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Since most people can't stomach Tommy Girl unless he's wearing prosthetics and covered with thick hair from one of Khloe Kardashian's wax strips, he has signed on to star in a feature film version based on Len Grossman, the character he played in Tropic Thunder. Well, actually some dudes can stomach Tommy Girl in his regular form if he pays them in cash beforehand. But that's besides the point. They are making a Les Grossman movie! I can't, and neither should you. Here's the press release from Paramount (via Coming Soon):

Paramount Pictures and MTV Films announced today that they are set to develop a movie around mega-producer Les Grossman. The announcement comes on the heels of Grossman’s groundbreaking and visionary production of the soon-to-be Emmy® award-winning 2010 MTV Movie Awards Sunday night. Tom Cruise, along with Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld of Red Hour Films will produce and have secured the life rights to Grossman.

Grossman, best known as a mega producer, has most recently mentored talents such as Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. In 2008, Grossman was introduced to the masses by Stiller in the comedy “Tropic Thunder” where the famed producer had a cameo playing himself.

Said Ben Stiller: “Les Grossman's life story is an inspiring tale of the classic human struggle to achieve greatness against all odds. He has assured me he plans to quote, ‘Fucking kill the shit out of this movie and make Citizen fucking Kane look like a piece of crap home movie by the time we are done.’ I am honored to be working with him.”

This is going to be like Austin Powers meets a hairy asshole. You couldn't get me to see this smelly taint of a movie even if you told me there was a reserved seat waiting for me. A reserved seat that was actually a nekkid Mah Boo Anderson Cooper squatting with Red Vines in one hand and Strawberry Hill in the other. Okay, I would, but I'd sit the other way.

This hair is only okay if you're a middle-aged Southern divorcee circa 1988 who has the largest collection of Lilly Pulitzer dresses in her circle, drives a Mary Kay pink Cadillac and takes interior design classes at the local community college. Or if you're a character on Designing Women. It is not okay if you're Katherine Heigl and the year is 2010.

I mean, did my mom's hairdresser from Mastercuts travel all the way to present-day London from the 80s to do Hagel's hair for The Killers premiere tonight? That hair is giving Anthony Bouvier the vapors in a bad way. It's the worst Julia Sugarbaker impersonation of all-time!

Obviously, that hairspray fuggery is the result of pissing off the wrong gay hairdresser. This was not made with glitter-laced love. The person responsible for this was mess was gritting his teeth the entire time while trying his hardest to not stab her in the arm. Those harsh curls were born from him almost biting his tongue off while working the iron. How dreadful.

Julia Sugarbaker is judging Hagel hard for this:

Yes, that is Julia Sugarbaker's "I'm judging you" face. She's an elegant Southern belle, so she hides it well.

This is a bathroom quickie story for the ages. This foreign born female model and now a C/D list movie and television actress who had her big break last year was caught in a bathroom at an event the other night getting orally serviced by a female waitress from the party. The thing that makes this a story for the ages is that they were discovered by this A list fashion designer who screamed when she saw them which caused 10 other people to rush in and have a look. (CDAN)

Who in the hell screams at cooch eating? You either a) quickly take a picture and sell that shit or b) join in. And if that bathroom door didn't have a lock, whoever was getting it should've used her feet to block the door. You have to teach a bitch everything!

That being said, My guess for the model is either Daisy Lowe or Alexa Chung, even though I don't think either of them are actresses. As for the designer, Donna Karan seems like a screamer.

This movie actress is known for her beauty: piercing eyes, full lips, shapely legs, gorgeous hair. Oh, wait. Better scratch that last one off the list. She has been dieting so strictly that her hair has started falling out in clumps. She has a new project filming soon, so she’s been trying out hair extensions. We’re sure she’ll credit the extensions for the sudden increase in length, but when you see her, you’ll know that longer hair wasn’t the motivating factor for her new hairdo. (Blind Gossip)

Megan Fox? Exhibit A.

It looks like polygamy isn’t just for HBO and religious fundamentalists anymore… This young singer is sleeping and living with her married manager and his wife. Both women know about the relationship and both are still devoted to him. The singer doesn’t have a good relationship with her own family and her manager has been with her for a while so we suppose it makes sense she would look to him for comfort. However, he takes advantage of the women in his life and makes them feel like they should be lucky to deserve him. It seems to be working since this has been going on for months now. Not Selena Gomez. (BuzzFoto)

Susan Boyle, you slut! What will Pebbles say?!

Somewhere up in heaven Rue, Estelle and Bea are outside of the adult section waiting for the porn parody of The Golden Girls. Now, I don't know whether they want to watch that mess in the comfort of their own lanai, or if Sophia wants to throw holy water on it before banishing it to the depths of hell. After watching the trailer, I'm going to go with the latter.

The theme song will make you want to fuck your ears with a piece of cheesecake and the acting...well...DAMN! I know this is porn so I'm expecting Megan Fox-like acting skills, but there's just too much of it on this trailer. I speak for Blanche Devereaux when I say, enough with the shit acting and get to the fucking!

via SOW

The True Blood premiere was last night and everybody was wearing way too many clothes. And by everybody, I mean ASkars and that new wolf dude - Popsugar

Megan Fox's replacement is dating Jason Statham? I wonder how that works - Egotastic!

Lindsay Lohan is no Detective La Toya - The Superficial

Cheryl Tweedy's hair looks a mess - Hollywood Tuna

Oh, I almost didn't recognize Miley Cyrus since she's wearing pants - Lainey Gossip

Victoria Silvstedt is such a refined lady (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Ricky Martin will sing and dance as Che in Evita on Broadway - Towleroad

The smoking toddler salutes Whoopi Goldberg! - Celebitchy

"DAMN!" says Michelle Williams as she goes back to listing her shit about eBay - Just Jared

Kate Bosworth at the True Blood premiere is her way of telling the fangbangers that ASkars is hers - Popoholic

A totally fake David Boreanaz nude, but it'll do for now (NSFW) - OMG Blog

Exciting Development of the Day: Jennifer Aniston ate the same salad for 10 years - ICYDK

More excuses pour out of Lindsay Lohan - I'm Not Obsessed

Carrie Underwears plays ball - Hollywood Rag

There's something rotten in Denmark and it's not Whitney Houston's doody bubble - Crunk + Disorderly

In case you missed it, here's Celine Dion's private Raging Fucking Waters - Cityrag

TECHNICAL NOTE: As some of your asses know, this bitch who goes by the name 500 - Internal Server Error has been crashing this party. The annoying error has been coming up for some of you in the comments. My highly-skilled programmer, who looks like this, is working on dragging that bitch out of here. Sorry for any frustrations this might have caused. Send me your bar bill (no, don't).

Looking like a Chinese beekeeper going to a mariachi-themed funeral, Lady Caca attended her little sister's high school graduation yesterday at NYC's Convent of the Sacred Heart. Yes, Caca is once again making it all about her by snatching the spotlight away from the graduates, but I do appreciate that she put her tuck on display at a Catholic school graduation.

Speaking of her tuck, that fancy Upper East Side lady in the background isn't even going to let her eyes go there. Bitch is staring at that condom thing (let's just say it's a condom) on the ground like its her fucking savior.

And Caca wasn't totally acting like a selfish asshole. I mean, at least she covered her face. Give her that!

Using about half as much wax as Cristiano Ronaldo puts in his hair on a daily basis, the artists at Madame Tussauds created a wax figure of him (on the left) which is now hanging out at their place in London. They almost got it right, but they need to slather that shit in about 5 layers of pizza grease and then lube him up like a 9" inch dick going into a virgin's ass before they can call it a day.

And Wax Cristiano is a little bloated in the face, but that is actually pretty accurate. When the real Cristiano goes a full day without plucking at least one eyebrow follicle, he bloats the fuck up just like that. It's an allergic reaction.

During an interview for that Grown Ups movie, Salma Hayek nearly stabbed Maya Rudolph to death with her stilettos when she tried to jump away from a snake slithering on the ground. Salma gave us a "Maury, I'm Scared of Peaches!!!!" moment!

Salma and Maria Bello were jumping away as if Jon Gosselin just pulled his pants down in front of them.

You know, I don't blame Salma though. Snakes suck at seeing, so there's a good chance it mistook her world-saving chichis for two curled up mongooses. Better to act the fool and be safe than end up in the emergency room after a snake bit your nipple off.