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You are not a camel toe aficionado unless you can spot which one is CoCo's - Cityrag

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry might be boning again, because it's absolutely scientifically impossible for two exes to get along like this. Impossible! - Lainey Gossip

Frapps and Daddy Spears' Velveeta grits do a body good - The Superficial

Tila Tequila is totally trying to bring Nelly's signature look back (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Ginger Spice gets to second base with herself - Hollywood Tuna

Because posing for the paparazzi on the stroll is hard ass work, Sophie Monk is on vacation in Hawaii - Egotastic!

The Blue Power Ranger has come out as a proud peen lover. And I'm still waiting for Rita Repulsa to come out as a big lez - Towleroad

Look what spat out of Hell's asshole - The Berry

And my guess is that Naya Rivera sang "Bust Your Windows" while egging Mark Salling's car - Celebitchy

Will Forte has taken two beers out of SNL's cabin before sliding down the evacuation slide - Just Jared

MiserAlba wearing wallpaper from my auntie's 70s themed game room to the Machete premiere - Popoholic

The American Eagle as soon through the eyes of Tommy Girl - OMG Blog

I'd hide my face too if I was wearing a trucker hat - Popsugar

Sookeh Soookeh Soooookeh joins the cast of Scream 4 - ICYDK

Serena Williams' better stop before she goes to far and someone pisses on her - Crunk + Disorderly

Jeremy Renner will play Tommy Girl's main butt plug holder in Mission Impossible 4 - I'm Not Obsessed

If Drew Barrymore really wanted to destroy that bitch reporter, she should've just made them watch Music & Lyrics and they'd rip their own face off - SOW

Katy Perry is trying to bring hair mascara back - Holy Moly!

Crocodile Dunfuckeduponhistaxes - Hollywood Rag

Bristol Palin, The Hoff, Mop Head, The Situation and Ceiling Eyes all sitting in a room together wearing enough sequins to make Johnny Weir's sparkly fart bubbles feel inadequate. No, I did not just to describe a scene to you from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. This horrific scene might happen in real life...and on live television!

E! News and UsWeekly are both reporting that the next cast of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases includes Alaska's most famous teen mom, the Tri-State area's largest supplier of crotch crabs and The Hoff.

Bristol Palin reportedly dumped Levi because he would rather hump on the spotlight than on her, so she's really showing his ass who can hump it harder. E! says that Bristol's deal is already done. Anybody who has seen Bristol's acting debut on The Secret Life of an American Teenager knows that she's more wooden than The Situation's head, so this shit is going to be entertaining.

It's been reported that The Situation, Brandy, The Hoff, Florence Henderson, Troy Aikman Jennifer Grey, Ceiling Eyes and Michael Bolton are all in talks. ABC will announce the full cast on August 30th. This mess of all messes premieres on September 20th, so mark that day on your calendar as the world comes to a crashing end. Yes, it ends on a dancefloor and under a disco ball.

It had to be done! Someone on Facebook shared this picture of the shrine to Antoine Dodson they got tattooed into their flesh.

Seriously, I'm not going to lie. The thought of having Alabama's own legendary hero inked onto my body forever has crawled into my mind a few times, but I didn't want my Steven Slater crotch bone tattoo to get jealous. So I'm happy to see that someone immortalized Antoine the right way.

Yes, this tattoo looks like it will easily come off with a drop of saliva, a semi-new Magic Erase and a few cunt glares from Antoine himself, but I'm going to choose to believe it's real! There are millions of crazy drunks bitches out there who get all their inspiration from viral videos! I mean, why do you think I Velcro a fork to my hand before I eat spaghetti?

But whoever got this mess slapped onto their arm should've waited a few days, because Antoine's already got a new look and he debuted it on Today this morning:

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Antoine's hair is so silky that you just want to rip off all your panties and go skinny dipping it. Every time Antonie flips his hair, a criminal in Mobile falls down. Keep flippin' your beauty, Antoine!

via Buzzfeed

The Toronto Star reports that Khuram Sher, a 28-year-old Canadian doctor, was arrested early this morning as part of a terrorism investigation by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. And as soon as the news about Khuram's arrest hit, this clip of him auditioning on Canadian Idol two years ago started making the rounds. Khuram sings out his rendition of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" and moonwalks across the floor. While Khuram sits in a jail cell, Avril Lavigne is still making music. What part of the game is this?

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

Finally, here's some news that will make you want to kiss Gary Busey's jumbo mouth Chiclets and let him chew on your favorite sweater. When Gary Busey isn't fluttering over California and spreading his sparkly lunatic dust, he's saving lives! I always knew that beneath all those layers of crazy were more layers of crazy and then more layers of crazy and then more layers of crazy and then a hero's heart!

TMZ says that earlier this week, Gary came upon a major car wreck in Malibu and he immediately jumped into action. Police sources say that Gary called 911 and then stopped traffic by blinding drivers with his smile. Who needs orange cones, right?

Gary even stayed with one of the injured until the ambulance pulled up. The injured man's mother says that her son is doing fine and what Gary did was "very sweet and caring." Yes, the man freaked out when he woke up and thought the jaws of life were coming at him, but other than that he's thankful for Gary's good samaritan ways!

Gary has yet to comment because admitting that he's a true hero might fuck with his reputation as the craziest crazy in Hollyweird.

Where was Bobby Brown's expert doody bubble poppin' finger when Wino really needed him, because last night in London she was sticking her elbow-ey ass out like she was trying to woo a jar of Fleet.

After watching The Libertines reunion show, Wino gave the paparazzi an entire photo spread for Playboy's Constipated Beauties of London issue (don't put it past Hef) in the doorway of a hotel. I might be high from the 100 proof fumes jumping off these pictures, but I actually think she looks good here. But then again, the ass poppin' (replace the first "p" with an "o" if you want to go all the way) and "I Can Haz BM?" poses might be distracting me.

Since you get all your medical and nutritional advice from Elizabeth Hurley, you should immediately dump that bowl of Fruity Pebbles with Strawberry Quik into the recycle bin and throw that Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick out the window, because you're not supposed to eat breakfists! Speaking from the bottom of the verbal barf bucket that is Twitter, Dr. Hurley told her grown-up followers that they should ignore their abuelitas' advice by skipping breakfast. Liz wrote:

"Btw my diet survived the onslaught of phenomenal vacation food. doctors disagree, but I swear by almost nothing for breakfast for adults. Mugs of hot water first thing, maybe an espresso and a few oat cakes mid morning."

Even though Dr. Hurley is the world's foremost nutritionist (next to Colonel Sanders, anyways), I'm going to have to politely disagree with her stupid ass. Nothing makes me up open my eyes in the morning like the scent of liquid caffeine from my coffee maker/alarm clock filling my nostrils and giving me a reason to live. Elizabeth needs to put a Secret Cami over it, because she's really letting her Fishsticks Paltrow show. I mean, "mugs of hot water"? BITCH STOP! You know she's really drinking vodka off the kettle or microwaved mugs of Crystal Pepsi. You only need hot water in the morning to wipe last night's debauchery (or tears of loneliness) from your face.

via The Sun

I'm going to keep this short unlike Brian Williams' peen. Basically, the man who gives you the news every night on NBC has a big dick. Dick so big that he could give the NBC peacock a concussion just by whipping that shit out. Dick so big that they have to put bricks under his anchor desk to elevate it and make room for his gigantic bulge. Dick so big that most bitches refer to it as Cockefeller Center. HD dick. You get the picture.

Brian Williams talked to Andrew Goldman for Elle Magazine about all sorts of shit and they eventually touched on the topic closest to every rich preppie's Brooks Brothers-covered heart: KHAKIS! Brian said that he can only wears pleated khakis, which led Andrew to put 2 inches and 2 inches and 2 inches and 2 inches and 2 inches together:

ELLE: Your daughter Allison recently graduated from Yale. What have you done that has most mortified her?
BW: There’s no question that I have an inner Clark W. Griswold. So I have a deal with my wife and two kids that when my shorts move out of the mainstream, or when I wear any pants product that can be construed as a “man jean,” I am to be told. You notice how pleated khakis have become a huge social divider? You see the fashion-forwards going to a plain front, and then you see the pleated community seemingly unaware of this trend change.

ELLE: You still see a lot of pleats in Washington.
BW: DC sometimes lags. Obama’s still rocking the pleated pants.

ELLE: I actually have a close friend in DC who still wears pleats. His wife confessed to my wife that he couldn’t move to flat fronts because his penis was just too large.
BW: Well, I’m with him. It’s a huge issue. Kidding!

Brian Williams is a serious journalist so he should know very well that you should never EVER say the word "kidding" when it comes to peen size. That's a law. But I do like where this is going. We should all know the dick size of every news dude on TV. You know what that means? The penis ruler is in your court, Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. I'll hold the towel up.

via New York Observer (Thanks John H.)

With the proper amount of watering and man seed you too can have a beautiful garden just like Tom Cruise. - mikeken11

Runners-up:

What journalists find when they try to dig up dirt on George Michael. - jazzfish_77

Even Katherine Haggl's ashtray doesn't have that many dirty used butts. - OurMissC

Jason Trawick won his place as Britney's new "boyfriend" in lucky number 37 at the Find Britney's Bra marathon. - angel_i

The non-blurred NSFW-ish picture is after the jump since it's got a few dirty nalgas in it. JUMP!

The Pigeon Lady (as played by Brenda Fricker) from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

It's Macaulay Culkin's big 30th birthday today as you can tell from the post below. I would link it, but Macaulay Culkin turning 30 reminds me that I'm getting old, which means that my bones are going flaccid, which means that I shouldn't risk moving my wrist all the way to my mouse. So you'll just have to take my word for it. Although, I could be making it all up since that's a sign of entering the Gold Bond phase of life. And now I'm rambling (which is another sign, DAMN!).

What I'm trying to say is that in honor of Mac's three decades on Earth, let's pay tribute to his bestest fweeeend on the silver screen: THE PIGEON LADY! Soon we'll all be sitting in Central Park with a bunch of dirty nasty pigeons pecking the dead skin off of us as some annoying ass brat gives us a cheap ceramic turtledove and tells us that we'll always be friends forever. That part of the movie always bothered my ass. BITCH is homeless and Mac gives her a stupid ass ceramic turtledove? Where's the cash?! Where's the gold candelabras from The Plaza she can pawn for some real money?!

You know what, though? The Pigeon Lady did alright. Bitch managed to trade in that turtledove for a ticket to England and later became the MOST FAMOUS WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!