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The CW's The Beautiful Life has been taken out back and put down. E! News reports that Mischa Barton's triumphant return to TV was killed after just two episodes. That Ashton Kutcher-produced shit show has the displeasure of being the first death of the new 2009-2010 season. The CW shut down production in NYC today and sent everyone home. Bitch is done.

The show's first episode was watched by only 1.5 million and only 1 million pairs of eyeballs tuned in for the second. Basically, bitches would rather watch a wet turd slowly dry up than watch The Beautiful Life. Actually, I saw the first episode and it was just like watching a wet turd slowly dry up.....but shittier. I mean, it was supposed to be a trashy drama and there was no bitch slapping, man stealing or baby switching. That's not how you do it.

This means that Mischa Barton is out of a job. "Dentists" beware, because Mischa now has time on her hands.

Here we have President Obama, Michelle Obama, Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, his wife and their two teenage goth daughters at the world leaders reception in NYC. GLAMOUR! Oh, how this takes my ass back to the days when we would listen to Morrissey while painting our nails black and covering our faces with baby powder. Yeah, I tried to be goth for a quick minute, but it didn't really work out. I was way too cunty (in a mean girl way) and listened to way too much Ace of Base. I just didn't have that "whole sad dead clown" act down. But the first daughters of Spain do!

This awesome picture of them has actually caused some shit, because Prime Minister Zapatero doesn't allow any of the Spanish papers to run pictures of his daughters. However, once this picture hit the wires it was on the front page of some Spanish papers and in almost everybody's inbox. PM Zapatero shouldn't spaz out. They're just goth girls. They're everywhere. You can see a mob of them in the food court at the mall looking all sullen-like and poking at their coffin purses.

And you know who else was there that night too? The one and only First Lady of Cameroooooooon Chantal Biya!

Ravishing from the top of her lion mane to the tips of her toes. The lioness came out that night and I can hear her exquisite eyebrows ROOOOOAAAAAR! And Chantal knows it. She has a look on her face like "Yeah, I got THIS." AND HOW!

Seriously, that was the party to be at. Chantal Biya and adorable Spanish goth girls! If they had an Andre champagne fountain, that would've been heaven.

The brand new poster children for the sanctity of marriage, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, will make it legal this Sunday after only doing ass-to-mouth (you decide who does what) with each other for about a month. According to the NYDN, there was a small bidding war between People, UsWeekly and OK! Magazine for the exclusive pictures of the wedding.

Apparently, OK! Magazine won out and will hand over $300,000 to Khloe. Yes, 300 hundred thousand AMERICAN dollars. More like Not OK! Magazine!

If OK! paid Khloe in generic female hormone pills bought on the internet and a 3-month supply of NADS, then I'd say it was worth it. Maybe. But $300k?! Do they also get the rights to the divorce party that will be held in about six months?

OK! could have saved their dollars and published this picture of the Shrek wedding with the headline: "KHLOE and LAMAR'S FAIRYTALE WEDDING!"

Nobody would've been the wiser.....

And by that I mean he put a little sugar in her collection cup. Quween on the Scene deserves every last crisp dollar from Jared Leto, because protecting his precious cardigan from the posarassi is not an easy job. You have to pay up.

I love how Quween is eyeballing his wad of cash. She knows dude has My So-Called Life residuals coming in. Quween always does her research.

By the way, I'm still mad at Quween that her white socks are whiter than mine. Quween must scare away the dirt!

Which hunky news anchor wore a special black helmet to go with his tight, black T-shirt for his reports from the front? The dark get-up made him really stand out among the troops in their camouflage fatigues. (Page Six)

There's really only two "hunky" news anchors and they are Rachel Maddow and Mah Boo. Rachel would never ruin her hair with a helmet, so my guess is pretty obvious.

You would think that an actress who has over 30 credits to her name would have put away some serious coin over the years. However, this one doesn’t appear to be managing her money well. She went shopping recently, racking up about a thousand dollars worth of purchases in a short amount of time. She presented her credit card. Denied. She presented a second credit card. Denied.

The actress accused the salesperson of not knowing how to process a credit card transaction. The salesperson held her tongue and simply smiled and asked the actress if she wanted to pay cash. The actress snapped that she wasn’t stupid enough to carry that type of cash around with her. She pulled out another credit card. Third time was a charm. What has she done with all her money? We hope it didn’t go up her nose. (Blind Gossip)

The obvious guess is LiLo, but wouldn't she just snatch up the goods and waddle out?

What upper list celebrity parents have only seen their child/children for a total of five days over the past two months. The parents feel like the child/children get in the way too much and our parents have way too much going on in their lives to be concerned with their child/children right now. (CDAN)

Jlo & Skeletor?

Both Michelle Phillips and Geneviève Waïte have publicly kicked Mackenzie Phillips down by calling her a lie-lie-liar for saying she had a 10-year long sexual "relationship" with her father. Now Bijou Phillips is taking the stage to give her own monologue. Bijou said this:

"When I was 13, Mackenzie told me that she had a consensual sexual relationship with our father. This news was confusing and scary, as I lived alone with my father since I was 3. I didn't know what to believe, and it didn't help that shortly there after Mackenzie told me it didn't happen. Mackenzie’s history with our father is hers, but also clouded with 30 years of drug abuse. I hope she can come to terms with this and find peace. The life I had with my father was very different. He was Mr. Mom, encouraging and loving. The man that raised me would never be capable of doing such things, and if he was, it is heartbreaking to me to think that my family would leave me alone with him. I understand Mackenzie's need to come clean with a history she feels will help others, but it's devastating to have the world watch as we try and mend broken fences, especially when the man in question isn’t here to defend himself."

Who knew that the girl who once fucked a snake (I made that up) would be the one to issue the semi-smartest statement (after Chynna, of course)? Maybe barley water actually does work? No, she must just be having a moment.

Did an anvil drop on Ceiling Eyes' head? Her eyeballs are doing a backflip! - Moe Jackson

Ralph Lauren must be in the business of making hydrangeas now - Egotastic!

Whory and Whorier - Hollywood Tuna

Kimbo still exists (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Lady CaCa was better when she was a broke version of the girl from Evanescence - Towleroad

Hugh Jackman obviously just wants to fiddle with Doogie's howser. Videotape it, please! - Just Jared

How is Blohan going to blow when her lips finally fall off? - Lainey Gossip

Gis Bundchen takes her fetus for a walk in Boston - Popsugar

Wonky McValtrex's tardmobile - Hollywood Rag

Sienna Miller is missing out on all that sexiness - Holy Moly!

Sarah Silverman's new piece is a purdier version of Greg Kinnear - Celebitchy

Catching up with an old friend: Xtina's red ass lips - ICYDK

It's a good thing Vince Vaughn was born with amazing birthing hips - I'm Not Obsessed

Lezzie motivational posters - Cityrag

Add a cigar and this is probably Monica Lewinsky's recurring wet dream - Socialite Life

Megan Fox puts on clothes for Nylon - Popoholic