?!?!

VIA People

This time it's a two-headed cow! Really, I can't!

People says that Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. have a brand new BABY!!! friend they named Charlotte Grace Prinze. The name is actually normal and purdy-sounding, but then they just had to go there. Oh, yes. Their rep said this: "The family is over the moon."

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Why the hell are they taking Baby Charlotte over a giant bare ass when she just got to Earth?! You aren't supposed to travel that soon. Read your parenting books, Sarah Michelle and Freddie!

But if you must throw your asses over the moon, I'm sure Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo will gladly watch Baby Charlotte while you're away. They owe you for dragging you into the giant mess that was Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed.

Kirk Cameron, the star of my favorite comedy movie of '08 Fireproof, has once again climbed to the top of the internet mountain to shout about evolution...or something. In a video he posted on his website, Kirk went on and on about how Darwin hated vagina and was a total racist. Kirk even claims that Darwin's "Origin of Species" inspired Hitler. Yup, the entire Seaver family just put him on the curb.

Kirk and the "Banana Guy" will travel to college campuses to hand out a new 50-page introduction for the "Origin of Species." Unfortunately, Kirk didn't say Boner would be joining them on the tour. Because if he was, I'd totally drop my dildo to be there.

After Kirk's video made it around the internet and back, a Romanian girl posted a response where she calls him a "ssssssssssnake!" Homegirl spanks Kirk as if he was a screaming 2-year-old in the Salvation Army! Anybody who looks like they teleported directly from 1990 has my vote. Every time.

VIA Jezebel

Why didn't I see this coming? This is a picture I never knew I always wanted, but I really did always want it. If that doesn't make any sense, blame it on my one working brain cell trembling while trying to process this picture of greatness.

During NeNe's meeting of the famewhores with fellow Real Housewife Gretchen Rossi, they got a visit from street ROYALTY! Quween on the Scene sniffed out the "posarassi" and got in NeNe's shot. That's not the only thing she took from NeNe. Notice how Quween is reaching around to NeNe's backside. Quween knows that NeNe keeps her crisp bills between her luscious ham cheeks. SNATCH! That's exactly why she's with the Quween!

TMZ says that K-WellFed is trying to drop the chunk on the new season of Vh1's Celebrity Fit Club along with his original baby mama Shar Jackson, Nicole Eggert and Bobby Brown. Yes, KFed and Bobby Brown in the same cast. Hell to the BARF! I really hope there are zero scenes involving Bobby Brown pushing out one of KFed's shamu-sized doody bubbles. Poopoono.

I'm guessing that the executives at McDonald's, Arby's, Church's, KFC, Taco Bell and (insert the name of every single restaurant here) are plucking out their nipple hairs over this in an emergency meeting. Because if KFed is off the deliciousness, that means their stock will plummet and cheeseburgers will sit untouched under the heat lamps for daaaaaays. This is not what the economy needs right now.

At an Emmy Awards party on Sunday night, Chloe Sevigny and Jason Segel were spotted with their tongues down each other's throats. That's what E! claims anyway. When the two finally wiped the slobber off of their faces and realized hos were staring at them, they stopped. A few hours later, they left the party together and probably did The Brown Bunny somewhere else.

This is some weird shit. It would make more sense if you said Betty White and Jason Segel were doing each other on the sofa. Shit, Chloe Sevigny and Betty White scissoring each other in the bathroom wouldn't throw up a question mark over my head. But Chloe and Jason?! Did they pull out each other's keys from a hat or something? Weird.

But I don't blame Chloe, Jason is probably hung like a pug at the beach.

Terrence Howard is on a nationwide mission to make sure everyone keeps all our parts fresh and so clean! Terry has already preached about the importance of wiping your vagina with baby wipes, and now he's telling the city of Philadelphia to wash their hands.

I can't wait to see Terry's PSA for Febreezing your musty nuts and his infomercial for dipping your butter-covered peen in OxiClean.

So, the next time you decide to skip the sink, think of Terrence Howard and do the right thing. Besides, a giant douche would know all about hygiene.

Source VIA Best Week Ever (Thanks Callan)

Who's the homewrecking slut bitch with Mickey Rourke?! And I'm not talking about the piece in the dress - Holy Moly!

Are we sure AnnaLynne McCord isn't a long-lost Landers sister? - Popoholic

JLo will never be Tanya Turner - Lainey Gossip

Katy Perry is all went and getting her chichis rotated - Egotastic!

Okay, Holly Madison, it's time to stop dressing like a whorey 6-year-old - Hollywood Tuna

You really need to stop creeping in on Kellan Lutz while he's trying to take a piss - Popsugar

All of Nicolette Sheridan's bottoms must have been in the dirty laundry (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

OctoSana is full of shit - Popeater

Why don't they just throw us in boxes and ship us through the postal service? - Towleroad

6 beautiful words: Alexander Skarsgard in a tank top - Just Jared

Itty bitty Rambo - Cityrag

Speaking of itty bitties, here's Zac Posen with Mischa Barton at the opera - Socialite Life

In Scott Storch's defense, you'd have to be pretty coked up to meet the Hogans too - Hollywood Rag

Matt Damon is sick of getting on a plane when he wants to cuddle with Ben Affleck - I'm Not Obsessed

When Chaz Bono gets his first check, he should buy new sandals - Celebitchy

Jeff Probst is one to talk - SOW

How Kelly Osbourne dropped 14 pounds in 3 weeks. And no, it wasn't from the bad shit, lipo and laxatives...I think - ICYDK

Gretchen from The Real Housewives of Orange County and NeNe from The Real Housewives of Atlanta had lunch together in Beverly Hills where fake kissed in front of everyone. Suddenly, the health department showed up, slapped a grade: FAIL on the door and shut the joint down. And not because of NeNe or Gretchen, but because Slade Slimey's skeezy ass was there. Yes, Gretchen is still screwing on Slade for the sake of publicity. How dreadful.

And we can all co-sign the look on Greg's face in most of these pictures. Pepaw is not having fun. If they were giving out euthanizations on the street corner, he would've been the first in line!

Oh, so that's where Angie Dickinson's "Pepper Anderson" hair went! It swam across the Atlantic and took shelter on the head of Nicola Roberts from Girls Aloud. But let's push aside that delicious cotton candy ginge mop for a minute and focus on that opulent pasties blouse. This is definitely the look. Although, I feel for her nipple holes, because you know she had to slap some double-sided tape on them, so they wouldn't come out to play "peekanip." Poor things are probably suffocating..... But it's all in the name of elegance!