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When Posh Beckham and RiRi see these pictures of Bill Kaulitz from Tokio Hotel throwing the glitter in Paris, they just need to lock themselves in their room and stay there for eternity. There's no way they will ever be able to compete with this kind of hardcore tranny mess glamour! Game fucking over. Bill has got this!

I mean, a leather turtleneck, Wite-out tipped nails, one of Steve Nicks' old scarves, studded suspenders and a weave that Donna Summer probably coughed up in the 70s.... RAV.I.SHING. I just want to pick him up and use his legs to eat an entire bowl of low mein with. And it would be delicious.

Here's more pictures of Bill making bitches faint at the sight of him in Paris. I also threw in some pictures of Lady CaCa arriving in Bill's home country of Germany today for comparison. CaCa has a look of shame on her face, because she knows that she will never EVER have it like that.

Shawne Merriman, the linebacker for the San Diego Chargers, was arrested early this morning after he allegedly choked and restrained Tila Tequila at his home in Poway, CA. If Shawne wanted a shot at love with Tila, this was not the way to do it.

Fox Sports says that 911 received a call from a woman claiming Shawne had choked her out and wouldn't let her leave his home on Sagecrest Drive. A police officer said, "Nguyen (That's Tila Tequila to you and me) told deputies she had been choked and physically restrained by Merriman when she attempted to leave his residence."

Shawne is currently in police custody and Tila is being treated at a nearby hospital.

Shit just got real. Tila is like the size of my nipple and Shawne looks like a giant, so he could probably choke her with his pinky. Scary shit.

Okay, okay, the fact is Tila is 4'11" and Shawne is 6'4". And just so we're clear, my nipple isn't 4'11" tall. It's probably like 4' tall at the most!

UPDATE: Tila is out of the hospital, so says TMZ. Shawne's lawyer is saying that Tila was drunk like a Wino, so he was trying to keep her from leaving his house and getting into her car.

The neverending shoot for The Bounty is finally FINALLY finally over and this has Jennifer Aniston WORRIED! Page Six says that even though both Jenny and Gerard Butler denied sexy business was going on between them, there was definitely something there. But now that Gerard Butler has left NYC with his pug Lolita, the always "lonely and miserable" Jenny is afraid the love will die. Uh oh, if Jenny has the sads, this means every Entenmann's cake in the Tri-State area will soon be gone. My ass better stock up today.

And I knew that Lolita was trouble! That homewrecking little slut bitch! I mean, her name is LOLITA. Lolita is the new St. Angie.

But seriously, Jenny should know that it's not her, it's Gerard Butler's peen. His heart may say "stay," but his dick will always say "mo' mo' vagina." It's the way of the manslut.

Master douchemeister Jon Grosselin says his memaw is doing fine after she busted her ass in the driveway yesterday. An ambulance was called, Granny Gosselin was taken to the hospital and Jon later Tweeted that she is going to be okay. Granny Gosselin was there visiting the child army. Kate Gosselin was not there at the time, because it was Jon's day with the kids.

Hmm...Granny Gosselin just happened to fall in the driveway? Something in the milk ain't clean. I'm thinking Jon came outside in yet another Ed Hardy t-shirt and granny couldn't take it anymore. I know that I fall on the ground every time I see Jon's DDs stuffed into a doucherag. It's his fault.

Or maybe, just maybe, Granny Gosselin was wearing one of her grandson's "totally sick awesome" (his words) Ed Hardy caps and Kate's rabid possum clawed at her thinking she was Jon. Naw, let's go with the first one.

During Brit Brit's "Mah Christmas Pussy Is Hanging Out" show in Greensboro, NC last night, she sang Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know." Yes, she sang it and did not lip-synch. I didn't even think it was possible for sound to come out of Brit Brit's mouth while she's on stage. Yes, she sounded like one of the Chipettes with nasal allergies and was dressed like Bret Michaels just told her that her tour ends here, but at least she actually "sang." Mind. Blown. If she starts dancing on stage instead of walking and waving, we should all prepare for THE END!

And who do you think she dedicated that song to? My guess is that she was singing it to Chester Cheetah, because you know he was bumping it with Betty Crocker on the side. Or maybe she was thinking of KFed and his first love: DONUTS. Just so you know, Brit, several slutty donuts have gone down on KFed in a theater. Sorries.

VIA ONTD

Grace Coddington - The creative director at Vogue and the true star of The September Issue! - So, my gay ass went to see The September Issue yesterday thinking that Anna Wintour's stone cold bitchery was going to be the star of that shit, but I was wrong. Grace Coddington wraps that shit up easily! First of all, Grace dresses like a gothic orderly. Seriously, I think she wears black scrubs through most of the movie. Second of all, she's one of the only hos who will pull the ice pick out of Anna's ass and stand up to her. And she's a ginge. Ginge always wins!

Foxy Brown (31)
Kerry Katona (29)
Cisco Adler (31)
Naomie Harris (33)
Justin Whalin (34)
Nina Persson (35)
Justina Machado (37)
Idris Elba (37)
Anika Noni Rose (37)
Dolores O'Riordan (38)
Macy Gray (39)
CeCe Peniston (40)
Rosie Perez (45)
Elizabeth Vargas (47)
Jeff Foxworthy (51)
Jane Curtin (62)
Swoosie Kurtz (65)
Jo Anne Worley (72)