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CBS has officially rejected this Super Bowl commercial for the gay dating website ManCrunch.com. By the way, ManCrunch is not only the name of a gay dating website, it's also what Tommy Girl's laundress has to scrub out of his panties on a daily basis. But I digress...

A bunch of bitches are lighting their torches over this decision, because they don't think it's right that CBS rejected this ad but approved a pro-life commercial starring Tim Tebow (which is probably going to be gayer than ManCrunch's ad). CBS only had this to say for themselves:

"After reviewing the ad - which is entirely commercial in nature - our Standards and Practices department decided not to accept this particular spot. As always, we are open to working with the client on alternative submissions."

A rep for ManCrunch believes that if the ad featured a chick and a dude kissing, CBS would've accepted it. The rep also said that the company has the cash to pay for the spot, because they recently raised $40 million from investors.

ManCrunch's commercial is almost as low budget as a Heidi Montag music video. It looks like it was shot on a Flip cam for a community college project. The only bitch I would make out with SOBER (key word being SOBER) in that commercial is the bowl of chips. And why is that other dude grossed out by the two guys kissing?! Basically, this commercial sucks.

I'm no Detective La Toya, but my guess is that ManCrunch knew CBS would reject the ad, which would get them tons of free publicity. It's a brilliant move. Well played, ManCrunch even though MadTV did it first:

The men of New Jersey will have to go somewhere else for their lunchtime blow jobs, because Danielle Staub of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is done with sex for now. The recession claims another small business! The Virgin Prostitution Whore said:

“I’m abstinent now. I realized that with abstinence, if you really, really believe in yourself like I do, you discover your own self-worth. Abstinence means you refrain from any sex — thinking about it, doing it — even to yourself! I’m a born-again virgin. I am saving myself for marriage. I didn’t do it the first two times but I learned from my mistakes. So now, it’s okay to wait. Marriage is a goal of mine but not because I need it, but because I want it. It’s a big difference. I will never find him, he’ll find me. I think the right one will see me. I want old-fashioned courting. It’s going to happen. Have you seen me?”

via People

265-year-old Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones has checked his old ass into a rehab clinic for the 8th time. The Daily Mail says that Ronnie's daughter and Mick Jagger have been begging him for months to put down the bottle, break the coke mirror and dry up in the tank. Ronnie has finally given in.

Ronnie recently broke up with his 20-year-old Russian girlfriend after he allegedly whooped her ass. Shortly after their relationship ended, she started telling the media about how he's an evil goblin king who loves to eat mounds of cocaine with his nose.

A friend of Ronnie's said, "Ronnie has been in a bad state of mind since his split with Katia (the Russian chick). They were in a terrible relationship, but since their break-up he has not been himself. He has been lonely and drinking and has tried to throw himself into new romances. Jo and the entire family are just happy that he is seeking help again."

Hopefully, Ronnie will clean up this time, because nobody likes an old coked up drunk. Actually, that's not true. I like an old coked up drunk. They're funny and entertaining. But don't tell Ronnie that. Just tell him to do it for his long-lost mom Madam Mim!

When the first rumblings of a George-Clooney-led charity event hit the entertainment community, one star was surprisingly reticent about chipping in to help. This celeb was convinced that Clooney and friends were just looking to sweeten their own profiles with a humanitarian gesture. He decided that he didn’t want to play second fiddle to Clooney & Friends, and started making some calls to try to get people to rally around his effort, which was going to be staged as a similar event … except that our guy would be the star. He made a few calls around, and was surprised to discover that he didn’t have many takers for his event. He says that it was because people just didn’t have enough time to pull together performances for his event. The reality is that no one really wanted to be part of a charity event that put more of an emphasis on this arrogant guy than on the charity itself. (Blind Gossip)

Gay Fish was just trying to color outside of the fucking lines!

This reality star with her own show just got her breasts augmented because her dad insisted. (CDAN)

This could be Jessica Simpson, but I don't think Papa Joe would make her get breast implants. He would convince her that she can make them grow by massaging them...in front of him. So because of that, I'll go with Brooke and Hulk Hogan?

This Hollywood actress was big news thanks to her starring role in a TV show over the past couple of years. And yet she somehow managed to get herself bad press. She put in some heroic partying performances and has a habit of dating guys way older. Anyway, studio execs who had penciled her in for stardom have pulled back. She’s still in the same role that made her famous and getting annoyed about it. (Popbitch via Blind Gossip)

"Heroic" = Heroes = Hayden Panatroll?

Kanye West and Ambot wore fur coats to fashion week in Paris, and I guess some fashion bloggers threw red paint on him in the form of hate hate hating posts. And I'm glad they did, because Gay Fish bent over and gave birth to this amazing rant featuring rhinestone-encrusted shit nuggets like: "FUCK YOUR COLORING BOOK" and "WE REPRESENT YOUR INNER SPIRIT!!"

Kanye west roared hard. He roared so hard that the fur coat in the room sprung back to life and ran out of that bitch.

Here's Kanye's rant. I tried to de-CAPS it for you, but as soon as I was finished transcribing it my monitor flickered and it magically went back to ALL CAPS. The Gods want you to go mildly insane while trying to read this mess:

WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE, REMEMBER THE FEARLESS, REMEMBER THE DREAMERS, REMEMBER THOSE WHO REPRESENT THE GHETTO...THE FAIRY TALE OF NOTHING TO SOMETHING. I'M BRIEFLY SADDENED BY NEGATIVE COMMENTS, BUT I HAVE TO REMEMBER THOSE PEOPLE ARE SCARED, INCAPABLE OR JUST PLAIN IDIOTS. WE ARE THE FUCKING ROCK STARS BABY. NO COCAINE, JUST LIFE MY NIGGAS!! NO COCAINE, JUST LIFE! IT'S FUNNY TO ME WHEN FASHION BLOGGERS DOWN OUR OUFITS AND THEN SUPER JOCK OUTLANDISH SHIT ON THE RUNWAY BUT THEN THEY DRESS MAD PRUDE AND DON'T LIVE FASHION. WE LIVE IT MAN. FUCK THAT, WE LIVE IT!!! WE LIVE IT SO HARD PEOPLE LIVE THROUGH US! WE REPRESENT YOUR INNER SPIRIT!! THE CHILD IN US ALL, THE BRUTAL HONESTY, THE NAIVETY, THE BRAVE WARRIOR, THE ADRENALINE THAT ALLOWS A MOTHER TO LIFT A CAR IF HER CHILD WAS TRAPPED UNDER IT! REMEMBER, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN EVERYBODY DISSED MICHAEL JACKSON EVERY CHANCE THEY COULD. IMAGINE THE PRESSURE OF BEING A TRUE ICON. VERY FEW HUMAN BEINGS ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE CONSTANT HATE!!! IF WE DON'T DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS THE SHIT, YOU BEAT US UP VERBALLY AND MENTALLY, LIKE A CATHOLIC SCHOOL TEACHER BEATING A CREATIVE STUDENT INTO SUBMISSION. I CAN HEAR YOU SCREAMING 'COLOR INSIDE THE LINES!!!' WELL FUCK YOUR COLORING BOOK, COLOR BY NUMBERS APPROACH TO LIFE. AT THE END OF THE DAY WHO ARE WE HURTING??? OH "THE NEW BLACK???" SINCE BARACK IS PRESIDENT BLACKS DON'T LIKE FUR COATS, RED LEATHER, AND FRIED CHICKEN ANY MORE?! WHEN YOU TRULY UNDERSTAND CULTURAL SETTINGS, BOUNDARIES, AND OUR MODERN DAY CASTE SYSTEMS, THEN YOU CAN FEEL THE GLORY AND PAIN FROM THE DAYS OF KINGS IN AFRICA TO THE NEW KINGS OF THE MEDIA. LET THE BALL PLAYERS DANCE AFTER THEY SCORE! IT'S LIFE MY NIGGAS, IT'S LIFE! REMEMBER CLOTHING IS A CHOICE. WE WERE BORN NAKED!!! FRESH IS AN OPINION, LOVE IS OBJECTIVE, TASTE IS SELECTIVE, AND EXPRESSION IS MY FAVORITE ELECTIVE. NO MORE POLITICS OR APOLOGIES!!!

CAPS LOCK is a hell of a fucking drug. Right?

(Thanks Ibis)

Jared Leto is trying to summon the unicorns when he should be trying to summon a Flowbee - Lainey Gossip

Lucy Pinder: Wig on, nipples out - Egotastic!

Dino gingers have souls too - Towleroad

Brit Brit's stylist Ronald McDonald dresses her in the finest - Popsugar

Avril Lavigne's song for Alice in Wonderland will make you want to stuff yourself into the rabbit hole to get away from it - Just Jared

A close up of Kim Kardassian's hooves (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Scary Spice is cycling for a check - Hollywood Tuna

The UK's newest it couple - Holy Moly!

Kate Moss washed the granny out of her hair - Hollywood Rag

Black Eyed Thieves - Cityrag

Oprah is still not a gayelle for Gayle, says Oprah - Celebitchy

RiRi has a lot of tattoos - ICYDK

Pee-Wee got an iPad - Popbytes

Jimmy Kimmel hit back at Jay Leno for hitting him. When is the school bell going to go off already? - I'm Not Obsessed

Maggie Rizer meant to do this - Socialite Life

Did St. Angie's hypnotic vagina tried to tame Lady CaCa's hermie peen? Did St. Angie bless Lady CaCa's tuck with her tongue? Did Lady CaCa lick on St. Angie's holy place? This is what someone whispered into the ear of Brangelina biographer Ian Halperin during an acid flashback. Ian wrote on his blog (via Showbiz Spy):

A source close to the actress told IUC late last night that there was recently a secret rendezvous between the two at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel that lasted all night. Apparently, Angie is obsessed with Lady GaGa. Still, I reserve judgment on this one until I see more proof. Developing…

This is what happens fan fiction GOES WRONG. Although, there's a chance this could be true. Maybe CaCa got sexy with St. Angie to get back into God's good graces, because Megan Phelps says he kind of hates her right now. Speaking of.....

Remember that "God Hates GaGa" song the hatress of hate put out last month? Well, she also put together a video using the old PC Junior computer my mom sold for $5 at a yard sale in the late 80s. I was wondering what became of that thing. Here's Megan's video:

Jokes on Megan, because God Hates HAGS too! So I guess Megan and I will be freaking on each other's legs to a Lady CaCa song on a dancefloor in Hell.

via ONTD

If cats could channel George Clooney in Up in the Air by traveling all around the place making money, then I would run down to the ASPCA right now and adopt a million of them! But sadly, this Japanese commercial is not real-life. However, it is the kind of commercial America needs. Take note, Don Drapers of the US!

Fur Fact: Maru was offered the lead role in this commercial, but he politely turned it down to focus on his acrobat career.

via Buzzfeed

Please take a moment from playing the online game "Who is Tila Tequila's baby daddy?" to slap yourself for playing "Who is Tila Tequila's bady daddy?". Once your cheek stops stinging, let's all gather around to figure out who the father of Padma Lakshmi's baby is!

Ever since Top Chef's Padma announced she was pregnant, she pulled some "mind yo business" shit whenever she was asked who the father is. Some think it's Tom Colicchio (seriously). Others have thrown Teddy Forstmann's (he owns IMG talent agency) name around. Personally, I figured the makers of the GLAD family of products knocked Padma up. But Page Six has their own ideas.

They are hearing that Adam Dell, the younger brother of billionaire Dell founder Michael Dell, IS THE FATHER of Padma's baby who is due next month! Adam is a venture capitalist and teaches at Columbia Business School. Here's a picture of Padma and Adam last March. Pada's rep only had this to say:

"She has no interest in sharing with the public the identity of the father. She asks that people respect her privacy."

Just in case Padma does have a Dell in her womb, you better throw away the iDiaper and iBinky you bought for her baby.

Kelis galloped into the Data Awards in Los Angeles last night looking like something Mimi's brain might burp up during a champagne-fueled daydream. What do we focus on? Do we focus on the Jane Child nostril-to-earlobe chains? The unicorn of liberty crown? The feather lashes? The mutant goat hooves? The old lady braid? NO! Direct your eyes to Kelis' suffocating vagina! The only kind of rubber a vagina wants to eat is a condom. Why does Kelis have to do her chocha like that?

When she finally freed her snatch from the wall of latex later on in the night, it probably needed mouth-to-mouth. Pussy abuse is not the look.

And Kelis also needs less internet in her life, because she's starting to get fashion tips from YouTube:

However, I will give it up for the intergalactic being from a disco ball far far away posing with Kelis below.