What's that old saying that Anna Wintour says every season while on of her many girl slaves meticulously scrubs the scuff marks out of her sunglasses (still on her face) with a cashmere baby wipe? Oh yeah, she says, "It's not fucking NYC Fashion Week without CoCo." This is a fact. So luckily Fashion Week was saved this afternoon when the real CoCo of fashion (a Chanel anvil is going to fall on my ass in 3..2..) tucked her camel toe and walked the runway at the Sachika Twins show.
Nevermind the fact that CoCo's suddenly chiseled jawline looks like she's been chewing on barbels, I've never noticed before that her chichi and nalgas areas are almost identical! They both look like two beluga whale heads bumping against each other.
And thanks to Coco, I think we've found a candidate for 2010's slut dress. Put in your orders now (or just visit your local Frederick's outlet where I'm sure they have one in every color).
Until last year, the cast of this show always got along with each other. Then one cast member demanded an outrageous pay raise completely out of line with the rest of the cast. Tensions started simmering on set between the prima donna and her co-stars. Lots of nasty looks and snippy comments were exchanged. The boiling point was finally reached when our bratty star used her character to promote an organization with which she is associated. After that, to avoid the wrath of her co-stars, she started setting her own schedule to avoid working with the rest of the cast whenever possible. Since they don’t want to lose her, the producers have pretty much completely acquiesced to her demands. (Blind Gossip)
Nancy Cartwright did make Maggie flip off Xenu when she robo-called for Scientology early last year, so I'll go with her. One of my cousins can do a serious Bart Simpson when he's stoned so the producers should hire his lazy ass to replace Nancy Cartwright. He'll work for a medical marijuana license and a gift certificate to Del Taco.
I guess this very attractive movie actress is B list but only because of the movies she has been in and not for any real acting talent. Kind of lucky. Actually really lucky. Anyway, she was at Fashion Week and told everyone she was going to hide in an office and have a quick smoke before taking her seat. Well, one of the members of the designer's team went looking for our actress and walked in on her just standing there doing nothing. Then the worker's eyes noticed someone else was in the room and saw it was a guy who was definitely not our actress' rumored celebrity boyfriend. Not a big deal really. Perfectly innocent except the guy was pulling up his jeans. (CDAN)
Ashley Greene? Ashley is supposedly dating Joe Jonas, so my guess is she has to get her dick elsewhere....unless she orgasms from watching him spend hours trying to find the perfect pair of skinny jeans.
Which Reality TV couple who have been married at least a year, have only slept together around 5 times since saying “I do?” Apparently, things are not all they are cracked up to be for this married couple, in spite of reports to the contrary. (BuzzFoto)
Khloe and Lamar are thisclose to being married for a full year, but I'm still going to go with them? It must be hard finding time to bump assholes since Lamar spends his days at training and Khloe spends her nights hunting for wild hogs to feast on.
Here's Courtney Love giving the international sign for cunnilingus while smoking a cigarette outside of Marc Jacob's show in NYC last night. The top of Courtney's hair looks like it was just released from an angry fist, and her finger nails tell a story that involves her digging in the dirt for the last Vicodin, but this is the most glamorous I've seen her look in a long time. And these pictures were taken at the beginning of the night, so imagine how she looked this morning.
Most of us drink a lot of booze, fall off of a lot of bar stools and crawl through a lot of gutters to look this messy. Courtney makes it look absolutely effortless.
And let's not discuss the veiny boner protruding out of her stomach.
David Silver is all grown up and topless in Desperate Housewives! And I'm guessing he makes that same face every time Megan Fox opens her mouth. - Towleroad
Miles from The Golden Girls has passed away - Associated Press
Whatever happened to the days of passing your boyfriend a barfy love note during homeroom? - Lainey Gossip
Because Mel Gibson and Montana Fishburne are not available, Lindsay Lohan is in talks to do SNL - The Superficial
You know Janet from Three's Company fapped to this (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Teri Snatcher in a wet suit - The Berry
Cover your innocent eyes Chuy, because here's Chelsea Handler's tits - Egotastic!
Two famous people are not selling EXCLUSIVE pictures of their new baby to People magazine for six figures. What's going on in this world?!!! - Celebitchy
Miley Cyrus and her on-again toy sucking face.... And all I hear is the sound of teefs clittity clacking - Just Jared
Tommy Girl adjusting his cock ring - Popsugar
Montana Fishburne 5150ed herself - I'm Not Obsessed
Taylor Swift at the Easy A premiere - Popoholic
The Kardashians must be stopped - ICYDK
Judge Judy gets stoned - Cityrag
Taylor Momsen really needs a new dress girdle thing - Hollywood Rag
Nicole Kidman's face is still...um...yeah - Holy Moly!
Since Fishsticks Paltrow is a fine English lady who only runs in the most prestigious social circles in her native land, you would think she'd have a private box at The Ascot and a stable full of thoroughbred horses with pretentious as fuck names. But no, she doesn't! That's because Fishy has HATE in her gills for horses. Fishy made her intense hate for horses known when talking about her daughter Apple to Vogue UK (via HuffPo):
"She loves riding - she competed in her first horse show the other day and won second place. Well of course I was thrilled for her -but it's incredible because I hate horses and have nothing really to do with them. The other day I actually sent Stella (McCartney) a picture because there was Apple, just sitting on her horse, wearing a pineapple T-shirt. I just texted her saying, 'surely this is your child?'. It's amazing - she's a vegetarian, she adores animals, everything - she and Stella have really bonded."
And with that, I can announce that horses are having the best week ever! They never have to worry about Fishy wanting to ride them or invite them over for afternoon organic tea!!! Trace Cyrus better grab SJP to kick up their hooves together at this happy news. This is kind of the news that will make a horse want to fuck a fly and kiss a snake!
Rachel McAdams might have a look of pure happiness on her face in the picture above, because she's on her way to get a piece! Specifically, get a piece of Michael Sheen. Yeah, I'm sure you're already scratching your head due to the case of lice you caught from a one-night-fuck last night, but scratch extra hard at the thought of Rachel dating Michael Sheen.
This little bit of news comes from Lainey Gossip who watched Rachel and Michael flirt with each other at the after party for his movie Beautiful Boy at TIFF on Sunday night. Lainey writes that to her it looked like they met for the first time that night. Lainey went on to write, "But then they went to sit together on a couch and kept talking and not talking to anyone else. And then together they went over to the bar to talk some more. On the way they ran into others, and talked to those others together, and after getting more drinks they went back to their couch and kept talking and new others came and went while they continued to not be apart. And that’s not usually just a friend thing. That’s a thing thing. By the time I left, they’d been together like that for over an hour."
And a few of Lainey sources told her that there's definitely something there, but it's still early on.
Rachel stopped humping on Ryan Gosling not too long ago, and I thought Michael Sheen was with Lorraine Stewart, but I guess that's over? I'm not up on my Michael Sheen gossip. Yes, I'll sign up for that course as soon as I hit the publish button on this shit.
If Rachel and Michael are doing it, then I'm a little surprised by her. Rachel strikes me as the type who would stay in line for the "indie-ish actor/musician/artist" buffet. I mean, I'd expect Rachel to pick up some Joseph Gordon-Levitt and maybe James Franco. But Michael Sheen?! Throwing me for a damn loop. For being a plate of steamed cauliflower without any seasoning, Rachel is just full of surprises!
P.S. (pronounced "peeee-nis"): The bald ginger bodyguard below? I would.
Professional gold digger, Playboy Playmate and Sweden's official ambassador of pure elegance Victoria Silvestedt gave the paparazzi and hobos a special show in the middle of Central Park yesterday afternoon by doing her own style of yoga (HOga). Poses included: the Fame Whore I Pose, the Sleeping Slut Pose and the Half Plowme Pose. Some of the full pictures are NSFW unless you're a gynecologist at the free clinic, because Victoria gives us a little side-snatch.
And it's times like this that I wish I was a True Bloody fairy (DON'T) so that I could read the minds of the nuns in the first thumbnail. My guess is that there were a lot of SANTO DIOS-es and PUTA SUCA-es filling their innocent heads.
"Oprah Down Under" is also the name of Gayle's favorite pastime. Too easy, I know. So, Oprah caused 300 simultaneous coronaries when she told her audience that she was taking them on an all-expenses paid trip to Australia this December. To say they were excited is an understatement under an understatement (see above). Some of them will have to stand on the plane ride over to Australia, because their asses blew up when Oprah gave them the big news. Less ass for you, Travolta.
Speaking of that freshly butt fucked feeling, Reuters reports that the Australian government is spending US$2.8 million to bring Oprah and her band of hysterical hyenas over. Tourism Minister Martin Ferguson said in a statement that it's money well spent, because Oprah's show is watched by 40 million Americans and airs in 145 countries. Martin said this, "Oprah is a household name and her star power has the potential to lift Australia's profile as a premier tourist destination. We spent hundreds of millions of dollars over 30 years without much effect, I must say that honestly. The publicity that Oprah will bring to Australia around the world is something you couldn't buy."
This is true. Many Americans didn't know Australia is a real-life place that exists in reality until GODPRAH talked about it during her daily sermon (insert a roll of the eye here).
Millions of Oprah's disciples are booking their trips to Australia right now. Yay for Australia! Not only are you paying $2.8 million to bring over 300 crazed screechers, but thanks to The Mighty O even more crazed screechers will soon terrorize your land. The Australian government should at least legalize every kind of mind-altering substance to help the locals deal with Oprah's batshit crazy banshees.
(Image via Faces of the Last Season of Oprah)
Besides her eyebrow plucker, of course. TMZ's sources say that the rumor about JLo's ridiculous diva bitch ways costing her the American Idol job is as thin as her used Spanx. These inside sources claim that negotiations with JLo have gone smoothly and she will be sitting in two judge's chairs when the show continues taping next week.
Apparently, executives at Fox slipped on their La Toya Jackson-made monocles and declared that they believe some sneaky bitch out there is trying to DESTROY JLO and American Idol by planting fake stories. Hmmm...I wonder who on earth could do such a despicable thing to JLo?
No, the Fox executives aren't throwing side-eyes at Mimi and her dancing rainbow unicorns. They think that American Idol's direct competition is behind the sabotage.
TMZ could post a picture of JLo donating her American Idol paycheck to orphans and I still would not resign as a member of the JLo IS A Diva Bitch Club. They could post a video of JLo giving a tour of her American Idol dressing room which she turned into a rescue kitten mission, and I still wouldn't budge. JLo will forever be that bitch in front of you at Starbucks who orders a Frapp with all the fixings and tells the barista that she needs to watch them make it (I've witnessed this fuckery before). Just like we'll always be drunk sluts with no morals, JLo will always be a diva bitch! It's just so.
UPDATE: TMZ reports that JLo has signed a one-year deal with American Idol worth $12 million.
Or maybe the party has just begun? BBC News reports that George Michael will soon be singing "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go To The Showers" to his cell mate (GONG me in the nalgas, I like it), because he has been sentenced to 8 weeks in the chokey for smashing into a Snappy Snaps while driving under the influence of marijuana. George is already singing "I'm never going to drive again..." after he lost his drivers license for six months (GONG me again!).
Shortly after George pleaded guilty to the charge, he checked into rehab for a quick second and apologized to all of his fans for being a mess. George said that he accepts all responsibility for his actions.
Woe is George. For the next 8 weeks, he'll be shoved into close quarters with a bunch of sweaty and rough men who grunt when they thrust. Rough men who will give him a contraband joint for daily assjobs in the toilets. AND you can't get arrested for fucking around in those toilets. Yeah, change that headline, because the party is definitely on.