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A little over a week ago, Brit Brit went to the salon to get her weave chopped off and her scalp fumigated. I'm sure you poured one out for all the thousands of mites, fleas and lice that were displaced and forced to find a temporary home. Well, it looks like the refugees have returned to the ecosystem we call Brit Brit's weave! Yes, all is well again so Al Gore can cancel the documentary he was planning to make on this important issue.

Here's more of the Louisiana trailer park blossom holding a bottle of bacon water and an ice blended caramel drizzle cake from Haagen-Dazs while shopping with her mom and brother at Glendale Galleria yesterday.

A glimpse of Rojo Caliente, a double pee stream and the McCrabcake are all magical things in life that only happen once in a blue moon, so you have to embrace them when they come around. And this video of Flavor of Love's Hottie performing Poker Face at some street fair in Las Vegas falls into that category.

Who cares if Hottie didn't have time to change out of the uniform she wears for her morning job serving cocktails at the Horseshoe Casino! Who cares if Hottie's cousins are only dancing behind her because she promised to buy them a few minutes on their pre-paid cell phones! Who cares if Hottie is singing along to a cassette single her co-worker made for her! Who cares if the only people in the audience are homeless crackheads who just so happen to be hanging out on that part of the street!

WHO CARES, because this is truly the performance of 2010! Okay....the performance of the month? Er. Okay....the performance of the week? Um. Okay....the performance of the day? The hour? The minute? Okay, it's the second best performance of the minute (right after the burp you just blew)!

via ONTD

Fishsticks Paltrow slipped on a custom coat (made out of Chris Martin's testicle hair) to take a stroll to see how construction is coming along on her massive 33-room Casa De Poop in London. Fishy was escorted by Gary Lightbody, the lead singer of Snow Patrol. Gary is kind of like Chris Martin, but with less cuntness.

I'm sure the tabloids are going to dry hump all over these pictures and declare that Fishsticks has replaced her husband with Gary. But I doubt anything is going on here. I'm sure Gary just came over so Fishsticks could help him lose his "batwings" and give him a cucumber/cayenne enema (or whatever the fuck she's into these days). Strictly GOOP business. So if you see Gary on the street with a leaky butt, it's just his dignity seeping out from spending time with Fishsticks.

With that said, you know Fishsticks gets hard when thinking about what her full name would be if she married Gary. Gwyneth Lightbody. Ugh. That's a yoga pose, right?

UPDATE: That's not Gary Lightbody with her, but Gwyneth Paltrow still wishes her full name was Gwyneth Lightbody. That is all.

Is that a pillow or is one of Tila Tequila's vag warts is growing? - The Superficial

This is going to be Dove's new theme song in 3..2.. - Popsugar

Is Snow Miser Chanel's new head designer? - Hollywood Rag

Rachel McAdams and Jakey G might be in contract negotiations right now - Lainey Gossip

The first time in history that Marisa Miller was photographed in something other than a bikini - Hollywood Tuna

If you've ever wanted to see Autumn Reeser's nipples, have at it - Egotastic!

Papa Joe strikes again! - Just Jared

This promo for Daft Punk's new video looks hot - Popoholic

So this is CoCo's secret (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

The Olsens are making it easier for us to tell them apart - Cityrag

Wake me when Beth Ditto follows her calling and stars in a remake of Pink Flamingos - Holy Moly!

Tim Gunn poots on the Kardassian skanks - I'm Not Obsessed

Simon Cowell is absolutely fucking thrilled about his engagement - SOW

The gay version of Taylor Swift's "You Belong To Me" video needs more gay action - Towleroad

I'm not even lying when I say that Sarah Jessica Parker has the same exact cardigan as my abuelita. BITER! - ICYDK

The joke is really going to be on Lindsay Lohan's lawyers, because there's no way she's paying their bills - Celebitchy

Since Ron Howard is skilled at directing scary creatures made out of rubber and other man-made materials (see: The Grinch), he was definitely the right choice to direct Heidi Montag in this parody PSA pushing financial reform. Yeah, I don't know if it works as a PSA for that specific issue, but it definitely pushes the anti-plastic surgery message. I mean, Heidi looks like Lauri Waring's reflection in a fun house mirror. Get your vat of holy water out before you press play.

Look at this special bitch. Sadie Winfrey was escorted to her motorcade in Los Angeles yesterday by her entourage including security, chauffeur, handler, stylist and gland pincher. The chick on the right is only responsible for catching Sadie's caca nuggets with her gloved hand before they touch the sidewalk. Yes, even Sadie's shit is too good to touch the ground.

And just so you know, everybody in this picture signed the No Phone Zone Pledge. Oprah would want you to know that (since she says it every damn second on her show). Well, everybody signed it except for Sadie. That bitch is too important that it's impossible for her to not text while driving.

Here's more of Queen Sadie ordering sluts around yesterday. I also threw in some pictures of Gayle King and Oprah meeting for a munch...I mean...for lunch.

Gerard Butler is continuing his quest of taste testing every vagina and anus on the planet by getting with Baby Jesus' foster mother Vadge. Gerard and Vadge have known each other since she was married to Guy Ritchie, but apparently they took their relationship to the next level (level: gross) at her Oscar after-party in Hollywood on Sunday night.

A source says that while Baby Jesus was sucking on his thumb in his nursery far far away, Vadge was grinding all over Gerry's greasy body. If you need a visual, just imagine a Gourami fish eating a cherry tomato.

Some witness-type told Hollywood Life, “She was putting on the full-court press, totally charming him – and even challenged him to a dance-off! They were grinding in the middle of the room real close and then Demi joined in. It was hot! Gerard was loving the attention.”

Gerry loves the attention he gets when the nurse practitioner burns off his genital warts one by one, so that's not saying much. For real though, it sounds like nothing really happened. Gerry is old enough to talk back, so Vadge is not interested.

And this is the third or fourth story I've read about Vadge challenging hos to a dance-off. Who outside of high school parking lots (circa 1984) and churches challenges bitches to dance-offs?! Vadge, you are not one of the grannies from Don't Be A Menace in South Central.

Every now and again, Katherine Hagel's annoying voice causes her scalp to diarrhea all over her hair and that's obviously what happened here. Katherine strolled around Los Feliz, CA yesterday with a brand new mop on her head. Instead of a blonde asshole, she's now a brunette asshole!

Titty leche is having the best (or worst, depending on how you smell it) week ever! Late last week, a Kentucky woman was arrested for attacking a female police officer with her breast milk. If that female officer knew what was good, she would've pulled out a jar, collected that titty leche and used it to make a delicious cheese to spread on Ritz crackers. That's basically what a NYC chef did with his wife's nipple nectar and he even put it on the menu at his restaurant. OctoMom just pushed a baby, because bitch wishes she would've come up with this.

Chef Daniel Angerer of Klee Brasserie tells the New York Post, "It tastes like cow's-milk cheese, kind of sweet." After Chef Daniel blogged about it, he got a million calls from customers demanding a sample of his wife's chichi cream cheese. Little did Daniel know that his "customers" weren't wearing pants at the time of the call and were most likely making their own kind of milk while listening to him describe his wife's breast milk in detail.

Chef Daniel went on to say, "The phone was ringing off the hook. So I prepared a little canapé of breast-milk cheese with figs and Hungarian pepper."

Daniel's main supplier, his wife, is happy to help her husband out, but don't ask her to pour you a shot straight from the tap. She said, "I'm not here to walk people through their psychological problems." And two beats later, her husband said they are going to make a breast milk gelato next. They really make a great comedy team, right? The timing!

Daniel has the right idea, but he really should go all the way. Why waste precious minutes making cheese out of his wife's breast milk. Daniel should just set up a booth on the street and let his wife squirt into Dixie cups. Better yet, go green and scrap the Dixie cups. Daniel's wife can just squirt directly into the mouth. Give the sucio ass bitches what they really want!

By the way, I'm pretty sure Daniel's baby is in a semi-catatonic state in the picture above. Homegirl is THIRSTAY, because her momma's tete is dry by the time she gets to it at the end of the day. Get in line, baby!

Here we have Mah Boo Anderson Cooper throwing Jessica Simpson a "So you think your no-no makes dicks go boom?" look at Vanity Fair's Oscar party on Sunday night.

Seriously, if John Mayer thinks Jessica has the stuff to cause crotch explosions, then he obviously doesn't know about the Silver Fox's powers. Don't let Mah Boo's size fool you. He might look like a baby Whippet next to Jessica's bull dog body, but he just has to purse his mouth lips to make b-holes detonate.*

*I'm speaking from experience. It looks like Chernobyl down there.