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LiLo is not kissing on Roberto Cavalli because she loves the feel of charbroiled flesh against her collage-stuffed worm lips. LiLo is trying to distract Roberto while her hand snatches his wallet. And since sticky fingers (in more ways than one) LiLo is such a pro, bitch also managed to get her hands between Roberto's ass crack and pull a diamond stud off of his ass lips without him noticing. Who ever said the ho doesn't have talents?

But seriously now, LiLo should pose next to Roberto more often, because his sun-dried tomato complexion makes her skin look somewhat clean. Usually, I have take several moist towelettes to my monitor after going through pictures of LiLo. And I only had to do that once (see the last picture) this time!

Here's more of the hardest working non-worker in the business partying it up with Robert Cavalli in Milan over the weekend.

Whitney Houston rolled into Sydney Airport this morning looking like the crazy lady in your neighborhood who hacks at her front yard weeds with a kitchen knife at 12 in the morning, and threatens to shoot you with a BB gun if you try to pet one of her 80 cats. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

There's no need to get on the phone with Dr. Drew just yet. Whitney looks raggedy rough, because she spent the entire night looking for her hairline and she still hasn't found it.

Either that, or one of her infamous doody bubbles is being stubborn and refuses to pop! Where's Bobby B's finger when you need it?

Jennifer Love Hewitt recently told George Lopez of all people about how she regularly vagazzles her chocha and recommends that every woman join her. Well, Bryce Gruber from the Luxury Spot got vajazzled at a salon in NYC to see what the hell that moron JLove is raving about.

I learned a few things while watching this enlightening video. First of all, they shouldn't call it vagazzling, because the crystals don't actually touch your puss. They should call it fupazzling.

Second of all, getting fupazzled really limits all the sexual positions you can do with your fuck time partner. Well, unless your fuck partner gets off on getting scratched the hell up by sharp objects.

Third of all, the fupazzling makers should really market this towards crazed Twitards, because this looks like a syphilis rash you would get from Edward Cullen.

Fourth of all, the "look 4 less" version of this can be achieved using an old stencil, a can of silver spray paint and a handful of craft glitter.

via Buzzfeed

Zhora, the alcoholic Russian chimp who has been forced into rehab by his people.

Unfortunately for us, Zhora is one of those shy drunks, so there's no pictures of him in action. Instead I had to use this picture of some chimp sucking on a water bottle in Shanghai. Just pretend that this Chinese chimp is Russian, and that the bottle of water is vodka. If that doesn't work for you, just go to Google Images and type in "Mel Gibson." That will give you hundreds of pictures of a drunk chimp.

Reuters reports that Zhora originally worked as a circus performer, but was sent to live in a zoo in Rostov after he got a little too aggressive. While at the zoo, Zhora discovered life's four greatest pleasures: Sharpies, fucking, boozing and smoking! Yes, Zhora is totally your chimp.

When Zhora wasn't drawing pictures with a Sharpie (aka sniffing that shit behind the cave) or wet humping on lady chimps, he was begging tourists for booze and cigarettes. Since you can't deny a drunk chimp (ask Denise Richards), the tourists regularly gave Zhora what he wanted.

After Zhora got his 6th DUI, was caught with a dead hooker in his trunk and developed a major addiction to smoking banana skins, his handlers sent him off to rehab.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a chimp suit and a ticket to Russia. I mean, a never-ending supply of Sharpies, free booze and cigarettes? We're all in the wrong business.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

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