So, I was looking for pictures of LeAnn Rimes and her gayfaced husband Dean for some story about how he's best homegirls with Eddie Cibrian's wife now. Basically, Dean and Eddie's wife are bonding, because they both soon-to-be divorcee's, blah..blah... You can read the whole thing at UsWeekly. Anyway, while looking for pictures, I noticed that LeAnn and Dean are always attached at the head. They are either touching heads or practically touching heads. It's like they are Siamese Twins or constantly posing in a Sears Portrait Studio! Lori and Reba they are NOT!
Is it Dean's way of saying, "Oh, look! I don't like man chowder on my face, because I'm actually touching a female and not getting the dry heaves or squealing like a 2-year-old at Walmart"? You know the only way he's getting through it is to picture LeAnn's head as a giant dildo. And this is probably the closest LeAnn got to ever giving Dean head.
But now that they aren't together, how will they pose by themselves on the red carpet? Their heads will be lost! LeAnn's head is going to roll right off her body, because it will have nothing to lean on. Actually, that won't be such a bad thing.
When RPattz was filming in NYC, he always had to beware of crazed horny bitches trying to attack him like a bunch of dirty hyenas on carcass. Well, now that he's long gone they need someone to slobber over and that someone is Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, this doesn't seem right, but the world spins a different way nowadays.
Gatecrasher reports that security on The Golden Girls in the City movie is so tight that it looks like the president is in town. Crazy fans show up to the set at 7 in the morning hoping to catch a glimpse of one of those bitches.
When SJP was filming a scene the other day, a bunch of loony teen girls gathered around her and tried to pet her mane and feed her sugar cubes. One witness said, "At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way." SJP seemed concerned about the situation and told her security not to be so rough with the crazies.
Motherhell! Those bitches are acting like they've come in contact with the rare gayelle rainbow that is Rojo Caliente! I mean, I could understand going into convulsions if you're near Rojo, but not SJP! Shameful.
Here's some pictures of SJP outside of her house yesterday and also some pictures of Kim Cattrall looking like a prettier, younger, fresher version of Kiki Dunst while making her way to the SATC2 set.
Mimi stumbled out of Mr. Chow last night looking like a sturdy unicorn who ate too many fermented apples in the orchard. Mimi said herself that she's eternally 12, so she probably gets drunk just from drinking a Shirley Temple too fast. Or maybe homegirl didn't even drink at all and the alcohol in all the Dep gel she used to achieve those early 90s curls seeped into her skull giving her a buzz. Wait, that could be possible. I know what I'm doing tonight.
Luckily, Mimi's manservant, who dressed the part, was there to safely guide her drunk ass to the car.
This B list movie and television actress from a hit network drama went ballistic today when she overheard two crew members making fun of the fact that our actress was in the lowest grossing movie in the history of movies. Bonus points for the movie. (CDAN)
And it grossed a total of $30 from six people in Dallas. Smile face.
Which womanizing crooner has been dating a reality TV starlet for more than two years, putting her up in hotels wherever he travels for shows. (Page Six)
My guess is John Legend and Onch from Paris Hilton's My New BFF? Or maybe John Mayer, Michael Buble or Tom Jones? The starlet could be any trick.
This Hollywood girl is vain. She is becoming more obsessed with looking perfect every single minute of the day. She has had floor to ceiling glass mirrors installed on one wall of every room of her home, including the garage and the laundry room. Apparently she does not have the same benefit while away from home, as she is occasionally caught with a little white powder smudge under her nose. (Blind Gossip)
Wonky McValtrex? And if that's the case, bitch needs to sprinkle a little of that white powder in her "good eye" so it puckers up and matches the other one.
Which celeb is so used to dumping their children off to the nannies, that when they took the family to the store this last weekend, accidentally left one of the children inside the grocery store? Once they loaded into the car and started to pull away, another child mentioned the one left behind. Our celeb turned around and got the kid, no harm done, but was glad when the nanny came back to work the next day. Not Denise Richards. (Buzz Foto via Blind Gossip)
Kanye West is shirtless, but what's more surprising/disturbing is that the magazine printed his name in all lowercase. That's not right - Towleroad
Kim Kardashian has enough lifetimes on her hips to make us all immortal - I'm Not Obsessed
SideBoob Lohan - Hollywood Tuna
BABIES!!!: Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel have one now - Just Jared
Gimme a T-R-O-L-L (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
I can't with Chris Brown anymore...I just can't - Popsugar
Beyonce, Brit Brit and Lady CaCa should be shaking in their panties, because Carmen Electra is coming on the scene (sarcasm) - Hollywood Rag
Guess the crack? - Cityrag
Somebody drugged Jamie Foxx! All signs point to Wanda Wanda - Socialite Life
Tim Gunn is a fan of the rabid possum (sort of) - Celebitchy
Beth Ditto or Boy Ginge? - Holy Moly!
Lily Allen looking like a lemur on speed - ICYDK
The current VP of the Magnificent Chichis Alliance, Salma Hayek, went to the the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles on Wednesday night all ready to get her eat on, but the restaurant's hostess tried to block her from feeding her hunger. BITCH HONGRAY! According to Radar, Salma showed up with a few friends and without a reservation. When the hostess told Salma that she didn't have a table for them, the chichis hit the floor!
Apparently, a hurricane of Spanish words came pouring out of Salma's mouth. The hostess tried to calm Salma down by telling her she could have the next available table, but that still didn't stop her. When Salma's girlfriends finally told her to turn it off, she cooled down a bit and started bitching in English. Salma only stopped when the hostess finally seated them.
Salma, that's why you stop at McDonald's for an appetizer before you get to the restaurant! When the hostess at IHOP hands me one of those stupid vibrating pagers and tells me to wait, I simply stick a fry in my mouth hole to keep from bitching her ass out for keeping me from delicious pancakes.
And I bet Salma's chichis of wonder look amaaaaaaazing when she gets mad. Like two volcanos ready to BURST FORTH! I'm surprised her heaving angry bosom didn't knock out one of the hostess' eyes.
UPDATE: Salma's rep says this story is made out of LIES!!!!!!!!!
Tokio Hotel has a new album out which means that the purdiest alienbot in the game, Bill Kaulitz, is going to be killing
our sex appetites us left and right with his glittery and gritty glamour. Here's Bill work-work-working his new "Aunt Entity" hair in Paris yesterday. And Bill is definitely keeping us guessing with those "drop the crotch" pants. Git it, Billy!
TSS: What’s your craziest female on the road story?
Lil’ Boosie: One time a girl was giving me head and she threw up on me.
TSS: (Laughs!!!) Wait a minute. What? What the hell happened?
Lil’ Boosie: Nothing. We were in the room and she was giving me head and I thought it was too far down her throat and she did like this [gagging noise] and it just came out everywhere on me. I just grabbed that motherfucker by her hair and then just ran to the bathroom.
Lil’ Boosie: But guess what though? I went back because I hadn’t gotten my nut after I wiped off. That made me more ready.
TSS: So wait, you let her keep giving you head!?
Lil’ Boosie: After I wiped up and got it clean with that Irish Springs, I had to catch my nut so I let her go on and go back. I made her brush her teeth.
Lil’ Boosie: And we be sticking pill up girl’s booty too!
TSS: Ok look, now I heard on the mixtape with Hurricane Chris, you mentioned that. What’s up with that?
Lil’ Boosie: Yea, it kicks in after 20 seconds. It hits them in 20 seconds.
TSS: How does someone even find that out?
Lil’ Boosie: I get it from my cousin. He did it to a few girls way back in the game. And it just took off. I put it in a song. Everything I put in a song, I’ve tried it. So I put it in her booty hole and it melted. It melts in their booty hole and it hits them in 20 seconds. You never know what they’re gonna do. They may break out crying talking about their momma doesn’t love them or something. It hit them in the booty hole good. The booty is like eating the pill.
TSS: Then they start throwing up?
Lil’ Boosie: Naw, she was off that Goose and Patron. I didn’t put one in her booty. It was Goose and Patron.
I love how Lil' Boosie it making it sound like that chick choked, because his dick was so big. The real story is that homegirl had a moment of clarity and realized whose cock was she was slurping on. However, puking on the peen really is a right of passage for all drunk sluts. Welcome to the club, girl.
And "The booty is like eating the pill" is the phrase that pays for the day. I mean, kids are already sticking vodka tampons and beer bongs up their holes and now ecstasy pills?! I guess the mouth on your face just isn't good enough anymore. Doing butt sex with a pill does not sound fun, though. It probably makes your asshole look like an old person trying to grit their gums. Not a good look.
Whenever you see a picture of Megan Fox, you should immediately put on a dunce cap and sit in her corner, because it's time for your Foxtard-ism of the day. It's good for you! It gives your brain self-confidence! Well, unless your name is Kourtney Kardashian. If that's the case, that statement doesn't apply to you.
Megan is going after Michael Bay, director of Transformers, again. Megan tells Wonderland Magazine (via The L.A. Times), "He’s like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he’s a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he’s not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he’s so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it’s endearing to watch him. He’s vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he’s a tyrant. Shia and I almost die when we make a Transformers movie. He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do."
Insane things? Like make you do ass-to-mouth in his trailer? Yeah, Megan, I hate to break it to your b-hole, but that's not for the movie..... Yeah, not even for the DVD extras. Sorry.
I'm so amazed at how Megan Fox fucks herself repeatedly without even touching her chocha. I think we found her one talent!
The answer is a loud ass YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! You know, a bunch of you sent me this story, but the best e-mail came from a smart ass bitch who wrote in the subject: "This is you in 30 years." SCRAGS BITCHES! If that e-mailer was a screaming 2-year-old child in a Walmart, I'd slap the smartness right out of them!
So, we all know pepaws are not the one! If they aren't happy with you, they will let you know in the form of a slappity slap slap to the face! That's exactly what 61-year-old Roger Stephens did when he came in contact with a screeching 2-year-old at a Walmart in Stone Mountain, Georgia.
CNN reports that on Monday afternoon, Roger approached a woman whose child was crying as they walked down one of the aisles. Roger, who was probably shopping for laxatives and prunes (the proof is in his face), warned the mother, "If you don't shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you." Roger then walked away.
A few minutes later, the child was still screaming in another aisle and Roger kept his word. He walked up to the child, grabbed her, slapped her right in the face five times and told the mother, "See, I told you I would shut her up." Surprisingly enough, the woman didn't immediately run to Walmart's gun section, grab a revolver and use it to pistol whip that pepaw. No, instead she screamed for security. Roger was arrested and charged with first-degree cruelty to children, a felony. Roger will answer to the charge in court today.
The police said that the child had a "slight redness" in the face. Roger apparently apologized to the mother right before he was put in handcuffs.
We've all been in a situation where a child is trying to kill your soul with a high-pitched screech that will wake the dead. That's why the gods created booze and the good shit. Roger needed to use his hands to light a bong! Smoke a bowl, grandpa! It's not that serious. Let the good shit save you.
And since we're on the subject of screaming children. Here's a video of a woman reacting to a crying child on a plane. When all else fails, throw the child (and their mother) a side-eye the devil would run from.