Pamela Anderson is broke down in more ways than one. Apparently, Pamela has the creditors knocking at her door and burning up her phone. Pammy is probably doing all the shit we do when the bill collectors come to get paid: hide in bushes, pretend not to know English and offer to lick their peen holes for payment.
According to Star Magazine, Pamela owes nearly $1.2 million to contractors for work they did on her Malibu mansion last year. They want their money! Jay Bruder of Bruder Construction said Pam owes his company $674k for "for labor and materials and subcontractors to remodel main house, construct foundations for guest house.” Jay added, “A lot of people are owed a lot of money." Jim Brown, whose company also worked on Pammy's house, said, “Putting food on the table isn’t easy in this economy. When someone doesn’t pay their bills, it’s that much harder!”
The California Franchise Tax Board is also waiting to see a check from Pamela for $252,360.
Pamela obviously isn't spending her hard-fucked cash on clothes, so all of her money must going to keep her eyebrow game in check. Having the eyebrows of a cholita villain who sometimes dabbles in meth during the twilight hours doesn't come cheap! I guess it's time for Pamela to hike up her roast beef hash curtains and leak another sex tape! I didn't mean that. OH GOD, I didn't mean that.
While Pamela's creditors can't feed their children, she's off in New Zealand debuting her new fashion line with Richie Richie. Um. We should all file a class-action copyright infringement lawsuit against Pammy for stealing our fashion designs from when we were 6-years old. We all wrapped a sheet ourselves and pretended it was a dress. If ho had a dime, she'd be hearing from my lawyers: Scooby Doo & Associates.
And they should have had six cranes holding up that bunk ass sheet dress, because if it dropped, hundreds of eyeballs would have DIED.
Fred and Sharon, the relationship experts and cinematic geniuses from Canada, have already handed down their words of wisdom to Jennifer Aniston and now they have some advice for Brangelina. They think Brad needs to smoke hashish in moderation and St. Angie needs to count to ten. I think Fred and Sharon got this one mixed up, because it's obvious those they don't smoke their hashish in moderation. I mean, Sharon eats hashish flakes for breakfast, obviously. What they really meant is that St. Angie needs to smoke more hashish until she finds it difficult to count to ten (SPOILER ALERT: 4 bowls).
And is it just me, or does the dragonfly Fred is flying on look suspiciously like St. Angie. I mean, it has wings!
You know that whole theory that every person you fuck, you're also fucking everyone who they fucked, and everyone who they fucked...etc...etc.. Well, a study done in Britain shows that the average dude and chick has done sexy times with around $2.8 million people both indirectly and directly.
6,000 British people were asked the approximate ages of each person they got down with. The data was compiled using an online calculator called the "Six Degrees of Separation." Click here to find out your number.
I tried to get my number, but it wouldn't go there. Does not compute. It's actually an accomplishment that I'm considered a slut even by mathematical standards. If you divide it by 5, cut it in half and throw a square root on it, I'm still a slut whore. This is a beautiful feeling. My mother will frame this and put it over her fireplace mantel.
If you broke the calculator with your extreme acts of slutiness too, I'll see you in quarantine where we'll all bump and screw so we can really break the system. YAY.
And if you're number is below 15 million, I can't even look at you anymore.
There's really nothing shocking about this since we've already been farted on by a Transformers movie and a G.I. Joe movie. So why not Barbie?! Variety reports that Universal Pictures and Mattel have decided to get into bed together and produce a movie starring everyone's favorite plastic tittied blonde (sorry, Kim Zolciak).
Apparently, this shit will be a live action movie. They are looking for writers now and trying to decide where to take the movie. Lawrence Mark, one of the producers, said, “Barbie may be the most popular girl in the world, and has always been a wonderfully aspirational figure, so we must do her proud."
All "Why?Why?Why?" comments aside, this could be an Oscar-winning role for a very lucky actress. The Barbie movie could get into some deep shit.
Think about it. It could start off being all about pink corvettes, rubber heels and pearl earrings. Then shit will get serious on Barbie and Ken's wedding night when they find out they don't have any goddamn genitals or nipples! Ken and Barbie will try to fuck, but they can't! Bitches can't even take a shit! That will fuck you up.
So Barbie and Ken fall into a deep depression which leads them into a dark world of drugs. Barbie and Ken grow more and more hateful towards the world, because everyone else has fuck parts but them. So they pick up strangers in bars promising them a wild night of sex, but what they really get is their genitals cut off by Barbie! If Barbie can't have a vagina, neither can you!
I'm telling you, Oscars all around!
RiRi has yet to take a black Sharpie to that peroxide disaster on top of her head. I've already put in a call to poison control to let them know that RiRi's hair might be suffering from a major Clorox overdose. In the meantime, let's talk about that shit shirt......
Unless RiRi is heading to a parking lot party outside of a Nascar race where she plans to down Old Milwaukee from a beer bong while rocking out to Warrant, that shit is not cute. I mean, does she think she's Jessie from Big Brother?! To think, that ensemble would have been extremely classy and elegant if she simply dumped that shirt in the garbage disposal and walked around in her satin bra. Sigh.
This engagement is fairly new, but I definitely smell trouble. This Golden Globe nominated/winner B list movie actress has been entertaining a fairly steady stream of men at her fiance's home. Her fiance is a B list television actor on a very hit show. He must know this is going on as our actress doesn't hide what she has been doing and with whom but our actor doesn't seem to care. (CDAN)
So, it seems like there's really only one guess: John Krasinski and Emily Blunt? And if he's fine with her passing that pussy, who cares? Share the love, share the peen, share the pussy, share it all!
Maybe he didn't want hos to know he was at the damn Cloudy with a Chance of Balls premiere? My guess is Andy Samberg or Will Forte?
Which dieting model shunned the London Fashion Week afterparty buffet table, instead opting for her own bespoke gourmet feast – crushed horse tranquiliser washed down with a litre of diet coke? She swears it quick fires her metabolism. Your extra clue: We wonder if her trendy on-off man knows his pretty girlfriend’s dark secret. (3am Girls)
Rhymes with Hate Floss?
This very good looking C+ actor on a huge hit cable show broke his foot about a week ago. He didn't want anyone to ask him how it happened so he removed the cast while he was at The Emmy Awards. The reason he broke his ankle? He was whacked out on meth and jumped off the roof of his house with a cape on thinking he could fly. (CDAN)
Hmmm...let's go with Hunter Parrish from Weeds just for shits?
Julie Chen, the robot overlord of Big Brother and main teleprompter reader on The Early Show, gave birth to her first BABY!!! this morning in Los Angeles. Julie and her husband, the HBIC of CBS Les Moonves, gave him the normal human name of Charlie Moonves.
And we've got another baby...... Bitches be having BABIES everywhere! To the left, to the right, above us, below us...EVERYWHERE! If you're walking down the street, don't be surprised if a baby falls on your head. If you're at the store, don't flinch when a baby jumps out at you in the milk section. And you might want to keep scuba equipment next to your bed, because we will all be drowning in amniotic fluid soon.
Jessica Biel's "Cousin It" look is her best yet - Hollywood Tuna
KFed's gravy boat holder is a paparazzi target now (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Amanda Seyfried giving her sexiest fartface in GQ - Egotastic!
If the pandas die, our hearts will die too - Towleroad
Doogie Howser's former fuck partner (on TV) reunite - Lainey Gossip
Vintage Taylor Lautner...from a year ago - Popsugar
9021OHdomenow - Just Jared
John Travolta admits his son was autistic. In other news, Tommy Girl was spotted removing a giant box labeled "Johnny's toys" from his dungeon - Socialite Life
I'd hit all of them - Cityrag
Well, it is a known fact that stoners have trouble standing upright by themselves - SOW
Single White Female with a baby - ICYDK
Kristin Cavacacaorwhatever should get 4 life sentences without parole for creating Twit & Twat - I'm Not Obsessed
Blohan picks up a Pussycat Dolls' sloppy seconds - Celebitchy
Miss Cleo is now Kerry Katona's therapist - Holy Moly!
Yup, Kate Moss is still drunk - Hollywood Rag
I approve of this if they change the name to SEXXX-Factor and showcase Simon Cowell's titty twitching skills for the entire hour - Popeater
SUMO BABY WILL EAT US ALL! Seriously, that tiny baby next to him looks concerned.
An Indonesian woman gave birth to a 19-pound baby, a record in Indonesia. Gigantababy was just 4lbs shy from beating the world record. Doctors think the baby boy's massive size is due to the fact that his mother has diabetes. Gigantababy is completely healthy and is eating non-stop. Durr.
You can tell your vagina to stop shaking and crying, because he was born via c-section. Although, you know that Indonesian woman's vagina was bawling just like gigantababy in the picture above, because it thought it was GAME OVER. It dodged a 19lb bullet.
Squinty Zellweger won't be going on the KFed diet to gain the chunk for Bridget Jones 3, because she doesn't want to put her body through all kinds of hell. And because eating gives her hives.
Instead, Squinty will pull a "Fishsticks Paltrow in Shallow Hal" by slipping on a fatty fat fat suit in size: Kirstie Alley. A source told Reveal Magazine (via SFGate), "Renee will be wearing a fat suit in the third film as it took her a while to lose the weight last time. She's also thinking about the effect quickly putting on and then losing 30 pounds has on her body."
And here I thought Squinty was a true Thespian who eats for her art. Squinty is WEAK. Somebody remove the Oscar from her clenched b-hole, because she does not deserve it!
Can I get a RECAST?! The producers of BJ3 obviously need someone who is will to do whatever it takes (aka EAT like food is going extinct) to accurately portray the character. May I present to my choice to replace Squinty. Here's the newest breakout star who will take Hollywood (and every buffet from here to Bosnia) by STORM: SOCRATES!!!!!!!!!!
Socrates is the 22lb sensation from the UK who has been chosen as one of the finalists for the PSDA's Pet Fit Club. Socrates will try to lose 13lbs in just 100 days. But before Socrates picks up the Dexatrim, he has a movie to make!
Seriously, can't you just see Socrates flirting with Hugh Grant? It's destiny. AND Socrates is British unlike Squinty. If Socrates isn't Bridget Jones, I don't know who is!