Archives

This is the face of 45-year-old Marguerite Engle who became the drunkiest drunkest drunk in South Dakota's recorded history when her blood alcohol level registered a 0.708. The state's legal limit is .08. I don't know whether to clean out my alcohol cabinet (aka a cardboard box under my kitchen) and place the booze bottles at Marguerite's feet as an offer of respect or swallow a whole box of Chaser.

The Smoking Gun reports that police found Marguerite passed out like a liquored-up turkey behind the wheel of a stolen truck earlier last month. They arrested Margie and tested her drunkness down at the station. They tried to get her blood alcohol level from a breathalyzer, but the weak ass thing exploded as soon as she blew into it. You know bitch makes breathalyzers go boom. She might be a goddess.

Margie was bailed out by someone named Jim Beam and then was taken to a local hospital.

This beautiful portrait of Marguerite was snapped earlier this year after she was arrested for attacking a government employee and being a drunken ho in public. The picture now hangs at the corporate offices of Jack Daniels with the caption "Person of the Year" underneath it.

The average bitch's body is around 60% water, but Marguerite's is 0% water and 98% booze. That means the bitch probably pisses out vodka and shits out whiskey nuggets! Marguerite is like a walking open bar. The Hoff is at Jared right now picking out an engagement ring to give to Marguerite. He is in love.

If you were in Miami on NYE and witnessed a Lamborghini stumbling around the highway like a day-shift crackwhore with arthritis in the knee, then you watched 22-year-old Lil' Bow Wow drinking, driving and Tweeting. It was obviously Lil' Bow Wow's first time at the DUI rodeo, because he chronicled his drunk driving antics on his Twitter page. Way to leave a paper trail. Or should I say, a Twitter trail. I present exhibit a to the court:

Face numb im whippin the lambo. Tispy as fuck. Just left @livmiami.

And exhibit b:

Im fucked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris (Brown) might have to drive after next spot.

A few minutes later, Lil' Bow Wow swam out of the douche fog and realized drinking, driving and Tweeting wasn't the best move.

Apologize for that tweet. it was stupid and immature. not a way i want to kick my #2010 year off. i got too much good stuff lined up. my bad.

First of all, doesn't Lil' Puppy Chow know what happens when you mix a Chris Brown with a Lamborghini? Um. Maybe he should have Ri Ri over for Hot Pockets, so she can fill him in.

Second of all, if Lil' Bow Wow really wanted to be hardcore he would've rode a real lamb while drunk like this little Hood Rat Stuff Hooligan:

Step to the left, Bow Wow and let the real pimps play.

And is it just me, or does that picture of Chris Brown and Bow Wow belong on a card promoting a down-low chatline?

John Wall of the Kentucky Wildcats

At a game the other day, John Wall had to make a very important decision when he was faced with a heard of cheerleaders in the road. John could either a) send a few of them to the ER with broken bones and baginas by crushing into them or b) or bust it like a ninja and jump over them.

John went with option b and not one follicle on a cheerleader's head was harmed. John Wall is not about to disrupt the sexy. Clip beeeelow:

Taye Diggs (39)
Kate Bosworth (27)
Dax Shepard (35)
Will Kirby (37)
Paz Vega (37)
Christy Turlington (41)
Cuba Gooding Jr. (42)
Tia Carrere (43)
Gabrielle Carteris (49)
Todd Haynes (49)
Christopher Durang (61)
Jack Hanna (63)